The Unraveling of the Marauders
by VoicesOffCamera
Summary: The Marauders of Hogwarts seem to have no worries. Just a bunch of carefree trouble makers who enjoy having fun. But one night it all starts to fall apart. It's one prank that Sirius Black takes too far. It's one prank that almost breaks them all, in more ways then just one. (Rated for violence)
1. The Prank

_**Author's Note:**_** Before beginning, I just wanted to point out one thing. I realize that this prank is supposed to take place in the Marauders' sixth year... however as I went on writing where I wanted to take this story didn't work in the sixth year. So I took a little creative liberty and had this take place in their fifth year at Hogwarts. I hope you enjoy it! Please review if you would like to see this story continue!**

_**Disclaimer**_**: I do not own anything related to **_**Harry Potter**_**.**

_Chapter One: The Prank_

The Marauders were inseparable. Ever since their first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry you never saw one Marauder on his own. They went to classes together, ate their meals together, did their homework together, and pulled their pranks together. This had been the norm for the past five years.

So when James Potter stormed into the common room alone late one night, fury raging in his eyes, and stormed up to his dormitory and slamming the door, it got the other Gryffindor students' attention. A strange hush fell over the common room and everybody turned expectantly when the portrait swung open again. It was little Peter Pettigrew, looking much more skittish than usual. His eyes darted around as he hurried across the common room and up to the fifth year boys' dormitory. However a moment later he scurried back down into the common room and dodged to an empty table near the stairs.

Finally Lily Evans, curiosity getting the better of her, carefully picked her way over to where Peter sat.

"Hello Peter," Lily said pleasantly.

"Uh, h-hi Lily," Peter said quietly, his eyes darting to the stairs to the dormitory and shifting uncomfortably.

"It's everything alright?" she asked carefully. "Potter just flew through, he looked pretty upset."

"Um… uh… yeah," Peter stammered. "I think… yeah… e-everything is… will be…. Fine."

Lily looked at Peter skeptically. "You sure, Peter?" she asked.

Peter nodded vigorously, biting his lip as if afraid to say anything else. He was practically trembling. Lily saw that she was not going to get any answers from Peter. She glanced at the stairs to the boys' dormitory. She was a prefect and allowed to go up in times of need.

"Is Black up there?" she asked Peter.

"N-n-no," Peter said.

Lily nodded. "I think I'll check on Potter, he looked pretty upset," she said, standing up.

"He locked the door," Peter told her.

Lily shot Peter a quizzical look. "I didn't think the dormitory doors locked," she said and Peter just shrugged. Lily rolled her eyes. Potter must have used a spell. "I'll take care of it Peter."

She turned and slowly ascended the stairs. She could hear banging coming from the fifth year boys' dormitory. For the first time Lily felt a twinge of nervousness. Something really was wrong.

Lily knocked hard on the door so as to be heard over the noise.

"Go away Peter!" she heard James practically shout.

"It's not Peter, it's Lily," Lily called. It suddenly got very quiet behind the door. Lily paused a moment, but the door didn't open. "Can I come in?"

She heard footsteps, a pause, and then the door opened an inch. James peered out from behind his glasses, a storm raging in his hazel eyes.

"Sorry Evans," James said in a low voice. "Not really in the mood for company right now."

Lily leaned to one side, getting a glimpse of the dormitory beyond. She had never seen the Marauders' dormitory before, but she imagined, knowing Black and Potter anyway, that it wasn't kept very clean. However the scene she glimpsed looked beyond normal teenaged boy messiness.

Lily then focused on James, noticing that he had a very worn look to him. His white shirt was streaked with dirt, his glasses sat slightly skewed on his face as if they had been bent, and if she wasn't mistaken there was a bruise forming along his cheek and jawbone on the right side of his face.

"Is everything alright?" she asked.

"Never better," James said flatly.

"Like that's convincing," Lily muttered sarcastically. She reached out an arm and pushed on the door. James sighed and allowed her to push it open as he stepped back into the room. Lily took in the full wreckage: curtains and tapestries around the bed and in front of the windows were torn down, a trunk had been kicked over, there were even shards of glass from a mirror littered the floor. Lily's eyes got wide. James was on a rampage like she had never seen before. "So you don't want to talk about it," Lily said slowly. "Alright. Just tell me this: is everyone okay? I noticed Black and Remus' absence. How serious is whatever it is that's so wrong?"

"How _serious_?" James repeated, a hint of dark humor in his voice. "Evans, you have no idea…"

"Well that's obvious," Lily said, sounding annoyed now. "I just want to make sure no one is seriously injured or anything. I could care less if you are having some sort of childish spat with one of your friends, but as a prefect I have to make sure it's nothing that a professor needs to get involved with."

James barked a harsh laugh. "Come off it Evans," he spat. "You are not up here on prefect business. You are curious, just like the rest of the common room."

Lily glared at James and he cheeks reddened. He wasn't completely wrong.

"Fine," she spat, spinning on her heels and starting back toward the door.

"And don't worry your pretty little head about whether or not to get professors involved," James called after her. "They are already involved."

Lily didn't spare him a backwards glance as she marched out of the room and shut the door behind her. But inside her curiosity grew. What happened tonight?

Hours earlier Sirus Black sat with Peter in the library. It was an odd place for him to be seen, but with Remus Lupin off getting ready for his monthly transformation and James off finishing up a detention, he had allowed Peter to talk him into helping him out with some homework. Sirius leaned back in his chair, balancing it on two legs, utterly bored as Peter struggled with a particularly nasty Potions essay.

"I don't reckon Slughorn likes me very much," Peter chatted as he flipped through a book in front of him. "He obviously plays favorites."

Sirius laughed. "Couldn't be that you are just no good at Potions, could it Wormtail?"

Peter narrowed his eyes. "Aren't you supposed to be helping me anyway? Moony said you would since there's nothing else to do until after dark."

Sirius rolled his eyes. He certainly didn't want to be doing schoolwork on a Saturday evening, especially with the full moon upon them. He was antsy for night to fall so that the real fun could begin. He checked his timepiece. Only another hour or so before night fell.

It was then Sirius noticed someone sulking just on the other side of the bookshelf behind Peter. He caught the familiar sight of greasy black hair and suddenly let a mischievous smile overtake his face. If Severus Snape was so curious, always hovering around, trying to overhear the Marauders' private conversations, then, Sirius decided suddenly, he would give him something worth listening to.

"Well, we can discuss it with Remus later on then," Sirius said, letting his chair fall back to stand on all fours and leaning closer to Peter.

Peter shot him a confused look. "What do you mean?"

Sirius lowered his voice only marginally as he caught a glimpse of Snape leaning in closer. "Well, you know tonight we are going to see Remus," Sirius said while Peter looked even more confused. "You know, we will take the secret passage under the Whomping Willow. Just got to prod the knot at the bottom of the tree and it'll freeze up and we can run through to the passage. Then you can talk to Remus about your problem." Sirius had a hard time keeping the grin out of his voice. Peter was looking at Sirius like he had lost his mind.

Peter glanced around to see if anyone had heard Sirius' rambling and Snape darted out from between the bookshelves and hurried off. Peter jumped.

"Snivellus!" Peter hissed. "Do you suppose he heard you?"

Sirius simply laughed. Just then James entered the library, spotting them at once and heading over.

"What are you doing in a library," James teased Sirius. "After all these years I was convinced that you couldn't pass through the door without bursting into flames."

"Seems Peter decided to be an intellectual tonight," Sirius laughed. "You have to stop getting detentions without me, Prongs. I'm dead bored when you're gone."

"Very co-dependant of you Padfoot," James snickered. "Come on, we need to get ready for tonight."

Sirius jumped up, his eyes excited. "I bet this will be a night to remember," he said as they started off.


	2. Consequences

**Author's Note: Please, please, please review! Especially if you want to see more chapters! Thank you! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Harry Potter**_

_Chapter Two: Consequences_

Almost an hour later Sirius, James, and Peter were crouched behind some bushes by the castle, waiting for the moon to show. They had promised Remus to never ever enter the Shrieking Shack before he had transformed. His one wish was that they never see the gruesome sight of him transforming into the monster he was once a month, and they had respected this wish.

"What's taking so long?" Sirius demanded, glaring up at the sky.

"It's a wonder the entire cosmos don't bend to your will," James said with a laugh.

"Yeah, odd that," Peter agreed with a squeak and a smile.

Sirius just rolled his eyes and looked back toward the Whomping Willow.

"Hey… what's that?" James said suddenly.

Sirius looked in time to see the front door to the castle closing and a dark figure hurrying down the stairs. He had to stifle a grin. So, Snape had taken the bait. Sirius had to hand it to him; it took some guts to sneak out of the castle at night like that.

"_Snivellus_," Peter hissed, looking suddenly frightened and glancing at Sirius.

"What's that git doing out here?" James wondered quietly, pulling back a few branches of the bush they were hiding in to get a better look. "Where do you supposed he's off to?"

"Oh, sticking his abnormally large nose where it doesn't belong, I'm sure," Sirius said, struggling to keep the laughter out of his voice.

"He's heading right for the Whomping Willow," James said, sounding confused. "Why in the world would he do that?" He paused. "There's no way he could know…"

Peter gave a frightened squeak and James looked at him questioningly.

"He's about to get quite a scare," Sirius laughed, shifting up to get a better view.

James then looked at Sirius, a look of horror coming over his face. "What did you do?" he demanded slowly, realization dawning on him.

"Oh, I didn't do anything," Sirius said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Just trying to teach old Snivellus not to listen in on private conversations, isn't that right Wormtail?"

James looked at Peter who shrunk away in fear.

"He… he knows how to get past the Whomping Willow," Peter said quickly, his eyes darting around. "He overheard Sirius talking about it."

"You told him?" James said, horrified.

"I didn't tell him," Sirius said defensively. "I was talking to Peter. Snivel just happened to overhear."

"You moron!" James said, jumping up. "Remus is transforming! What the hell do you think is going to happen when Snape gets to the end of that tunnel and meets a full grown werewolf?"

"He'll run like a little girl?" Sirius said.

"Yeah, only if he doesn't get killed!" James yelled, started to run toward the Whomping Willow.

"James, what…?" Sirius started, but James didn't slow down. Sirius watched James sprint across the lawn just as Snape disappeared down the tunnel that would take him to the Shrieking Shack. Sirius glanced up at the sky and saw the full moon peeking out from behind some clouds. Remus must be transformed by now. And as Sirius watched his best friend disappear into the tunnel, running toward a full grown werewolf as a human, the severity of the situation finally hit him.

Sirius found himself rooted to the spot, frozen and unable to think. He simply stared at the Whomping Willow as the minutes ticked painfully by. What was happening? Sirius' mind was still working slowly to fully comprehend the situation.

Finally there was movement at the base of the tree. Sirius finally broke out of his trance and ran to the edge of the Willow's reach. James was yanking Snape out of the tunnel and was too preoccupied to remember to look out of the branches of the tree. As the two cleared the entrance the branches swung violently and slammed into them, throwing them out onto the grass beyond its reach. Sirius ran to them with Peter on his heels.

"James, you alright?" Sirius said, leaning down to help James up.

"Don't touch me," James snapped angrily, flinging an arm to push Sirius away and then feeling on the ground to try and find his glasses which had flown off.

Peter came hurrying over, holding James' glasses. James grabbed them and put them back on.

"A werewolf…" The three Marauders turned to Snape would was sitting a few feet away. He was paler than ever, his face livid. "Of course… it makes so much sense…" He turned to glare at Sirius, James and Peter. "Lupin is _a bloody werewolf_!"

James in turn glared at Sirius. "Good going, Sirius," he growled in a low voice. Sirius was taken aback, having never been on the receiving side of James' anger before.

Suddenly Snape was on his feet, seeming to be working through the shock of what just happened. "You!" he yelled, pointing at Sirius. "You knew! You sent me to a werewolf! I could have died!"

"You didn't die," Sirius said with exasperation.

"No thanks to you," James snapped, and Sirius was taken aback once more.

Snape was now shaking with rage. "You… all of you… I'll see you all expelled!"

"Hey, I just saved your ass!" James spat.

"What happened, Potter, get cold feet with your little prank?" Snape hissed. "I'm going right to the Headmaster. You lot have gone too far this time. You won't be able to weasel your way out of this. Perhaps they will even throw that monster into Azkaban!"

Sirius went cold as Snape marched off. There was no way they could send Remus to Azkaban, he hadn't hurt anyone. But he realized how close Snape had to have gotten to know that he had seen a werewolf, especially in the cramped tunnel under the Whomping Willow. James had to have been that close as well to pull Snape out of there. What if James hadn't gotten there in time? He felt the color drain from his face.

"Come on," James said harshly, pushing Sirius along after Snape. "You're coming too so you can explain exactly what happened to the Headmaster."

Sirius trudged along like a condemned man. The three Marauders followed Snape back into the castle and up to the entrance in front of the Headmaster's office in silence. Snape stopped in front of the gargoyle that guarded the entrance, unsure of the current password. James stepped up.

"Cockroach Clusters," he said flatly.

The gargoyle jumped aside to reveal the moving staircase. The four trooped up to the door and Snape knocked loudly. Upon hearing the muffled invitation from within, Snape threw open the door and entered the Headmaster's office.

Professor Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk, still fully dressed despite the late hour. He raised his eyebrows upon seeing who was entering his office.

"Good evening, boys," Dumbledore said, looking at them curiously. "What can I do for you?"

"Professor, these students almost killed me they should all be expelled!" Snape yelled.

"I had nothing to do with it, I was the one who pulled you out of there, remember?" James shot back.

"What happened?" Dumbledore said, looking concerned.

"They sent me to their friend Lupin tonight, who is, in fact, a werewolf!" Snape accused.

"Will you quit with the plural pronouns!" James snapped. "This was all Sirius, the rest of us had nothing to do with it."

"Oh come off it, like any one of you have a mind of your own," Snape spat.

"It's true," Sirius said, directing his comment at the Headmaster. "It was my fault."

"Mr. Black, what exactly happened tonight?" Dumbledore asked, singling one person out in order to get a clear picture.

"Snape overheard me talking with Peter and I mentioned how to get passed the Whomping Willow," Sirius explained quickly. "He went to look, thinking he was going to catch us breaking the rules or something… James ran in after him and pulled him out. He didn't know what was happening until Snape was already in the tunnel."

Dumbledore looked grave at hearing this news and Snape and James both started talking loudly over each other, their words getting lost.

"Mr. Snape, Mr. Potter," Dumbledore interjected, standing up and commanding attention, "why don't you both return to your dormitories, it's very late. We can continue this discussion tomorrow when Mr. Lupin can be present. Mr. Pettigrew, you may go with them. I would like all three of you to return to my office tomorrow at eleven o'clock in the morning." The tone of his voice stated that this was not up for discussion.

James and Snape both glared at Sirius before stalking out of the room with Peter scuttling behind them. It was hard to tell which one was angrier at him. As soon as the door closed behind them Sirius let out a relieved sigh and dropped into a chair in front of Dumbledore's desk and hung his head.

Dumbledore studied the defeated boy in front of him for a moment before sitting back down behind his desk. He laced his fingers and leaned forward, staring intently at Sirius, though Sirius would not meet his gaze.

"I must say," Dumbledore finally broke the silence, "I did not see this coming."

"I'm sorry professor," Sirius murmured, staring at his shoes. "I hope you believe me when I say that James had no part of this. Neither did Peter or Remus for that matter. I take full responsibility. I just… I guess I didn't think it through. I never thought Snape would get that far, be that daring."

Dumbledore nodded slightly. "I do not doubt you Mr. Black," he confirmed. "Just to be clear… you were aware of Mr. Snape listening in on your conversation with Mr. Pettigrew?"

Sirius paused, and then nodded. "I didn't think," he repeated. "I just thought that it would be…. Funny," The logic sounded very lame even to him.

"We are all very lucky that Mr. Potter stepped in… but that does not make your lack of judgment tonight any less serious." Dumbledore spoke in a very stricken tone. "Lives were in danger tonight because of the decision you made. Not only was the life of a schoolyard enemy in jeopardy, but also the lives of your friends. Both Mr. Potter _and_ Mr. Lupin. The Ministry is not lenient when werewolves attack people, no matter the circumstances. Do you understand that Mr. Black?"

Sirius mechanically moved his head up and down, feeling sick. "I didn't think of that before," Sirius said in a quiet, shaking voice. "But looking back… yes I do understand professor."

Dumbledore nodded and sat back in his chair. "Well, I could continue to lecture, but it is getting late. There is one last thing that should be discussed before I allow you to go. A punishment." Dumbledore took a breath. "Considering the severity of the situation, I will be honest with you, the punishment is usually suspension." He paused. Sirius finally looked up, though he didn't quite meet Dumbledore's eyes. "However, considering the circumstances, I believe we can decide on a different punishment."

"Sir? What circumstances?" Sirius asked.

Dumbledore paused thoughtfully. "Mr. Black, I am not going to pretend that I don't know what goes on in your household," he said slowly. Sirius shifted uncomfortably. It wasn't really a secret what his parents thought of him, he had gotten several Howlers on the subject over the years to announce their feelings to the entire school. But it wasn't usually discussed within the walls of this school, at least among him and his friends. Hogwarts was his safe haven. "I don't think sending you back there at this time would be an appropriate punishment given this specific situation and since no one was seriously injured."

"Please professor," Sirius said suddenly. "Under the circumstances I don't think you should be so compassionate. If this situation warrants suspension then suspension it is. It's what I deserve, sir." He paused, letting his gaze fall again. "Truthfully, at this point I think that I would rather face my parents rather than face James and Remus."

Dumbledore sighed. "Mr. Black, you are very noble," he stated and Sirius scoffed. "This one mistake does not define you. But you must learn from it."

Sirius winced. He could not believe that the Headmaster was attempting to comfort him right now. As he looked back on the events of that night he could see exactly how awful he had actually been. It would have been easier if the Headmaster had yelled and lectured him.

"So, suspension," Sirius stated, trying to change the subject. "How long?" There was a pause. "Don't go easy on me Headmaster," Sirius said sullenly.

"Two weeks," Dumbledore said flatly.

Sirius nodded numbly. "Should I go pack? Or do I get sent off straight away?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "Tomorrow will be soon enough," he said evenly. "You may return to your dormitory tonight and get a few hours rest. You will be sent by floo powder back home for two weeks. Make sure you pack your school things because your schoolwork will be sent along so that you don't fall behind."

If Sirius had it his way he would be sent away right now. He dreaded facing James, though he knew he could easily avoid Remus until tomorrow morning. It was the first time he was actually anxious to get out of the castle. But he offered no protest. He was in no position to ask for favors.

"I understand," he said quietly. He slowly stood from his chair. He looked at Professor Dumbledore again. "I am very, very sorry professor."

Dumbledore nodded. "I know that. Good luck, Mr. Black. Be back in my office early tomorrow morning. Shall we say, eight o'clock sharp?"

"Yes sir," he mumbled as he stood and shuffled out of the office.

Sirius wandered in a daze throughout the corridors, taking the longest route possible to get back to the Gryffindor Tower. Finally he found himself standing in front of the Fat Lady. He stood and stared for several minutes, causing the enchanted painting to look at him curiously. Finally he muttered the password and forced himself to climb through the portrait hole.

Thankfully the common room was absolutely deserted. Sirius had no idea what time it was or how long he had wandered through the castle. He shuffled over to an armchair in front of the small glowering ashes in the fireplace. He didn't even considering going up to the dormitory, knowing full well that he was not – and should not be – welcome.

He lay across the arms of the armchair staring at the fading cinders for what felt like hours. Sleep simply would not come as his mind raced over the events of the night. He couldn't believe how thick he had been. There was no excuse for putting Remus at risk like that. It was a moment of pure stupidity.


	3. The Departure

**Author's Note: Short chapter here, I was just wondering if anyone is interested in seeing this story continue. Please review!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to **_**Harry Potter.**_

_Chapter Three: The Departure_

Sometime in the early hours of the morning Sirius finally drifted off into a restless sleep filled with screams, blood and monsters. When Sirius jerked back awake the sun was just starting to show through the windows. Sirius glanced around and was surprised to see a few students milling about. He blinked the sleep away, wondering what time it was. He glanced up the stairs to the boys' dormitory. Could he risk it? He couldn't imagine James got much sleep last night so there was a good chance he would sleep in.

Sirius shifted out of the chair and quickly stole up the stairs. It was now or never. The longer he waited the better chance there was for him to get caught. And he really couldn't handle another confrontation with James.

He eased the door open as quietly as possible and peaked in. Two out of the four beds had the curtains drawn. Sirius took a breath and hurried over to his trunk. He pulled out a small rucksack and hastily started stuffing clothes and books into it, hardly taking notice of what he was packing. Once the rucksack was full he hurried back out of the room without looking around and silently closed the door behind him.

Sirius trudged back down the staircase and then headed straight for the portrait hole without so much as a glance toward anyone else. If he was too early he would sit outside Professor Dumbledore's office and wait.

"Black?"

Sirius inwardly groaned and quickened his pace out of the common room, not in the mood to talk with anyone. Unfortunately his pursuer was persistent and followed him right out into the corridor.

"Not now Evans," he said sulkily.

"Just wait a minute," Lily said, exasperated as she caught up to him and grabbed his shoulder, slowing him to a stop. "Black, where do you think you're going?"

"I'm sorry Miss Prefect," Sirius mumbled sarcastically. "But I am on the Headmaster's business. No rule breaking here for you to worry about."

Lily sighed. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that," she said apologetically. "I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. I saw you sleeping in the armchair this morning. Then you ran upstairs and apparently packed. Where are you going?"

Sirius let his shoulders drop. His gaze fell down to the ground. "I've been suspended," he said flatly.

"You've what?" Lily asked, surprised. "But why? I mean I know you and Potter have caused a lot of trouble in the past, but you've never done anything to deserve anything more than a few weeks worth of detention. Hardly anyone ever gets suspended."

"Well, I did," he said dully. "I'm due in the Headmaster's office." He started to walk away but Lily kept pace.

"Sirius," she said quietly. It was his turn to be surprised by the kindness in her voice as she tentatively used his first name. She had come to call Peter and Remus by their first names, but for him and James it was always Black and Potter. "I saw Potter come in to the common room in a rage like I've never seen last night. Peter looked scared out of his wits and was only able to get into his dormitory after Potter went to bed. You apparently slept in the common room and have been suspended. I haven't seen Remus at all. Please, tell me what's happened. I am really worried about you lot."

Sirius sighed. "I can't tell you Evans," he said. "I really can't. But I will tell you that I deserve the suspension."

Lily paused. "But your parents…" she said, letting the thought hang.

"I deserve the suspension," he repeated firmly. "I was stupid. I did something really dumb. I won't be surprised if James, Peter and Remus never talk to me again."

"I can't even imagine that," Lily said. "You four have been inseparable since first year. I'm sure once things calm down everything will work out. Have a little faith, Sirius."

Sirius let out a dry laugh. "Not today, Lily," he said softly.

Lily looked surprised. She had never seen Sirius like this. It was like all the life had been drained out of him. Lily fell silent but continued walking with Sirius. Finally they reached the entrance to the Headmaster's office.

"I have to go Lily," Sirius said quietly. He stared down at the floor.

"Are you going to be okay?" Lily asked carefully. Sirius was silent. "I mean… are you going to be safe at your parents' house? I know how they feel about you…"

Sirius snorted. "I'll probably be safer with my parents then I would be with James and Remus."

"I can't believe that," Lily said softly, repeating herself a bit. She found herself at a loss for new words. "Whatever happened, I'm sure the four of your will work through it."

Sirius sighed. "I've got to go Lily," he said again.

"When will you be back?" Lily asked.

"Two weeks," he said flatly.

Lily nodded. "Take care of yourself, Sirius," she said. "I will see you in two weeks." Lily hovered awkwardly like she wanted to say something else, but then quickly turned and left.

Sirius took a deep breath before muttering the password and ascending the staircase to Professor Dumbledore's office. He knocked on the door and heard Dumbledore call for him to enter.

"Good morning Mr. Black," Dumbledore said as he entered. "I appreciate your timing. I just finished speaking with your parents and the arrangements have been made. You will travel via floo powder and return Saturday the 24th, early in the morning so that you may settle back in before returning to classes. Do you have any questions?"

"No sir," Sirius said flatly.

"Are you ready, Mr. Black?" Dumbledore asked solemnly.

Sirius cracked a pained smile that did not quite meet his eyes. "Don't look so grim professor," he quipped. "I'm not on my deathbed." Jokes and sarcasm had always been his defense mechanism.

Dumbledore gave him a kind smile. But as Sirius shifted his gaze to the fire crackling merrily in the hearth, he felt his stomach knot. He couldn't imagine the reception he was about to receive at his parents' house. He had shamed them greatly after he was sorted into the Gryffindor House five years ago. Since then his parents had shown great hostility toward him. He couldn't imagine that they'd be very happy about him being one of the few Hogwarts students ever to be suspended.

Sirius took a deep breath, deciding that trying to imagine his parents' reaction to his suspension was not helpful. He stepped forward and took a pinch of powder from the purple drawstring bag that Dumbledore offered him. Without hesitating or thinking at all he tossed the powder into the fire, causing it to roar up and turn green, and stepped in.

"Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, he stated dully. And with a flash, he was gone.


	4. Prejudice

**Author's Note: Well, I've gotten one review, but I see a few of you are following this story… can I assume you like it? Please review if you would like to see more chapters! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to **_**Harry Potter**_**.**

_Chapter Four: Prejudice_

When James woke from a restless sleep, there was a strong glow was coming from beyond his curtains surrounding his bed. He pulled back the curtain and found that the sun was high in the sky, streaming in the windows to the dormitory.

James stretched and slowly slid out of bed. He glanced around the room. Peter's curtains were still drawn around his bed. The other two beds in the room were empty. He walked over to Sirius' vacant bed, studying it carefully. He couldn't tell if Sirius had slept in it the night before. Had he ever even come back to the Tower?

James felt the anger from the night before slowly returning. He had trusted Sirius more than anyone else in this school. He couldn't believe that Sirius could have done such a thing.

James shook his head and focused on Remus instead. He would be back in the Hospital Wing by now, perhaps even waking up soon. He would need to know what happened. James moved quickly, changing his clothes and then hurrying out of the dormitory.

Down in the common room there were a few early birds milling about and the atmosphere was subdued. He noticed Lily sitting at a table with her schoolbooks out watching him carefully. There was concern in her eyes. He had the urge to go over to her, to assure her that everything was fine and under control, but he just continued through the common room and out the portrait hole.

As he started through the corridors he noted that Sirius had not been anywhere in the common room. Not that he wanted to see him right now, but a part of him felt curious as to where Sirius had run off to. He wondered if he had already gone to the Hospital Wing to see Remus. The anger inside him sparked again. He didn't want Sirius anywhere near Remus right now, not after what he had done. If he found him in the Hospital Wing James was going to tell him off. He had caused enough pain for Remus.

James entered the Hospital Wing to find it deserted except for Madam Pomfrey and a very beaten looking Remus. Since his friends had not made it to the Shrieking Shack last night to distract him, Remus was looking a little more worn that usual. However, he was awake and looking around curiously.

"Morning Moony," James said softly as he took his usual seat beside Remus. "How are you feeling?"

"A little broken," Remus croaked. He looked at James oddly. "Where are Peter and Sirius?"

James' face darkened slightly at the mention of Sirius' name. "You know Peter, he likes to sleep in late on the weekends," he said slowly.

Remus paused, waiting for James to finish. "And Sirius?" he prodded.

James sighed. "I dunno where he went off to," he said truthfully.

"James, just tell me," Remus said. "I know something happened last night. Something went horribly wrong. I have all these odd images... I didn't hurt Sirius, did I?"

James shook his head. "I promise you, Sirius is fine. Everyone is fine. You didn't hurt anyone, but we did have a bit of a close call." James took a deep breath. "Snape got past the Whomping Willow last night. He got pretty far, though I managed to pull him out with nothing more than minor scratches, mostly from the Willow. But he saw enough."

Remus' eyes bulged. "What?" he exclaimed, panicked. "But… but how? How could he get past the Whomping Willow? That's impossible. It can't be done unless you know how."

"He knew how," James said flatly. "He was told how. Sirius told him how."

Remus turned a bit green. He seemed to be at a loss for words. It took him several minutes to even appear to comprehend what James had said.

"Did Snape… tell anyone?" he asked slowly.

"I don't think so," James answered. "Professor Dumbledore said that we would meet again today to discuss what happened. He wanted to wait until you could join us."

"Let's go then," Remus said, starting to struggle out of bed, looking very pale.

"Hang on," James said, putting up his hands to stop him. "You're nowhere near ready to move. Try not to panic Moony. Dumbledore will know what to do. He will fix this mess that Sirius created."

"Sirius…" Remus said dully. "I don't understand… why would he do that?"

"He thought it would be funny," James spat. "He didn't even consider the consequences."

Remus looked at him, his eyes wide with confusion. "That makes no sense…"

"Yeah, well I've given up trying to make sense of it," James said, shaking his head.

"What if Snape tells someone?" Remus said, suddenly sounding panicked. "What if it gets spread around the whole school? What if parents start complaining and they make me leave school?"

"They can't make you leave," James said firmly. "You haven't hurt anyone; they have no grounds for expelling you. All they have is their prejudice, and Dumbledore won't be swayed by that."

"How could he?" Remus demanded, suddenly furious. "He could ruin everything and all for some stupid joke. I trusted him!"

"It's going to be okay, Remus," James assured him. "Dumbledore is meeting with Snape, Peter and me soon and I'm sure he'll fix this."

"I'm going too," Remus said, swinging his feet over the side of his bed. "Help me get dressed." He reached for the pile of robes lying on a chair next to his bed.

"Sirius will probably be there too," James warned.

"Good," Remus said darkly. "That way I can tell him exactly how much of an ass he is."

"Where do you think you are going, Mr. Lupin?" Madam Pomfrey demanded, hurrying over.

"I've got to go see Professor Dumbledore," he told her. "Something happened last night…"

"Yes, Professor Dumbledore told me about that," Madam Pomfrey said, her voice dropping some. She looked at James. "Potter, will you be going as well?"

"Yes, ma'am," James said.

"Very well," she said. "You keep a close eye on Mr. Lupin, he may be unsteady for a while. I don't like him out of bed this soon, but talking with the Headmaster will calm his nerves."

"I'm right here, you know," Remus said indignantly.

"Oh, I have not forgotten, Mr. Lupin," Madam Pomfrey said with a smile. She waved her wand and his clothes magically changed. "Feel free to come back after your meeting with Professor Dumbledore if you don't feel well enough."

Remus slid out of bed and swayed a bit, but did not fall. He started off out of the Hospital Wing and James followed him closely. It was very slow heading for the Headmasters office and the two were silent the whole way, both lost in thought. They made it to the gargoyle just as Peter was entering, looking nervous.

"Hi Remus," Peter said, sounding shaken.

"Peter," Remus greeted stiffly as they rode the moving staircase up to the Headmaster's office.

As they entered the office they saw that they were not the first ones there. Snape was in the middle of saying something and snapped his mouth shut as he watched the three Marauders enter.

"Ah, just in time," Dumbledore said pleasantly. He waved his wand and a chair appeared in front of his desk. "Mr. Lupin, why don't you have a seat, you look a little unsteady still."

Remus paused and for a moment James was afraid he was going to refuse and be too proud. He was used to hiding his injuries after the full moon and never liked getting special treatment because he was afraid someone would notice. But finally he moved forward and took a seat, apparently too tired to stand. He had seemed so angry just minutes ago but upon seeing Snape it seemed like all the energy had been drained out of him.

"Now, I believe we had a very unfortunate incident last night," Dumbledore started calmly.

"He is a menace," Snape exploded, glaring at Remus. "He could have killed me! He's not even human, he shouldn't even be allowed a wand."

"If you knew anything, Snape, you'd know that werewolves are considered human by the Ministry of Magic, despite individual prejudices," James snapped.

"He's dangerous, Headmaster," Snape said, turning to Dumbledore. "The whole school is at risk, having such a monster wandering freely through the castle."

"Stop being dramatic," James countered. "Remus has been here for five years without incident. And that would remain so if _you_ hadn't decided to wander out of bounds after curfew. You put yourself in danger."

Snape's eyes flared with anger. "I did not simply wander off!" he practically shrieked. "I was sent there! You sent me there knowing full well what was going to happen!"

"_I_ didn't send you anywhere!" James yelled, matching Snape's volume.

"Calm down boys," Dumbledore finally spoke up. He turned his attention to Peter who looked quite nervous. "Mr. Pettigrew, I believe you are a witness to how Mr. Snape received his information. Could you enlighten us?"

Peter nodded, his eyes darting to James. "It was Sirius, not James," he said quickly. "James wasn't even there, he was still in detention and we were in the library. But Sirius didn't tell Snape to go. We were just talking and he happened to overhear."

"He knew! He knew I was listening," Snape said. "He did it on purpose. Where is the cowardly git, anyway?"

"That is not your concern," Dumbledore said firmly, causing the three remaining Marauders to look at him curiously. There was something strange behind Dumbledore's eyes when he said this, something troubling. "I believe the facts stand, Mr. Snape," he continued after a pause. "These boys did not force you to go out of bounds. It was your choice to follow Mr. Black's taunting. And I believe you owe Mr. Potter your gratitude, he went in after you at great personal risk."

Snape glared at James, obviously not about to thank him. "But-" he started, but the Headmaster silenced him with a look.

"There is no doubt that you were the victim of a dangerous trick, Mr. Snape," Dumbledore allowed. "However, Mr. Lupin is also a victim and not under trial here. The guilty party has already been given an adequate punishment."

Snape looked absolutely livid. "Headmaster, you can't be serious."

"Very serious," Dumbledore said calmly. "And seeing how you've demonstrated the severe prejudice that is, sadly, all too common in our world, I must insist that you keep Mr. Lupin's unfortunate condition to yourself."

"People have a right to know that there is an uncontrollable monster here at Hogwarts," Snape insisted.

"Acutally, in this situation it is Mr. Lupin who has a right to his privacy," Dumbledore said. "Might I remind you that you were caught leaving school grounds far after curfew, Mr. Snape. This is a serious infraction of school rules. Under the circumstances I am choosing to waive any punishment, but should word of Mr. Lupin's condition get out I assure you there will be severe consequences. Mr. Lupin is one of our brightest students here at Hogwarts. The staff has worked hard to provide an environment that is perfectly safe for the students here, every single student that lives within these walls. As Mr. Potter correctly pointed out, there has never been an issue of safety when it came to Mr. Lupin's lycanthropic state for the past five years. I think you would do well to be more observant of the school rules in the future that we set down and realize that there is a reason for them."

Snape looked simply shocked. This was obviously not how he was hoping this meeting would go. He was at a loss for words. James, on the other hand, felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. There would be no consequences for Remus because of what Sirius had done.

"Do you understand, Mr. Snape?" Dumbledore asked after a short pause, looking at Snape over his half-moon spectacles.

"Yes Headmaster," Snape muttered dully, looking down at the ground.

"I'm glad," Dumbledore said. "It is good that we were able to have this talk." He stood up from his desk. "Now, Mr. Snape, why don't you head back to your common room?"

With one last piercing glare at the three Marauders, Snape shoved his hands in his pockets, hunched his shoulders, and sulked out of Dumebldore's office. After he had left, Dumbledore resumed his seat and focused on Remus, who had been silent throughout this entire meeting.

"Well Mr. Lupin, it appears the situation is under control," Dumebldore said calmly. "No real harm done."

Remus nodded, a faraway look in his eyes. "Thank you professor," he said dully.

Dumbledore studied Remus for a moment. "I hope you won't take any of what Mr. Snape said to heart," he said. "He was very upset because of the events from last night."

"He is not alone in his beliefs," Remus said flatly.

Dumbledore looked somber. "This is true," he admitted. "I won't deny that there is stigma that surrounds the werewolf community. But I assure you there are people in this world that will not be so close-minded. I believe your friends have proven that."

James winced at the word friends. Sirius was supposed to be their friend too. But he had caused this mess.

"Thank you professor," Remus said, looking a little less depressed. He started to get up from his chair and James moved to help him. "I think I'll return to the Tower now and get some rest."

"Of course," Professor Dumbledore said.

"Peter, would you help Remus?" James asked. "I'll be along in a minute."

"Sure James," Peter said immediately, stepping forward.

As they left the room, James turned back to Dumbledore. "Headmaster," he started slowly. "What kind of punishment did you give Sirius?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Potter," Dumbledore said. "But I cannot discuss private student matters."

James was frustrated. He had been affected by Sirius' stupid, reckless prank, why couldn't he know what kind of punishment he had received. Had Dumbledore gone easy on him? He hoped not.

"Okay," James said flatly with a bit of anger in his voice, and started to leave.

"Mr. Potter," Dumbledore said, causing James to stop and turn. "I understand that you are angry, and have every right to be. However I urge you to not let one mistake ruin what I observed to be a very strong friendship."

"One huge mistake," James muttered.

"I don't deny that Mr. Black had a serious lapse in his judgment," Dumbeldore said. "And I assure you that the punishment reflects the seriousness of the situation. However after speaking at length with Mr. Black I do believe that he had not meant any real harm and I do believe he will be more mindful of his decisions in the future."

James curtly nodded. He wasn't concerned about Sirius right now. It was Remus that he had to worry about. He knew how being so close to causing fellow classmates harm would plague him.

"Thanks professor," he said shortly as he turned and headed for the door.


	5. The Suspension

**Author's Note: Thank you to those of you who took the time to review! :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Harry Potter**

_Chapter Five: The Suspension_

Sirius stepped out into the cold, dark kitchen of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. He stood still and listened to the silence. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but the room was empty with no sign of life. Not even Kreacher, the family's house elf, could be found. He found this more ominous than if he had walked in to find his mother screaming at him.

He hitched his rucksack higher on his shoulder and started up out of the basement kitchen, his footsteps echoing eerily off the stonewalls. The hallway above was also deserted and silent as Sirius quickly passed through it and to the stairs. As he passed the drawing room located on the first floor above the entryway he finally saw a hint of life. There was a fire burning and low voices could be heard behind a partially closed door. But Sirius did not pause even for a moment and kept his gaze straight ahead of him. He quickened his pace and took the steps two at a time up to finally reach the landing where his and his brother Regulus' rooms were located.

"Master Sirius," came a low raspy voice. Sirius spotted Kreacher hovering in the shadows at the top of the stairs. "Kreacher was told that you would be returning for a short while. Kreacher tried to fix your bedroom for you."

"I've told you to stay out of my room," Sirius snapped.

"Mistress insisted that Kreacher prepare your room for you," the house elf went on, no trace of an apologetic note in his voice.

Sirius just barked a cruel laugh. "Bet you didn't have much luck," he said.

"Young Master Sirius appears to have used powerful spells on his decorations," Kreacher drawled. "Kreacher tried very hard. Kreacher will have to tell his Mistress."

"Go ahead, I don't care," Sirius spat, opening his door and snapping it shut behind him.

He glanced around his bedroom to see that nothing had changed. Last summer he had decided to redecorate his room after a particularly nasty spat with his mother. He had written to James, Remus, and Peter and requested Muggle magazine clippings that he knew would anger his parents. He had received many pictures of motorcycles and women in bikinis (mostly from James) and had used permanent sticking charms to plaster his walls. He wanted his bedroom to stick out horribly from the rest of the house to show how much he hated it and how he was willing to openly reject his parents' beliefs. He had also decorated in Gryffindor colors to show his House pride. He was not ashamed that he was not a snake like his brother and almost all his relatives.

He tossed his rucksack on the floor and threw himself onto his bed. He had a heavy feeling in his chest being here outside of the summer holidays. He stared at the ceiling and his thoughts whirled over the events of the previous night. He hoped Remus would be okay and wondered how angry he would be. He had never seen Remus very angry before and couldn't help being a little glad that he wouldn't have to face that for two weeks. Perhaps Remus will have cooled off by then.

The minutes ticked by and Sirius was not disturbed. He wondered vaguely if his parents would simply ignore him and pretend that he wasn't there. He certainly wouldn't have minded. However somehow, knowing his parents, he knew that wouldn't happen. So when his bedroom door was flung open without so much as a knock he didn't flinch and simply continued to stare at the ceiling.

"There you are," came a deep, sinister voice. "You don't even bother saying hello to your parents when you come home anymore?"

"Sorry," Sirius said lazily, not sparing his father a glance. "Not really in the mood."

"I spoke with Professor Dumbledore this morning," Orion Black went on, stepping into the room. Although Sirius still wouldn't look at him he knew that he would be scowling at the walls. "It seems you have been suspended for two weeks from Hogwarts for putting a Slytherin student in mortal danger."

"That's correct," Sirius said flatly.

"You never could use your head properly," Orion sighed. "Regulus says that this Snape boy is very respectable and on a good path. However putting a student that you don't like in mortal danger… I must say that is one thing that fits within the Black family very well. If we could only convince you to join the right side…"

At this Sirius finally sat up and glared at his father. "I am nothing like the Black family," he spat.

"Perhaps you are more like your family than you would like to think," Orion said with a smile, knowing that he hit a nerve. "If you would consider not returning to Hogwarts I'm sure your cousin Bellatrix would be very happy to mentor you." There was a cruelty underlying Orion's words that caused Sirius to shiver.

"Not a chance," Sirius hissed. "I know what you want. But I will never become a Death Eater. Ever. So you can just sod off."

Orion's eyes narrowed and flashed dangerously. "You cannot order me in my own house," he snapped, his voice rising with sudden rage.

"Yeah well, I will be out of your house as soon as humanly possible," Sirius said with disgust. "Trust me I don't want to be here even more than you don't want me here."

"You ungrateful brat," Orion spat. He waved his wand that Sirius hadn't even noticed had been in his hand and suddenly the mattress he was sitting on flipped him off it onto the floor on the far side of the bed. Sirius landed with a thud that radiated through his chest just as the door to his bedroom slammed shut.

Sirius just lay there for a moment, catching his breath as it had been knocked out of him. "Oh this is going to be a fun two weeks," he muttered bitterly to himself.

As the days passed, Sirius kept to his room as much as possible. Kreacher would bring him his school work as it was sent from the castle and Sirius worked harder on it than he ever had since he had so much time on his hands. He was happy for anything that would distract him and make the time pass more quickly. He left his room only in times of necessity when he had to use the bathroom or couldn't stand the rumbling in his stomach any longer. Inevitably when he would leave his bedroom he would run into his mother who would proceed to scream at him for being a blood traitor.

Finally his sentence was almost up. It was the Friday before he would return back to school and other than being bored and annoyed Sirius was still in good health, which was more than he had expected. However he had counted this victory a little too soon. That afternoon he ventured out of his room to get some food and as he descended the stairs he suddenly found himself face to face with his father, who he had not seen since the first day of his suspension.

"I want to talk to you," Orion said in a dark voice, firewhiskey heavy on his breath. He grabbed Sirius' upper arm and shoved him into the nearby drawing room. Sirius stumbled a bit, but quickly whirled around and backed away from his father. He knew the look in his eyes all too well. His hand went to the back pocket of his pants where his wand was. "I believe your suspension is finished tomorrow."

"Yes, I'll be going back to school in the morning," Sirius confirmed.

"Back to filthy mudbloods and half-bloods," Orion spat. "The unworthy. Filth. You could be so much more, boy." Orion sounded unsteadily.

"I find them more worthy than this bloody family," Sirius retorted. Orion raised his wand in fury, but Sirius was ready. He whipped his own wand around and exclaimed "_Expelliarmus!_" Orion's wand flew out of his hand and Sirius smirked, holding his own wand at the ready, enjoying the shock on his father's face. "I am not twelve anymore, father," he said in a low threatening voice. "You cannot bully me anymore. Don't underestimate me."

But what Sirius hadn't noticed was that Walburga Black had been standing in the doorway watching the scene.

"You dare raise your wand to your own father, blood traitor!" she shrieked. The smirk slipped off of Sirius' face and before he could react or even comprehend that his mother was about to attack him - she had only ever verbally abused him - her wand was up and she screamed, "_Crucio!_"

Sirius watched the curse come at him, frozen where he stood, and when it hit him it was like nothing he had ever felt before. He stumbled and then collapsed to the floor in a heap, letting both his and his father's wands fall away from him. Every nerve in his entire body was alive with excruciating pain. He screamed like he had never screamed before and writhed but he could do nothing to dull the pain. He found himself wishing for death, why wouldn't they just kill him and get it over with. _'Please, please just let me die!'_

After what seemed like an eternity in pure hell Sirius was suddenly aware that the pain had stopped, though his muscles ached from clenching. His breath came in ragged gasps and he was covered in a cold sweat. He was horrified to realize that there were tears in his eyes and quickly blinked them away. All his energy had been drained out of him and all he could do was lay limp on the drawing room floor.

A foot pushed Sirius' shoulder and rolled him to lay flat on his back, staring up into his father's face. Orion crouched down next to his son, a cruel look on his face.

"Weak, pathetic boy," he said in a low hiss. "I will remind you what it means to be in this family."

Suddenly there was a searing pain on Sirius' exposed forearm, but he could do little more than clench his teeth and let out an agonized groan. His muscles seized up and his body could take no more. Sirius saw dark spots for a moment before unconsciousness took him and he knew no more.


	6. An Explanation

**Author's Note: Just a heads up, there is a bit of a time shift in this chapter. The last chapter ended at the end of Sirius' two week suspension, and this chapter begins a week into his suspension and ends at the same time the last chapter did. Hope that's not too confusing! And if you would like quicker updates, please review! Thanks to those of you who have already reviewed, it makes me happy. :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Harry Potter.**

_Chapter Six: An Explanation_

A week had passed since Sirius had been suspended. Lily, had been watching the Marauders closely, shocked that none of them seemed concerned by Sirius' sudden disappearance. Finally she decided that she had to talk to someone before she exploded. There was only one person that she knew for sure she could talk to.

Lily knocked on the Headmaster's door.

"Come in!" Dumbledore called.

Lily pushed the door open and found Dumbledore working behind his desk. He looked up and smiled pleasantly.

"Good afternoon, Miss Evans," Dumbledore said lightly. "How may I help you?"

"Hello Headmaster," she said, smiling. He paused, realizing that she should have had a better plan before coming up here. "I was just… I was wondering…"

"Yes, Miss Evans?" Dumbledore prompted. "Why don't you have a seat and tell me what's on your mind."

Lily sat down in a chair across from Dumbledore. "Well, I know it's not really appropriate to inquire about other students," she started slowly. "But it's been a week and I'm getting worried about Sirius. He told me that he had been suspended and was going home to his parents… and I know his parents don't like him much…"

Dumbledore nodded, looking a bit solemn. "Mr. Black has been in touch since going home," he informed her. "He is keeping up on all his schoolwork so that he won't fall behind. He's been sending in all his assignments right on time."

Lily nodded. "I know it's none of my business," she said. "I don't know what happened last week… but I find it appalling that Potter and his friends aren't even concerned."

"I am under the impression that Mr. Potter and his friends aren't aware of where Mr. Black is at the moment," Dumbledore said.

"But why wouldn't they know?" Lily said. "They aren't even concerned with why he hasn't shown up in classes or the Tower in a week! It just doesn't make any sense, I've never even seen them have a small fight, let alone something like this."

"Unfortunately I cannot enlighten you as to the circumstances of Mr. Black's suspension," Dumbledore said.

"I understand that professor," Lily said with a slight laugh. "I was just letting off some steam. I find the whole situation very ridiculous."

"Well I am happy to lend a listening ear anytime, Miss Evans," Dumbledore said with a small smile.

"You might not be able to answer this either, professor," Lily said. "But… did Sirius really have to go back to his parents? Was what he did really that bad?"

Dumbledore paused. "I will not deny that I have an idea about Mr. Black's home life," he said slowly, carefully choosing his words. "I did actually offer to explore the idea of a different punishment, however Mr. Black did insist on the original punishment."

"He…" Lily trailed off at a loss for words. "Why…"

"Why indeed," Dumbledore agreed. He leaned forward and laced his fingers. "It is very puzzling."

Lily simply nodded, a faraway look in her eye. Why in the world would Sirius insist on being suspended from Hogwarts? She thought deeply about this as she left the Headmaster's office and wandered through the corridors. The obvious answer seemed to be that after whatever had happened between them, Sirius wanted to avoid his fellow Marauders. However this didn't quite sit right with Lily. She knew that Sirius was no coward, and even if he did want to avoid James, Remus and Peter he could certainly do that without being sent away.

Lily entered the common room and spotted what was left of the Marauders in a far corner of the room. Something suddenly occurred to her as she watched them. Maybe it wasn't about Sirius simply trying to avoid friends that were mad at him. If what he had done was bad enough to anger James so much, Lily expected that even if it was his fault, Sirius would be angry as well. James and Sirius were so similar in that way. But Sirius anger would have to be directed at himself if he were in fact at fault.

James glanced up and caught Lily staring at them. She quickly looked away as she spun around and headed up to her dormitory before James had a chance to confront her. However, she finally understood. Sirius had gone home because he knew how his parents would treat him… and he _wanted_ to be punished for hurting his friends. It was the only explanation that made sense.

XxXxX

James woke with a start. He was covered in a cold sweat as he sat bold upright, quickly taking in his surroundings. The details of his nightmare were already starting to fade away. He wiped sweat off his forehead and then swept aside the curtains that surrounded his bed. He felt restless as he pushed himself out of bed, heading to the bathroom to get a drink of water.

James returned to the dormitory, sipping from a water glass. He looked around the dormitory. He could hear both Remus and Peter breathing softly behind their own curtains. Then his gaze fell on the empty bed next to his. Sirius' bed. It had remained empty for about two weeks now. It was very curious. It was understandable that Sirius would avoid the dormitory after what happened. However he hadn't turned up in any classes since that night either. James was certain he would turn back up after the first week, but he hadn't. None of the teachers had seemed surprised at all by this absence, never questioning where Sirius was.

James felt extremely torn. On the one hand he was still mad as hell at Sirius for what he put Remus through. But at the same time he felt a twinge of worry somewhere in the back of his mind. Sirius hadn't been expelled, had he?

Remus had been overly quiet over the past two weeks. Snape had obviously heeded Dumbledore's warning and had kept Remus' secret to himself, for no other students made any indication that anything had changed with Remus. However James still noticed Remus seemed to shy away from the rest of the school more than usual. He picked secluded corners of the common room and library while he was studying. He avoided chatting with other students unless it was completely necessary. He even all but stopped raising his hand during classes. Obviously the close call during the full moon had disturbed him deeply.

James felt too restless to climb back into bed, but he didn't want to wake anyone with his pacing. He decided to head down to the common room. Surely no one would be there at this hour and he could pace around until he calmed down from the nightmare that he couldn't even remember.

However as James descended the stairs he found that he was not the only student awake at this hour. A flash of red hair caught his eye from a squashy armchair in front of the fire.

"Evans?" James asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Potter," Lily greeted stiffly.

"What are you doing up?" he asked.

"Well I am very fond of this armchair, and this is the only time that you and your friends leave it free." It took James a minute to realize she was being sarcastic. She held up the small book that had been sitting in her lap, shooting him a look of exasperation. "A bit of recreational reading," she said by way of explanation.

"At this time of night?" James asked, plopping down in an armchair next to her.

"Couldn't sleep," she said shortly, turning her gaze back to her novel.

James studied her for a moment, reflecting on how she had seemed much colder then usual toward him the past few weeks.

"Something wrong, Evans?" James asked. "You are usually the first one in bed on a Friday night."

"Meaning what?" Lily asked, shooting him a glare.

James shrugged. "Just seems odd. You seem… on edge."

"Well I have a few extra things on my mind," she said, still not giving anything anyway. A few moments of silence passed. "Not that you are concerned, obviously," she muttered more to herself than to James.

"Concerned about what?" James asked, confused.

Lily let out a sigh. "Oh I don't know," she said sarcastically. "Perhaps the disappearance of your supposed best friend."

James' face turned dark. He hadn't expected that. "I don't believe that's any of your business, Evans," he said flatly.

"It seems to be more my business than yours these days," she shot back.

"Why do you even care," James snapped. "It's not like you're friends with him."

Lily snapped her book shut. "Why do you _not_ care?" she demanded. "Someone has to pick up the slack, considering where he's been sent."

James was taken aback. "You know where he is?" he asked incredulously.

"Well yes, I do," Lily said matter-of-factly. "And I don't care what it is he has done, no one deserves that kind of punishment."

"You have no idea what he's done," James said, though at this point he wasn't so sure that was true.

"And you have no idea what his punishment is," Lily shot back.

"Well then, what is it?" James demanded.

Lily stood up, looking at him coldly. "I don't believe that's any of your business, Potter," she said firmly before spinning on her heels and heading back up the staircase to her dormitory.

James just sat there, dumbstruck. Lily knew what Sirius' punishment was and he didn't? And she was actually defending him after all the times she had scolded him for being immature. Lily never appeared to like Sirius any more than she liked James. James had had a huge crush on Lily ever since second year. He had tried courting her to no avail for years and he found himself jealous of the way that she appeared to suddenly care for Sirius.

James rubbed his temples, feeling a headache starting just behind his eyes. Why did everything have to be so complicated? He suddenly felt as if a large weight had dropped on his shoulders.

He thought back over what Lily had said. She had said that Sirius had been _sent_ somewhere. Did that mean that he wasn't even in the castle anymore? That didn't seem so unlikely, given that he hadn't shown up for any classes. But where would Dumbledore have sent him? Surely he wasn't… in Azkaban. James quickly shook off this thought, finding it ridiculous.

Several minutes passed as James sat stunned in his seat, his mind going over unlikely possibilities surrounding Sirius' disappearance. Finally he dragged himself to his feet and stumbled back up to bed, where he would toss and turn the rest of the night, his mind filled with too many questions for a restful sleep.


	7. Toujours Pur

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews, I really appreciate it! :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Harry Potter**

_Chapter Seven_

_Toujours Pur_

The next day was Saturday, two weeks after the row between the Marauders. Remus was up early and was down in the common room working on homework along with the other early risers in the Gryffindor Tower. He noticed Lily Evans walking down the staircase looking more tired than usual, yawning as she greeted her friends and joining them in the far corner of the common room.

Around mid-morning the common room was starting to fill up, though there was still no sign of James or Peter. Remus didn't expect to see them until closer to the afternoon. Both tended to sleep late. 'Sirius usually sleeps late too…' the thought passed through Remus' tired mind before he could stop it. He had done his best not to think of Sirius the past two weeks and he certainly didn't want to start now.

Just then the portrait swung open. Remus glanced up along with most of the other students, curious as to who had been out so early on the weekend. His stomach dropped as he immediately recognized who was stumbling through the portrait hole. It was Sirius.

As Sirius had not been seen at all in two weeks, this caused a bit of a stir amongst the students. Sirius, however, a small rucksack slung over his shoulder, did not glance around and headed straight for the spiral staircase that led up to the sixth year boys' dormitory. Remus felt frozen, unsure how to react. Sirius had betrayed him, the act of using his lycanthropic state as a prank was unthinkable… the question was, however, was the act unforgiveable?

Then Remus noticed that Lily had risen from her seat and moved closer to the boys' staircase where Sirius had just disappeared, looking up it. She looked unsure, like she was debating going up after him. Then she glanced at Remus and moved closer to him.

"You don't suppose Potter is up, do you?" she asked quietly.

Remus stared at her for a moment. "I doubt it," he said finally. "He usually sleeps late."

"Did it look like he was walking funny?" Lily asked, looking back toward the staircase. She looked worried.

"Er," Remus said. "Can't say that I noticed."

Lily looked back at him. "I understand that you lot are having some sort of fight," she said bluntly. "But please don't be too hard on him. He's really upset about whatever happened."

Remus gave Lily a quizzical look. He had never seen her that concerned over one of the Marauders. "What's this about, Lily?" he asked carefully.

"Look, I'm not going to pretend that I know what it is that Sirius did, but I do understand that for it to get that kind of reaction out of you lot it had to have been bad," she said. "But I must say, I am a bit appalled with the punishment that he was given. I don't think anyone deserves that."

Remus got a bit wide eyed. "What kind of punishment was he given?" he asked. He couldn't imagine what kind of punishment would appall Lily, who was usually all for punishing wrongdoers, giving James and Sirius many detentions since she became a prefect.

But Lily shook her head. "It's not my place to tell you," she said firmly. "You'll have to ask him. I just want to make sure he wasn't seriously injured or anything."

A moment later Sirius came trudging back down the staircase, his rucksack gone. He looked over to where Remus was sitting with Lily standing beside him, took a deep breath, and then walked over.

"All right, Sirius?" Lily asked.

"Fine Lily, thanks," Sirius said quietly. Remus was surprised to find that they were suddenly on a first name basis. Sirius turned to Remus. "Can I talk to you? Privately?"

"Yeah, sure," Remus said without pausing. His curiosity had gotten the better of him and he wasn't naturally an angry person, at least not this far from the full moon.

Remus stood up and followed Sirius out of the portrait hole and into the corridor. They walked down a few floors in silence. However as Remus watched Sirius carefully he did notice a slight limp in his gait, though he seemed to be trying to walk as steadily as he could. They entered an empty classroom and Sirius closed the door behind them. As he turned Remus studied him more closely. He was paler than usual and even appeared a bit skinnier. There was a terrible storm behind his grey eyes.

"First of all I would like to ask if you would like to hit me," Sirius stated bluntly.

Remus thought for a moment. "No, I don't think I would," he said calmly. "Though the answer may have been different had you asked two weeks ago."

Sirius nodded grimly. "How about yelling and screaming? Is there any of that you'd like to do?"

"Well I would hope you realized how much of a git you are by now," Remus said evenly.

"The thickest git there ever was," Sirius confirmed grimly. "Also, I owe you the largest apology in the world. And I know I'm way overdue with this. I would have written you but I didn't have access to an owl. I'm really sorry Remus. What I did was so stupid. I really regret it. I wish I could go back and take it all back."

Remus just looked at him for a minute though Sirius wouldn't meet his gaze. "Sirius," he finally said slowly, "why don't you sit down. You're shaking."

Sirius looked down at his hands and seemed surprised to find them to be trembling. "I'm fine," he said quietly.

"No, really," Remus insisted, looking at him like he was afraid Sirius was about to fall over. "Sit down."

Sirius shuffled over to one of the chairs and plopped down.

"I'm so sorry Remus," Sirius said.

"Yeah, I gathered that," Remus said, moving closer. Sirius seemed to be getting paler. "Sirius, where have you been the last two weeks?"

"I was suspended," Sirius said flatly. "No less than I deserved."

Remus paused, thinking. "Suspended…" he said slowly, putting the pieces together. "So you were…"

"At my parents' house," Sirius finished.

"Oh no," Remus said, finally understanding. "Are you alright?"

Sirius gave a dry laugh and a grim smile. "I don't deserve your pity Remus," he said quietly.

Remus shook his head. "Don't put yourself down like that," he said, moving to sit in the chair next to Sirius. "What you did… well it was bad. I won't pretend that it wasn't. But it could have been a lot worse. James definitely saved your skin as well as Snape's and mine. The only real ramification would be Snape now knows… but Dumbledore forbid him to tell anyone."

Sirius nodded. "I'm glad that others were able to clean up my mess," he said dully. Then he shook his head, placing a hand on his forehead. After a moment he shook it again as if trying to clear something out of it. "What about you? How have you been holding up with all of this?"

"Well, physically, it was like any other transformation," he said slowly. "No worse than usual…" Sirius finally looked up at Remus waiting for the truth. Remus sighed. "It was difficult… looking straight in the face of the prejudice that I will have to deal with all my life for something I can't even control."

Sirius shook his head firmly. "It's ignorance, Remus," he said. "Who cares what you become once a month? What matters is what you are the other 29 or so days out of every month. For the majority of the year, you are a much better man than I am, Remus Lupin. And you are miles ahead of most of the Slytherins. Hell, even after you transform you are still better than some of the Slytherins. At least you are contained."

Remus gave Sirius a smile and chuckled quietly. "Thanks mate," he said.

"What can I do to make it up to you?" Sirius asked seriously.

Remus just shook his head. "Don't worry about it," he said. "We're square."

"You sure?" Sirius asked.

"Just think before you pull another prank," Remus said. "Think of the consequences."

Sirius nodded. "Trust me, I will," he said.

"So why don't we head back to the Tower and see if we can convince James to forgive you," Remus said standing up. "Somehow I think he's going to take more convincing that I did." He laughed, only partially joking.

Sirius barked a laugh. "James is one for the grudges," he said.

Sirius went to get up out of his chair and started to lean to one side, almost falling over. Remus grabbed his arm just above the elbow to steady him, and then helped him to his feet. But something on Sirius' shirtsleeve caught his eye.

"Sirius, what's that?" Remus asked, hoping that it was just a stain from some food or something.

"What?" Sirius said, glancing down at his sleeve.

"That," Remus said, turning the sleeve of Sirius' white dress shirt that was part of the school uniform. He revealed deep red spots dotting the white fabric just below his elbow.

Sirius shrugged, staring at it intently. "Dunno," he said, suddenly sounding far away. "Stain from something? Must have made a mess while eating or something."

Remus studied Sirius' face. Then, without bothering to ask for permission, he rolled up Sirius' sleeve. What he saw made his stomach turn. There were many cuts along Sirius' inner forearm that were still dripping red blood. As Remus stared, he noticed that the cuts seemed to form letters.

"_Toujours pur," _Remus read. Then he looked up at Sirius for an explanation.

"Always pure," Sirius translated flatly, not meeting Remus' eyes.

"Did your parents' do this?" Remus asked bluntly a note of disbelief in his voice.

"Little present from dear old dad," Sirius said quietly, staring down at the floor.

Remus just stared and Sirius offered up no further explanation. Remus looked up and tried to meet Sirius' eyes, but he wouldn't look up from his arm. Remus had never seen Sirius so subdued before. The silence stretched on.

"Let's go to the Hospital Wing," Remus said finally, turning to go out the door.

"No," Sirius said flatly. "I'm not going to the Hospital Wing,"

Remus turned back. "What are you talking about?" he asked, not understanding. He indicated Sirius' arm. "You're bleeding."

Sirius shook his head firmly. "It'll stop soon," he said. "It's not terribly deep."

Remus gave Sirius a confused look. "Don't you understand Sirius?" he asked. "This isn't okay. You're parents can't carve words into your arm. We have to tell someone about this."

"No," Sirius said more confidently, pulling his shirtsleeve back down. "Look Remus, I'm fine."

"You're not fine," Remus said immediately. "It's not even just your arm… you're pale and shaky too."

"Making me feel real good about myself there, Moony," Sirius said with a small laugh.

Remus just stared. "How can you joke?"

"Look, Remus, let's just go find James and Peter," Sirius said, walking passed Remus and toward the door. "I need to make things right with them. I promise, if it's still bleeding later I'll stop by the Hospital Wing."

Remus sighed. He did not agree but could see that there was no talking Sirius into it right now. He simply followed Sirius back out into the corridor and they headed back up to the Gryffindor Tower.


	8. I'm Sorry

**Author's Note: Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed so far! :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Harry Potter**

_Chapter Eight: I'm Sorry_

As they entered there were more students milling about. Sirius and Remus headed right up to the dormitory.

Up in the dormitory Peter was just crawling out of bed and James' bed was already empty. At first it looked as if he had already left, but a minute later he came out of the bathroom, already dressed. His eyes narrowed a bit when he spotted who was entering the room. At first James and Sirius merely looked at each other in silence. Remus moved over to sit on his own bed, leaving them to work it out between them.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said finally, with an air of simply continuing a conversation that they had already been having.

"You're sorry?" James demanded, anger immediately in his voice. He marched up to Sirius. "Do you have any idea how thick-headed that little stunt you pulled was? If I hadn't stepped in a student could be dead and Remus could be in Azkaban!"

"I know," Sirius said quietly, hanging his head. "I didn't think-"

"Well that's obvious!" James spat.

"There's really no excuse," Sirius said with a sigh. "But I really didn't think Snape would get that far. It was just supposed to be a scare."

"That is the dumbest thing I ever heard!" James said.

"Oh come on, there has to be something dumber than that," Sirius said lightly, trying for a bit of a laugh. "How about that time I suggested you go out with the Giant Squid to make Evans jealous?" But James simply glared and balled his hands into fists and for a moment Remus was sure James was about to hit Sirius. Sirius dropped his gaze, shoved his hands into his pockets, and frowned. "I wish I could just go back and change what I did," he said sullenly.

"Well you can't," James snapped.

"I know that," Sirius said quietly. "Is there anything I can do to make this better?"

"Why don't you ask Remus?" James said angrily. "He's the one you really hurt here."

"I already talked to Remus," Sirius said and James looked surprised and turned to look at Remus who was watching the scene from his bed.

"It's true," Remus confirmed with a nod. "He came to me first and we already talked about it. I forgave him."

James looked dumbstruck. "How can you forgive him so easily?"

Remus shrugged. "It's not in my nature to hold grudges like that," he said simply. "No one was hurt. It's hard to be angry about what could have happened. The reality is that what could have happened didn't happen."

"No thanks to him," James pointed out.

"True," Remus said. "But look at him. He's sorry about what he did and I'm sure this whole incident has scarred him for life." There was a dark note in Remus' voice at the word 'scarred.'

Sirius nodded. "Trust me, I will never pull a prank without thinking it through again," he said earnestly.

James just stared at Sirius for a minute. Finally he sighed.

"Well if Remus isn't angry, I guess it makes no sense for me to still be angry," he said, a note of exasperation in his voice.

Sirius allowed a cautious smile. "Does that mean you forgive me too?" he asked.

"Yeah, yeah," James said with a wave of his hand. "Just don't be that stupid ever again."

"Deal," Sirius said. Then he looked over at Peter who was watching the scene with interest from his own bed. "How about you, Wormtail? Will you forgive me too?"

Peter looked excited to be included. "Of course, Padfoot," he squeaked.

"Well it looks like all is right with the world again," Remus said with a laugh.

"So where have you been all this time anyway?" James asked as he headed back over to his trunk at the foot of his bed. "Must have been some punishment to get you out of classes for two whole weeks."

"Yeah," Sirius said, trying to sound nonchalant as he headed over to his own bed. "I was suspended." He knelt down and began unpacking the rucksack he had left next to his trunk.

"Suspended?" James said, not fully comprehending. Remus was watching James carefully, waiting for the moment when what really happened would dawn on him. "Like an in school suspension?"

Sirius shook his head, seeming to concentrate on putting his books back in his trunk, not looking at James. "No, I was sent home for two weeks."

There was a pause. "You were home?" he said slowly. "You mean, at your parents' house?"

"Yes," Sirius said shortly.

James looked shocked, but Sirius still refused to look at him. James then turned to look at Remus to see if he already knew this. Remus nodded. Then Remus took the opportunity of Sirius not looking at them to silently point at his own arm, and then pointed at Sirius. He didn't want to outwardly point out Sirius' injury, he knew that would only anger Sirius, but he wanted James' help in convincing him to go to the Hospital Wing. James took the hint and moved closer to Sirius, tilting his head to try and get a look at his arm.

"What's that?" James said, spotting the red stains on Sirius' shirtsleeve.

Sirius glared at Remus, guessing what had just happened and got up and moved away from James. "Just a stain from some food or something," he said dismissively.

James followed him. "Let me see," he said.

"Why?" Sirius scoffed. "You want to look at my dirty shirt?"

"Sirius, it looks like blood," James said bluntly.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well, I would deny it, but I'm guessing if I did Remus would finally decide to speak up."

"That's correct," Remus confirmed with a light smile.

Sirius sighed in defeat and rolled up his sleeve. James stepped closer, his brow furrowed as he studied the wound on Sirius' arm. Several minutes passed in silence, and Peter wandered over to see what James was looking at. He gave a little gasp when he saw the wound.

"_Toujours pur_," James finally read. Then he looked up at Sirius. "What's that?"

"Always pure," Sirius answered, a defeated note in his voice. "It's the Black family motto. Seems dear old dad wanted to make sure I remembered it."

"Your dad did this?" James asked in disbelief. Sirius slowly nodded. "Has he ever done anything like this before?"

"No," Sirius said, a little too quickly. "He was just in a bad mood."

"Are you seriously going to defend him?" James asked, his eyes widening in shock. "Sirius, this is sick." He motioned toward the wound.

"I'm not saying that it's not," Sirius clarified. "I just don't see it as a big deal. I mean all he's trying to do is force his beliefs that purebloods are better than the rest of humanity on me, and I still don't buy it. Even less so after this." He indicated his arm. "So the joke's on him I suppose." He gave a dry laugh.

"Joke?" James said, for once not joining in with Sirius' banter. "Sirius, this is no joke. This isn't funny at all. I mean, your parents can't just go around carving words into kids' arms…"

"I'm not really a kid," Sirius tried. "I'll be of age next year."

"Yeah, next year," James emphasized. "You are still a kid. And even if you were of age… they are your parents."

"Well we can't all have parents like yours, James," Sirius pointed out.

"Have you seen Madam Pomfrey about this?" James asked, ignoring the comment.

Sirius shook his head. "Look, it's not even bleeding anymore," he insisted. "I don't want to make a big deal about this. That's just what my father would want, to have me go crying to a teacher so he'll have one more thing to reprimand me for."

James just stared as Remus had done earlier. Sirius was dead set against going to the Hospital Wing and it seemed that there was no talking him into it. Remus sighed and finally stood up.

"If it starts bleeding again, I am not above jinxing you to get you into the Hospital Wing," Remus informed Sirius casually.

"Noted, Moony," Sirius said with a laugh. He grabbed a clean shirt out of his trunk and quickly changed as the others dispersed. "Now I dunno about you lot, but I am starved."

Remus noted that Sirius looked a bit starved and wondered if it was really an exaggeration. He must not have eaten well while at home.

"Yeah, it's about lunch time, isn't it?" James said, starting toward the door to the dormitory.

"Yes, you and Peter have once again slept through breakfast," Remus confirmed.

The four made their way down the spiral staircase and into the common room. Remus noticed Lily watching them from a far corner, and a slight smile on her face at seeing that it appeared things were back to normal with the Marauders.

Down in the Great Hall Sirius ate twice as much as the other Marauders, who already ate more than most. Remus watched him carefully, but now that Sirius had been accepted back he seemed to go back to his normal self. The wound on his arm still troubled Remus though, even if it had stopped bleeding. It certainly wasn't a life threatening injury and he was sure it would heal on his own, but he would have felt better if Sirius had let them tell a teacher. He kept thinking that Sirius would have to go back to that home next summer. And what if they did worse? What if Sirius didn't return from his parents' house next September for his sixth year? After seeing that they had no remorse carving words into their eldest son's arm, the idea did not seem so farfetched.

The rest of the day passed rather normally. The Marauders stayed huddled in the Gryffindor common room playing games of Exploding Snap and Wizard Chess and working on some homework. The group felt whole once again with Sirius back among them. They did not speak of Sirius' time away, just as over the years they had learned not to ask about Sirius' summer holiday. They knew that Sirius' parents disliked him… what they had not realized was just how much.

The Marauders were among the last to leave the common room that night, playing games and joking among themselves until after midnight. Finally the four of them trooped back up to their dormitory to get ready for bed.

Remus came out of the bathroom after changing to find Sirius sitting on the window sill, already changed, and staring out onto the darkened lawn of the school. He seemed oddly distant and lost in thought. Remus approached him slowly.

"You alright?" he asked.

Sirius didn't turn to look at him, but rather appeared to be looking at Remus' reflection in the window.

"I hope you realize how sorry I am," Sirius said softly. "I feel like I haven't conveyed that well enough today."

"You have," Remus said. "Try not to beat yourself up too much. It's in the past now and all you can do is learn from it."

"I can't believe I didn't even think about what the consequences would be for you," Sirius went on.

"Well, next time you will," Remus said.

"You can be too forgiving sometimes, you know that Moony?" Sirius said with a slight smile.

Remus just laughed. "Well it's hard to stay mad at a puppy with his tail between his legs," he said as he turned and made his way back to his own bed.

James and Peter made their way out of the bathroom and to their own beds and soon all four boys were sound asleep.


	9. Complications

**Author's Note: Thank you everyone who has reviewed so far! Please continue to do so! :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Harry Potter**

_Chapter Nine: Complications_

"No, stop, don't!" THUD.

Remus was suddenly awake and his reflexes alert as he whipped aside the curtain surrounding his bed to see what was going on. He heard a small commotion on the other side of James' bed and grabbed his wand off the nightstand and hurried around to see Sirius on the floor next to his own bed. His face was glistening with sweat, his eyes were wide with panic, and he was attempting to disentangle himself from his curtains and bedclothes. Remus quickly waved his wand and lit a candle between Sirius' and James' beds before hurrying over to help him.

"You okay?" Remus asked quickly, still unsure of what actually happened.

"Wha's going on?" came James' tired voice, much slower to wake up than Remus. Remus glanced over his shoulder to see James pulling aside his curtains to peer at them sleepily, still laying under his covers.

"'M fine," Sirius said quickly as he finally freed himself.

"Bad dream?" Remus asked.

"Yeah," Sirius said, still speaking quickly and fussing with his bedclothes to throw them back onto his bed. "Yeah, j-just a dream."

Remus studied Sirius, noticing that he still looked panicked, though he was now wide awake. He had never known Sirius to have such night terrors before. Then he caught a glimpse of Sirius' bare arm, glistening red once again.

"Sirius, you're bleeding again," Remus pointed out. He reached out and took Sirius' arm to show him, and as he did he realized that Sirius was trembling.

"What happened?" came James' voice again. He had gotten his glasses off the nightstand on the other side of his bed and had crawled to sit on the edge of his bed, looking down at the two but still blinking sleepily.

"Sirius fell out of bed," Remus said slowly, studying Sirius who seemed to finally be calming down a bit. "He was having a bad dream."

"Bad dream about what?" James asked.

"Nothing," Sirius said immediately. "I don't remember."

"His arm is bleeding again," Remus informed James, shifting so he could see.

James cocked his head a little. "That can't be normal, can it?" he said.

"It's fine," Sirius said forcefully, yanking his arm away from Remus. "Must have scratched the scab in my sleep or something."

"No, it looks like the whole wound has opened up again," Remus insisted. "You can't go on bleeding all the time Sirius, you should really let Madam Pomfrey take a look."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," James said, sliding off his bed. "C'mon Padfoot, we'll walk you down there. I'm sure Madam Pomfrey will be able to fix it in just a few minutes."

Sirius didn't move, but apparently couldn't think up an excuse not to go. He just sat there, staring at the blood slowly trickling down his arm.

"Sirius, please," Remus implored. "Be reasonable. Who knows what kind of spell your parents put on that. What if it opens up worse one night and you bleed to death?"

Sirius sighed, defeated. "Fine," he said flatly. Remus just nodded and stood up, then helped Sirius to his feet. "You don't have to come too," he said as he started toward the door.

"I don't mind," Remus said as he followed him.

James let out a big yawn. "Me neither," he said. "Don't want you getting into any trouble without me."

The three trooped down the spiral staircase into the deserted common room, then exited the Tower through the portrait hole. The Fat Lady grumped sleepily.

"Well, it's good to know that if any of us were being killed in our sleep, we wouldn't disturb Peter's beauty rest," James said with a laugh. "Heavy sleeper that one."

Remus laughed lightly, but Sirius didn't appear to have even heard him. Sirius was walking slower and slower, shuffling his feet as they made their way to the Hospital Wing. James tried cracking jokes to lighten the mood and Sirius would give half hearted laughs, though his face remained solemn.

Remus was watching Sirius very closely as he walked behind him, so when Sirius appeared to trip and fall forward Remus was immediately able to seize the back of Sirius' shirt and keep him from falling to the floor. But instead of regaining his footing, Sirius went limp.

"Sirius!" James exclaimed, helping Remus lower him to the ground. "Sirius, can you hear me?" Sirius' eyes remained closed. "What the hell just happened?" James demanded.

"I have no idea," Remus said, his eyes wide. "Come on, we have to get him to the Hospital Wing."

They each hoisted Sirius up, holding him between them and started off down the corridor. Luckily they weren't far from the Hospital Wing. Soon they were pushing open the doors and entering the deserted wing.

"I'm going to get Madam Pomfrey," Remus said as he ducked out from under Sirius and hurried down to Madam Pomfrey's office.

James pulled Sirius over to the closest bed and let Sirius fall onto it. As he hit Sirius let out a low moan.

"Sirius, can you hear me?" James asked quickly. In the background he heard Remus pounding on the door to Madam Pomfrey's office, trying to be heard in her quarters beyond her office.

"Wha…" Sirius mumbled.

"Stay still, Madam Pomfrey will be here in a minute," James said.

"What's going on here?" came Madam Pomfrey's voice right on cue. "Do you boys have any idea what time it is?"

"It's Sirius, Madam Pomfrey," James said as she hurried over. "There's something wrong with him."

"He came back from his suspension with these cuts on his arm," Remus explained a little farther. "They stopped bleeding earlier but started bleeding again tonight. We were walking him down here to get that looked at and he just suddenly fell."

"Did he trip?" Madam Pomfrey asked, starting to check him over. "Did he hit his head?"

James shook his head. "He didn't really trip, it was more like his knees gave out," he said. "And he didn't hit his head, Remus grabbed him before he hit the ground."

Madam Pomfrey lifted Sirius' wounded arm and tilted it this way and that, a concerned look on her face. "Did he say how he got these?" she asked slowly.

James and Remus glanced at each other.

"He said his dad did it," Remus said quietly. There was no way Remus wasn't going to tell the truth in this situation, though he had a feeling Sirius wouldn't be happy he told.

Madam Pomfrey looked truly startled. Then she quickly turned back to Sirius who seemed to be slowly regaining consciousness, rolling his head back and forth and moaning quietly. His eyes even opened slightly and he moved his arms as if to push Madam Pomfrey away.

"Lie still, Mr. Black," Madam Pomfrey ordered. Then she turned to James and Remus. "It doesn't look serious. I believe it was a small seizure that caused him to fall. What caused the seizure will be another matter. I'll give him some potions to relax him and keep a close eye on him tonight. You two should go back to bed, you shouldn't be out this late."

"We can stay," James said immediately.

Madam Pomfrey firmly shook her head. "I won't have it, Mr. Potter," she insisted. "It is nearly three in the morning. Mr. Black is just going to sleep anyway. You can come back and see him in the morning."

James stood still, his feet planted, but Remus moved forward and put his hand on his shoulder. "Come on, Prongs," he said quietly. "We'll come back first thing in the morning."

James sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. Then the two turned and headed back out of the Hospital Wing and into the deserted corridors.

"Eventful evening," Remus said as they started back toward the Gryffindor Tower.

"Yeah, that came out of nowhere," James said. "What do you think caused it?"

"I dunno much about seizures," Remus said. "Maybe stress? Being home for two weeks on suspension couldn't have been very pleasant."

"His dad carved into his arm," James said, shivering slightly. "That's just sick. I don't even want to think about what else his parents could have done to him." He shook his head. "I really don't understand people like that. How could anyone do that to their own child?"

"I don't understand it either," Remus said sadly. "It makes no sense."

They walked the rest of the way to the Gryffindor Tower in silence.

"Like I'm going to sleep after all that," James said after Remus had spoken the password to the sleepy Fat Lady and the two clamored into the common room.

"I know what you mean, I am wide awake," Remus agreed.

"Did you two leave the Tower just now?"

They both turned to see Lily Evans walking down the stairs from the girls' dormitory.

"Merlin, Evans, sleep much?" James said.

"Please tell me I did not just catch a fellow prefect breaking school rules," Lily said, looking at Remus.

"Of course not," Remus assured her. "We had to take Sirius down to the Hospital Wing."

"How did you even know we were out of bed?" James demanded. "Do you have some sort of sixth sense? Did you consult a crystal ball?"

"Light sleeper," Lily said shortly to James, before turning back to Remus, looking concerned. "What was wrong with Sirius?"

"He had a seizure, according to Madam Pomfrey," Remus said.

"Oh," Lily said, looking concerned. "Is he okay?"

"Madam Pomfrey says that he will be fine," Remus informed her.

"But what caused it?" Lily asked.

"That we do not know," Remus said, sounding troubled. "But he wasn't in very good shape when he returned from his suspension."

"Really, I don't see how that could have been an appropriate punishment," Lily said indignantly. "Dumbledore even said that he himself had been reluctant, but Sirius had insisted upon it…"

"Sirius insisted on being suspended?" James broke in. "Dumbledore told you that?"

Lily sent James a glare, as if she had forgotten that this conversation was not just between her and Remus.

"Yes he did," she said shortly.

"Why would Dumbledore talk to you about his punishment?" James demanded. "I asked him about Sirius' punishment too, but he wouldn't tell me anything."

"Well, perhaps I was acting more like a friend to him than you were," Lily said matter-of-factly.

"I've been Sirius' best mate since first year!" James countered.

"Yes, which makes how you treated him two weeks ago that much more appalling," Lily said calmly.

"How can you pass judgment on my actions, you've no idea what it was that he did!" James shot back.

"Only because you lot insist on being so secretive," Lily said.

"Oy!" Remus interjected, stepping between them. "I believe we have wandered a little off topic. We were discussing how Sirius looked when he returned from his parents' house and speculating about whether or not that had anything to do with the seizure that he had tonight."

"Well I would say that would be a safe bet," James said, grudgingly dropping the subject of Lily knowing more about Sirius' punishment than he did. "Especially considering what they did to his arm…"

"What was wrong with his arm?" Lily asked.

"You mean your best friend Dumbledore didn't tell you?" James said sarcastically.

Remus simply rolled his eyes at James' comment. "Well… it's a bit gruesome… but they caved the family motto into his arm. Toujours pur."

Lily turned a bit white. "They… carved into his arm?" she said in disbelief. Remus nodded solemnly. "Toujours pur… what does that mean?"

"Always pure," James said bitterly.

"That's… that despicable," Lily said, her eyes wide.

"Can't argue with that," James agreed darkly.

"Yeah, I'd say that's putting it lightly," Remus said.

All three stood in silence for several minutes, letting a sense of despair wash over them.

"You don't think… that after all this, he will have to go back to that house in the summer, do you?" Lily asked carefully.

"No," James said immediately. "There is no way he is going back there."

"Let hope not…" Remus said quietly, not convinced.

James turned and glared at him. "What do you mean?"

"I just mean that Sirius' family is very powerful," Remus said slowly. "Realistically, I think it will be hard to pin anything on them."

"What are you talking about?" James said. "Sirius admitted that his father carved into his arm."

"Very reluctantly, and only to us," Remus pointed out. "He knows what his family is capable of."

"So you don't think he'll admit it to anyone else?" James asked. Remus just shrugged. "But Madam Pomfrey already knows."

"Yes, but if Sirius himself won't admit it to anyone else, then there isn't much anyone can do," Remus said.

James opened his mouth to protest, but apparently couldn't think of anything to say.

Remus sighed. "It's late," he said. "I'm going to head back up to bed and see if I can get some sleep."

"Yeah, good idea," James admitted tiredly.

"Night Lily," Remus said as he headed for the boys' dormitory.

"Night Remus, night James," Lily said as she headed for her own dormitory.

They were almost all the way upstairs before Remus noticed that James was grinning.

"What are you so happy about?" Remus asked with a tone that wondered if James finally snapped.

"Didn't you hear that?" James asked merrily.

"Hear what?" Remus asked.

"Evans just called me James," James said excitedly.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Big day for you, huh?" he said sarcastically.

"Hey, it's progress," James said with a shrug.


	10. Haunted

**Author's Note: Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed so far! The more reviews I get the more motivated I am to put out new chapters. :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Harry Potter… obviously. **

_Chapter Ten_

_Haunted_

Sirius slept soundly for as long as Madam Pomfrey's potions held out. He was peaceful in oblivion. But as the hours passed on and the potion wore off Sirius became restless. Nightmares crept into his unconsciousness: pain, blood, agony. Torture. His mind reeled with memories of the Cruciatus Curse.

Sirius woke very suddenly. His eyes flew open as he gasped for breath as if he were just surfacing from being underwater.

He quickly took in his surroundings. He was lying on his back in a bed in the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts. He was not back at Grimmald Place. There was light streaming in through the windows, signaling that it was late in the morning, probably approaching the afternoon.

"Sirius?"

He suddenly realized that he wasn't alone. He closed his eyes briefly, searching for strength. The nightmares had made him feel like a small child. It was not a feeling that he enjoyed. He was stronger than this.

He opened his eyes and looked up at James, flashing a tired smile.

"Hey Prongs," he said. He sat up and stretched. "What are you up to?"

James gave him a strange look. This was different for him. Usually he would just join in with Sirius' joking. They always had the same sense of humor.

"How are you feeling?" Remus asked. Him and Peter were standing just behind James.

"Never better," Sirius said with a smirk. It wasn't completely a lie. Physically he felt fine. However echoes of his nightmares still put him mentally on edge. He looked around. He wanted nothing more than to get out of this Hospital Wing. "How about a prison break?" He shifted to let his legs hang off the edge of the bed.

"Not so fast, Mr. Black," came Madam Pomfrey's voice. It came so suddenly and so sharply that Sirius actually flinched. He had never been that jumpy before. She came hurrying over, pushing him back into bed. "I need to check you over."

Sirius rolled his eyes as Madam Pomfrey fussed over him.

"I'm fine," Sirius insisted.

"Well, I fixed up… I fixed your arm," Madam Pomfrey said, her eyes flashing to the bandage wrapped around his arm. Her tone was much stiffer than usual. "I can't say I know for sure why you lost consciousness while walking down here though. Frankly it doesn't make any sense."

"I guess I was tired," Sirius said with a shrug. "Can I go now?"

Madam Pomfrey sighed loudly. "Well I have no medical reason to keep you here," she admitted. "However, given the circumstances, I did inform the Headmaster about your injuries. He would like you to stop by his office tomorrow after dinner. He has some questions for you."

Sirius studied her face, trying to determine how much she knew. He didn't remember arriving in the Hospital Wing last night. He didn't know for sure how much Remus and James told her.

"Dandy," Sirius said finally, sliding out of bed again. Madam Pomfrey stood back, a look of disapproving on her face. She obviously didn't want him to leave, but she had no reason to make him stay.

"Take it easy, Mr. Black," Madam Pomfrey called after him as he walked out of the Wing with the rest of the Marauders in tow. Sirius gave a lazy wave to show that he had heard her.

Sirius had no desire to head back up to the Tower. Instead he headed for the Entrance Hall. Winter had just passed and spring was beginning to melt away the frost. During the afternoon hours the temperature was relatively comfortable, though a cloak was usually called for. Sirius was still wearing his pajama pants and shirt from the night before, but he didn't care. He needed some fresh air.

As he pushed open the front doors he almost felt annoyed that James, Remus and Peter were still following him. It wasn't out of the ordinary. The Marauders went everywhere together. They were inseparable. It was natural that they would follow him. But for once, he wished he could be alone to wrap his head around what happened. This was out of the ordinary. Sirius had never really been a loner, especially after he met his friends their first year at Hogwarts.

Sirius stood on the steps for several minutes, just breathing.

"Padfoot?" came James' voice. He sounded concerned. "You alright?"

Sirius managed a smile as he looked over at James. "Sure," he said. "You know that Hospital Wing always makes me feel closed in." James nodded, but he didn't look convinced. "I'm going to go for a walk," Sirius said suddenly after a few minutes of silence.

"It's a little cold out for short sleeves," Remus pointed out. "You don't want to end up right back in the Hospital Wing by getting sick."

Sirius glanced back at his companions. Both James and Peter were simply in their pants and long sleeved uniforms. Remus was the only one wearing his robes over his.

"Can I borrow your robes then?" Sirius asked.

Remus still didn't look happy about the idea, but slid out of his robes anyway and handed them over to Sirius. He pulled them on over his pajamas.

"I see you up in the Tower later," Sirius said by way of dismissal. He descended the stairs and headed out across the lawn.

He wasn't terribly surprised when his friends didn't just leave it at that. Thankfully all three of them didn't run after him. It was only James who ran up beside him and fell into step. Sirius made no comment, he simply shoved his hands in his pockets and kept walking.

James didn't say anything for several minutes.

"Well, you're not okay," James finally stated. "You are very far from okay." Sirius glanced at him briefly, unsure how to respond. "So?" James prompted.

"I don't know what you want me to say," Sirius said flatly.

"You don't have to talk about it," James said with a shrug. "But I heard Madam Pomfrey talking with Dumbledore before you woke up this morning. She had told us last night that she thought you had some sort of seizure or something. But she told Dumbledore it wasn't. She said that she thought it might have had something to do with stress."

"Well in case you didn't notice, the last two weeks have been a bit stressful," Sirius said as casually as he could. In his head he could hear echoes of his own screaming in his head. He did his best to ignore it.

"Yeah," James agreed slowly. "You just look… jumpy."

Sirius snorted. "Madam Pomfrey can be quite scary, you know that. She's like a Health Demon, remember?"

James sighed. "If something's going on," he started slowly. "Just don't block everyone out. We can help you, Sirius."

Sirius was quiet. He knew that James didn't understand. He didn't know what kind of power his parents had.

"Nothing's going on, James," Sirius said finally, trying to sound confident. "My dad got angry. It's nothing new. And yes, he went a little too far." He itched at the bandage on his arm. "But I'm fine. It's not going to happen again."

"How do you know?" James asked.

"Well, if it happens again then I'll do something about it," he said vaguely. "For now I just want to forget it."

James didn't look happy, but he thankfully let the subject drop, at least for now.

"Come on," he said. "We're both going to catch our deaths out here." He indicated heading back towards the castle.

"Yeah, okay," Sirius sighed.

They turned and started heading back toward the castle. Sirius felt his stomach slowly sinking. He knew this wasn't over.


	11. Denial

**Author's Note: Sorry this chapter is a little short but if I kept going into the next part it would have been ridiculously long and you guys would have been waiting a few more days. My goal is to get out at least one chapter a week. Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed! :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Harry Potter.**

_Chapter Eleven: Denial_

Over the next day and a half Sirius did his best to act as normal as possible. He so desperately just wanted everything to be like it was just over two weeks ago. He wanted to pretend that nothing had changed. Unfortunately it seemed like everything had changed.

Sirius had another restless night. Every time he closed his eyes it was like he was suddenly back in Grimmald Place. He felt fear consuming his consciousness. He had never been a terribly frightened or paranoid person before. He did not like how the incident seemed to be changing who he was. He did his best to put on a brave face, but something he thought his friends could see right through it.

As Sirius returned to classes Monday morning he sat quite subdued in the back of each class. He quietly scratched his quill randomly over a piece of parchment even though it had long ago run out of ink. As the professors lecture he felt as if their words simply rushed over him in an inaudible drone.

As he glanced around he noticed that he was not the only Marauder who was uncharacteristically subdued. Although Remus generally was as disruptive during class as James, Sirius and Peter could be, he was usually a regular participant in the class itself. As the day passed Sirius noticed that Remus had not raised his hand once to answer a question. He felt a growing sadness as he carefully watched how much what he had done was affecting Remus.

Since Sirius and Remus were both quieter than usual, the Marauders as a whole became quiet as well. James would try to get conversations going but most would quickly die off into awkward silence. The group had never been this quiet in the five years they had known each other. The Marauders all got curious looks from the other students and even some teachers. It was obvious that although they were back together something still wasn't quite right.

Finally at dinner that night Sirius had to break the silence.

"So," he said suddenly. James, Peter and Remus all looked up in surprise. Sirius glanced around at them before letting his gaze fall down to rest on his dinner plate, pushing around his mashed potatoes. "What did you guys tell Madam Pomfrey when you took me to the Hospital Wing the other night?" He was supposed to go see Dumbledore after dinner that night and figured he should probably know exactly what Dumbledore knew about the situation.

James glanced over at Remus. Remus sighed.

"We told her the truth," Remus said simply with a shrug.

Sirius was afraid of that. "The truth…" He was thinking hard about how to word his question. "So pretty much everything then?"

"She asked me a direct question," Remus said a bit moodily. It was obvious he knew what Sirius was trying to get at. "She asked me if you had said how you got those cuts on your arm. What was I supposed to say?"

"You could have just said you didn't know," Sirius said, matching Remus' moody tone.

Remus glared at Sirius. "Sirius, you were _unconscious_," he said with a fierceness that they hardly ever heard from Remus. "We had no idea what was wrong with you. I wasn't about to lie and risk your _life_."

"My life wasn't at risk," Sirius said defensively.

"Well we didn't know that," Remus muttered, going back to his dinner.

James glanced between the two, looking torn.

"Sirius…" James said finally. He waited for Sirius to look up at him. "We didn't know what happened," he continued carefully. "You were fine one minute, then the next you just collapse. It was kind of scary. It was Remus who told Madam Pomfrey where you got those cuts, but if he hadn't I would have."

Sirius was quiet.

"You insist that it's not a big deal," Remus interjected. "Well if it's not a big deal why can't we tell anyone about it?"

Sirius stared at him for a moment, but his eyes seemed unfocused. Then he set his fork down and started gathering up his things.

"I have to go see Dumbledore," Sirius said flatly.

James sighed. "Good luck," he said with enthusiasm, his shoulders falling a bit.

"I don't get why he just doesn't tell," Peter said nervously as they watched Sirius walk from the Great Hall.

"Don't expect me to explain it," James said. "I don't get it either."

"He's proud," Remus said suddenly. Both James and Peter look over at him. "Sirius doesn't like being the victim. He doesn't like to be pitied."

"Yeah well his pride is going to be the death of him," James muttered.

"Don't even joke," Remus said quietly.

The three boys fell silent at that comment, each deep in their own thoughts. It was obvious to them that Sirius hadn't told them everything that had happened while he was suspended. What each of them wondered was how close had they come to actually losing one of their own?

XxXxX

Sirius wanted nothing more to walk right by the Headmaster's office and conveniently forget that he had a meeting. He knew that would be a bad idea though. He needed to get this over with.

He knocked on the Headmaster's door.

"Come in!" He heard Professor Dumbledore call.

"Hello Headmaster," Sirius greeted as he entered the office. He tried to sound as cheery as he could.

"Ah, Mr. Black," Dumbledore said. He was standing next to his desk. He didn't have his usual light smile on his face. "Please come in. Have a seat." He nodded at a chair sitting in front of his desk.

Sirius paused, his instincts telling him to get away, to turn and walk right back out the door. Unfortunately that wasn't really an option. So Sirius forced himself to walk forward and seated himself in the chair in front of Dumbledore's desk. There were a few moments of silence and Sirius fidgeted.

"Madam Pomfrey said you wanted to see me?" Sirius finally prompted.

"Yes," Dumbledore confirmed, staring down at him. He finally moved to sit behind his desk and laced his fingers. "I wanted to ask if there was anything that you wanted to tell me."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "I don't think so," he said innocently.

Dumbledore was quiet again and Sirius shifted uncomfortably. "Madam Pomfrey was very concerned about… your injuries."

"Yeah, it was just a misunderstanding," Sirius tried. He shrugged.

"How so?" Dumbledore asked calmly.

Sirius looked down at his hands. "It was all just an accident," he said.

Silence again. It was the most uncomfortable meeting Sirius had ever had with the Headmaster.

"I can see that you are bothered by something more than that," Dumbledore said finally. "However I cannot force you to tell me anything."

_Why am I here then?_ Sirius thought to himself. "I'm just tired, that's all," he said. "It's been a very trying two weeks."

Dumbledore nodded. "I don't doubt that," he said. "How have things been with your friends since you have returned?"

Sirius smiled to himself. "They've been great," he said.

"I take it they forgave you?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yeah," Sirius said, leaning forward. "Who knows why."

"It is the sign of a truly strong friendship," Dumbledore said.

"Either that or they are a little mental," Sirius said with a dry laugh.

Dumbledore smiled softly. "Often times that doesn't hurt."

Sirius snorted. "I suppose." He paused. "Was there anything else you wanted?"

"The burden of secrets can destroy a person," Dumbledore said. "You have a wonderful spirit. I have observed that it has dimmed. If you do not want to come to me about what is bothering you, I hope you will go to your friends." He studied Sirius. "No one deserves to be treated in a way that makes them feel inferior."

Sirius stared for a moment. Then he took a slow breath. He wanted to get out of that office. He didn't want to think about this right now. He didn't want to think about this at all. He wanted to pretend the last two weeks had never happened. Dumbledore was making it really difficult for him to do that.

"I've got some homework I really need to work on," Sirius hedged. He was actually ahead on his homework for once. He had had a lot of time over the past two weeks.

Dumbledore nodded. "My office is always open, Mr. Black," Dumbledore urged. "If you need someone to lend a listening ear I will always oblige."

"Thanks Headmaster," Sirius said, getting up and heading for the door. "But I'm fine."

As Sirius walked out of the Headmaster's office he found that he almost believed himself. He almost believed that everything was normal. He almost believed that the past two weeks had been just a very bad dream.

He felt a burning sensation on his arm.

_Almost…_


	12. Run

**Author's Note: As always, thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews! Please continue to do so!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Harry Potter.**

_Chapter Twelve: Run_

After his meeting with Dumbledore, Sirius had no desire to return to the Gryffindor Tower. He knew that Remus, James, and Peter would be back there by now, most likely working on homework. He had no homework to work on, so there was really no reason to head back right away. Plus he really wasn't in the mood to listen to James and Remus question him about his meeting with Dumbledore. He knew they would be angry with him when they found out that he had not told the Headmaster the whole story. They just didn't understand. He couldn't tell anyone what had really happened.

Once again Sirius headed for the Entrance Hall for an escape. As he pushed open the front doors he was met by a cool breeze. Outside the sun was quickly setting, covering the grounds in long shadows. Sirius walked to the bottom of the steps and dropped his school bag. He knew it was probably close to curfew and he wasn't really supposed to be out here, but he didn't care. Even though it was cool out he shrugged out of his robes and dropped them on top of his bag. The wind whipped through his light shirt and pants of his school uniform but he hardly noticed.

Sirius had been to visit James every summer holiday over the years for short breaks from his home life. One of their favorite activities was to travel to a local Muggle town and cause mischief. Sirius had always been fascinated by watching Muggles run around the town as a form of exercise. He never really understood it before this moment. Suddenly something just clicked. He wanted to run.

Sirius left his things behind as he took off, running in the direction of the Lake. It was an amazing relief as he quickly fell into a rhythm and his stress started to melt away with the physical activity. He had always been a fan of playing Quidditch as a stress reliever, however since the season had already ended he figured that this was as good a substitute as anything.

As he reached the Lake he realized that he hadn't run nearly far enough. He veered off toward the Quidditch Pitch pouring on the speed as if he could simply run fast enough to escape his own memories. He lost all track of time as he listened to his feet making dull thudding noises on the grass.

He circled the entire Pitch before he started heading back in the direction of the castle. By now it was dark, the only light coming from the windows of the school as well as two torches that had lit themselves on either side on the front doors. Sirius was contemplating doing another lap before he spotted several dark figures around the steps. As he got closer the figures became clearer. There were two, one was sitting on the bottom step next to where Sirius had left his belongings and the other was standing a few steps above leaning up against the stone railing.

He sighed loudly as he realized who was waiting for him.

"What are you doing?" came James' voice from the seated figure. There was a note of confusion in his voice as if he thought Sirius might have finally snapped and lost his mind.

Sirius slowed to a stop, still panting. He took a moment to catch his breath before he responded.

"Fancied going for a run," he said was a shrug.

"Why?" Remus asked from behind James.

Sirius just shrugged again. "How did you even know I was out here?"

"We saw you from the window in the dormitory," James said, jerking his head in the direction of the Gryffindor Tower.

"So you decided to come get me?" Sirius asked.

"It just seemed odd," James said slowly, looking up at him.

Sirius didn't know how he could explain it to his friends' satisfaction so he just shrugged again as he went to gather up his things. He would be the first to admit that it was extremely odd. Probably even more odd than James and Remus really realized.

"How did your meeting go?" Remus asked carefully.

"It was fine," Sirius said shortly as he pulled his robes back on over his uniform.

"I take it you didn't tell him," Remus said flatly.

"I told him everything that was worth telling," Sirius said, not meeting Remus' eyes. Remus scoffed and Sirius glared in his direction. "What do you want me to do?"

"How about just tell the truth?" Remus said as if it were obvious. And Sirius had to admit that it was in fact very obvious. It didn't mean that he liked having it pointed out to him.

"It's not going to do any good," Sirius insisted. "What can Dumbledore really do? Go to my mummy and daddy and tell him to stop hating me? That'll just make them even angrier."

"There has to be something else he can do," Remus said. "But you'll never know if you don't tell him what happened."

There were several long moments of silence.

"Sirius?" James said slowly. Sirius shifted his focus to look down at him as he was still sitting on the bottom step. "We know what your dad did… Did your mum do something to you too?"

Sirius just stared for a minute as he recalled the flash of red that had originated from his own mother's wand. "Why do you say that?" he finally asked carefully.

"You just mentioned your mum _and_ your dad," James pointed out. "And there was something in how you said it…" He let his thought trail off as he looked up at Sirius. Sirius shifted uncomfortably under James' gaze.

"You also mentioned your mum before you mentioned your dad," Remus realized.

"Yeah well she's not overly fond of me either," Sirius pointed out truthfully as he looked down at the ground to avoid looking at either of his friends.

James shook his head. "It was like you were talking about your mum and your dad was just an afterthought," he said.

Sirius hadn't even noticed that it had come out that way. He felt trapped. He looked back and forth between Remus and James who were both looking at him with concern. He snatched up his bag and started walking up the steps but Remus grabbed him.

"Sirius, what happened?" he asked. He didn't sound angry, simply concerned, but Sirius still shrank away from his grip.

"Don't touch me!" Sirius suddenly spat, pulling away from Remus. In the process he overlooked the fact that he was standing on a relatively thin stone step and stumbled backwards. He lost his balance and fell flat on his back in the grass at the bottom of the steps with a thud. He hadn't fallen far, he had only been three steps up, but as he hit he felt his body tense as if about to be attacked.

"Sirius?"

Sirius blinked. Both James and Remus were crouched over him, looking worried. Sirius had to consciously decide to unclench him muscles and remind himself that no one was about to curse him. He found that he wasn't sure which of his friends had spoken his name.

"Hey, you okay?" James asked. "Can you hear us?"

"Yeah," Sirius muttered. He took a breath and slowly sat up as James and Remus sat back to give him room.

"I didn't mean to spook you," Remus apologized slowly.

"I just tripped," Sirius mumbled.

"You were in shock or something," James said. "You wouldn't respond to us for a minute."

"What's wrong with me?" Sirius said quietly to himself. He sighed heavily. "I just want everything to go back to normal."

"Things aren't going to go back to normal," Remus said. "Things have changed. But that doesn't have to drag us down."

There were several long moments of silence. Sirius knew what he had to do. He couldn't continue to keep this secret because it was changing who he was. But that didn't mean he had to come clean right at this very moment. Just the thought was overwhelming.

"I… I just can't talk about it right now," Sirius finally said. He hated the way his voice shook slightly. He spoke carefully, trying to sound as steady as he could. "I can't even really wrap my head around it. I'm sorry."

"Okay," James said, though he sounded a bit reluctant. "But when you are ready we will be here to listen."

Sirius just nodded.

"Well, we should head in," Remus said. "We're all going to catch our deaths out here."

"Not to mention the prefect is uncomfortable with being out here after dark," James pointed out with a grin. "We are breaking the rules, you know."

James and Remus stood up and then both reached back down to pull Sirius to his feet.

"Yes, well I'm pretty sure Dumbledore only made me prefect in an attempt to keep the two of you in line," Remus laughed as they started up the staircase.

"Lot of good that did," Sirius said sarcastically with a mischievous grin. "All he did was give us a spy. It's nice having a man on the inside."

The three of them all laughed as they reentered the warmth of the school. Sirius hadn't realized how cold it had been outside until just that moment. He felt a lot better being inside the school, he felt safe. However he couldn't deny that the summer holidays were a lot closer than he wanted to admit, looming just over the horizon. Could he really return to Number Twelve Grimmald Place after what happened?


	13. The Confrontation

**Author's Note: Thank you to those who have reviewed! It really gives me motivation to keep updating! :) Please take a moment and let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to **_**Harry Potter**_**… I hope you realize that by now…**

_Chapter Thirteen: The Confrontation_

It was a very long night for Sirius. He tossed and turned his mind too full of worry to really rest. He kept going over scenarios in his head of how he could tell his friends what had happened to him. The action had been so simple… his mother had cursed him. After he had been hit he had lost all concept of time, but he figured it couldn't have been more than a few minutes before the curse was lifted. That was all that really happened… well that was the part his friends didn't really know about anyway since what his father had done was so obviously written on his skin. But somehow it just seemed so much more complicated than that.

The morning came far too quickly and Sirius lay in bed with his curtains drawn, listening to Peter, James and Remus get up and get ready for classes. He knew he had to get up and get ready as well, but his body felt heavy and his mind felt fogged. He had no desire to move from his bed.

"Sirius?"

He heard James' voice come from just the other side of the curtain. He sighed. He knew he had to get up. He had to act normal, as if nothing was wrong. He heaved himself up and swept the curtain aside, finding James standing next to his bed, looking concerned.

"'Morning," Sirius mumbled as he slid out of bed and headed for the bathroom. As he got ready for classes he felt the world weighing down on him. Finally there was a knock on the bathroom door.

"You okay in there?" came James' voice. Sirius felt annoyed. He didn't need to be checked on like a child. There were a few minutes of silence, as Sirius didn't even bother to answer. "We're going to miss breakfast."

Sirius sighed, realizing he had been in the bathroom for an unusually long time. He dragged his feet as he walked out, fully dressed. The other three Marauders looked at him strangely and he did his best to pretend that he didn't notice as he made his way out of the dormitory, hearing the others fall in step behind him.

Down in the Great Hall it was clear that they were running late. Sirius felt grateful. After the events from last night he was afraid that his friends might ask him more question about what had happened during his suspensions, questions he really didn't want to answer. The Marauders barely had any time to talk at all as they shoveled down their breakfasts before they had to hurry down to the dungeons for Potions class.

"Hurry up lads," came Professor Slughorn's voice. He was standing in the doorway of the Potions class getting ready to shut the door in order to start class. James, Remus, Peter and Sirius hurried passed him, ducking into the classroom just before he shut the door. "Right now, settle down class."

Slughorn made his way to the front of the classroom and began to write down ingredients on the chalkboard. The Marauders gathered at their usual tables in the very back of the classroom, getting themselves situated. Sirius ended up sitting between Remus and James with Peter sitting on the other end next to James.

Sirius placed his elbow on the table and rested his head against his hand as he absent-mindedly flipped through his textbook, not very interested in a Potions lesson.

"Mr. Black?"

Sirius was startled out of his haze when he realized that Slughorn was addressing him. He sat up and gave the professor a blank look.

"Sorry, Professor?" he asked.

"I was asking if you could take a guess to what kind of potion these ingredients might make?" Slughorn repeated, indicating the blackboard.

Sirius stared at the list of ingredients, but couldn't focus enough to even really read what they were. Sirius was always very bright and he had always been pretty good at Potions, but today his mind certainly wasn't on anything related to academics.

"Not a clue, Professor Slughorn," he finally answered.

Slughorn raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised. "Mr. Potter, can you help your friend?" he asked.

"Looks like a simple sleeping solution to me, sir," James answered.

Sirius focused, realizing that the answer had been quite obvious. A few Slythrins were turning in their seats to smirk at him, taking pleasure in Sirius looking quite foolish. Sirius slumped down in his seat and rested his head against his hand again. However one particular Slythrin caught his eye. Severus Snape looked quite haughty as he looked over his shoulder from his seat at the front of the classroom. Sirius' eyes narrowed as he felt his blood boil. Suddenly something dawned on him. This was all Snape's fault. If he had just minded his own business and hadn't been always sulking around him and his friends always trying to figure out what they were up to this mess would have never happened. He would never have been suspended. His mother never would have attacked him like she did.

Some small voice in the back of his mind pointed out that it probably would have happened at some point anyway. Sirius had grown more rebellious as he grew older and bolder about shoving the fact in his parents' faces. It was only a matter of time before he crossed a line and his mother felt the need to retaliate in an attempt to put him in his place. But it was so much easier to have someone to blame, someone that he already hated, someone that he could take out his anger on.

Remus shifted uncomfortably next to him. Sirius glanced over and saw that Remus was looking at Snape before quickly looking back down at his notes. Sirius glared back at Snape even through he had long since turned his back to them. It was Snape who deserved to be punished, not them. All they had done was try to help Remus with his monthly transformations, to make them bearable for their friend. Snape had almost ruined all that.

_But you were the one who told him._

Sirius ignored the logical part of his brain that pointed out the fact. It couldn't be his fault. He hadn't told Snape to go anywhere. He desperately wanted someone other than himself to blame.

Sirius was only vaguely aware of what was going on in the Potions class. Slughorn droned on about some kind of variation on the sleeping solution and Sirius didn't bother taking one note. It was one of the longest classes he could remember having, but finally it came to an end as Professor Slughorn finally dismissed the class.

Usually Sirius was itching to get out of class and the Marauders were usually the first out into the corridors after the professors released them. But Sirius took his time, slowly packing up the few things he had bothered to take out of his bag.

"Sirius?" James said impatiently. The other three were all waiting on him.

"Go on, I'll catch up," Sirius said. He had his eye on Snape, who was always among the last to leave Potions class.

None of his friends moved, but just then Snape finished packing up and started heading for the door at the back of the classroom. Sirius hastily shoved his textbook in his bag and slung it over his shoulder. He hurried to the door and managed to get there just as Snape did, bumped into him as they both tried to pass through the door at the same time.

"Watch where you're going, Black," Snape spat, pushing his way out into the corridor.

"You watch it," Sirius snarled back.

"Tell me, how is it you made it to fifth year Potions without being able to recognize a simple sleeping solution?" Snape drawled. "Seems to me that you ought to still be in with the first years."

This was exactly what Sirius wanted. Provocation. He whipped out his wand and pointed it at Snape.

"I'll show you," he spat.

"Go ahead," Snape said, smirking. "Jinx me. You might just confuse me and I might just accidentally let it slip where your friend disappears to once a month."

Sirius gaze grew fierce. "If you _ever_…" he hissed, letting the threat hang.

"Sirius!" James voice cut through Sirius' rage and someone was yanking him back, pulling his wand arm down. "Come on, he's not worth it."

Snape smiled, making Sirius even angrier. "That's right, run along, Black." He glanced over Sirius' shoulder. "And don't forget your _pet_."

Sirius glanced back quickly and noticed that Remus was hanging back, his eyes cast downward as he gripped the strap of his schoolbag with both hands. That was too much. Sirius strained against James' grip, desperate to make Snape pay.

"How _dare_ you even _look _at him!" Sirius snarled. "He is twice the wizard you will _ever_ be!"

"Sirius!" James said again, forcefully yanking his friend backwards. "Sirius, let's go."

"Face it, Black," Snape snickered as he started off through the dungeons, turning his back to the group with confidence. "You cannot touch me."

Sirius watched Sanpe go. It was only after he turned a corner and disappeared from sight that James cautiously let go of his hold. Sirius shrugged away from James as he loosened his grip, turning and storming off in the opposite direction that Snape had gone.

"Attacking Snape right now is only going to make matters worse," James said, jogging up to fall into step beside Sirius.

Sirius glared, finding that he was too angry to form any coherent thoughts. Things seemed so out of control right now. He wanted to do something to fix things. Unfortunately it seemed like there was nothing he could do. He suddenly stopped and turned, looking at Remus who was following behind them.

"Remus, Snape is a git," he said. "Anything that comes out of his mouth is pure dribble."

"It's okay, Sirius," Remus said quietly.

"No, it's not okay," Sirius countered. "None of this is okay." _And it's my fault that things aren't okay…_

Sirius spun back around and headed out of the dungeons, suddenly feeling closed in. He had to fix this somehow. He just had no idea how.


	14. Secrets

**Author's Note: Thank you to all my reviewers! This chapter actually turned out to be very deep and philosophical. How 'bout that? Haha! Hope you like it! Please review!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Harry Potter.**

_Chapter Fourteen_

_Secrets_

"Remus?" Lily snapped her fingers in front of Remus' face.

Remus gave a start. "What? Sorry Lily," he said tiredly. "Were you saying something?"

Lily sighed. "I've been saying something for the past ten minutes," she said rolling her eyes.

It was late at night and the two had been doing rounds around the corridors. Lily had been trying in vain to start up a conversation with Remus but he had been distant then entire night. She knew that things had been strained between the Marauders for the past few weeks since Sirius had done whatever it was he did. But Sirius had returned and had been accepted back into the group. Lily couldn't understand why things still didn't seem quite right.

Lily looked down at her timepiece. "It's about time to head back anyway," she said. She studied Remus carefully as they turned and headed back for the Gryffindor Tower. "Is there something that you want to talk about, Remus?"

Remus stared down at his shoes for several minutes as they walked along. "I'm just tired, that's all," he said finally.

"I wish you would just tell me what happened," Lily said. "Maybe I could help."

Remus paused. "Do you ever… do you ever feel like if everyone knew who you really were… people would think less of you?"

Lily furrowed her brow, trying to make heads or tails of Remus' statement. "What do you mean?"

"I mean… what if there was something about yourself that you just couldn't control," Remus continued vaguely. "And what if that was the only part of yourself that really mattered to other people? Like nothing you do would really matter because of what they see you as."

"Well it sounds like those other people are very close minded," Lily said. "But I can't say that I don't relate to what that feels like."

Remus looked at her, surprised. "You relate?" he asked incredulously.

"Of course," Lily said easily with a shrug, as if the fact were obvious. "To some people, the only thing that matters about me is my Muggle parents. It doesn't matter that I'm a prefect or at the top of my class. I'm still a Muggle-born."

"Oh," Remus said. Obviously that thought had never occurred to him.

"I can take several guesses as to what you are hinting about," Lily said. "Maybe I'm right… maybe I'm not. But I do believe that I know what kind of person you are, Remus. And I hope you would think well enough of me and what kind of person I am to know that if you do ever choose to tell me your secret it will not change how I see you."

Remus was quiet for a long time, his internal conflict evident in his features. He opened his mouth several times to say something, only to snap it closed again. Lily watched, but made no comment, letting Remus figure things out for himself. There was nothing more she could say anyway. It was up to Remus to decide what he wanted to do.

"Can we sit for a moment?" Remus finally asked quietly.

"Certainly," Lily agreed. They were just approaching a set of stairs and Lily sat down a few steps up. Remus hesitated for a moment before slowly sitting down next to her.

"I hope you don't think too poorly of me for keeping this secret from you, Lily," Remus said finally. He kept shifting around, clearly nervous. Lily just waited patiently, letting him take as much time as he needed. "James and Peter and Sirius all know of course, but I never told them. They figured it out on their own and I simply couldn't deny it to them. They were too clever. They were the only ones who knew… until a few weeks ago…"

"Sirius told someone your secret," Lily said slowly, putting the pieces together.

Remus nodded solemnly. He took a long, shaky breath. "It was a moment of pure stupidity on his part," he went on. "He's admitted that multiple times. I know how sorry he is. He wasn't thinking clearly at the time, he's never really been one to think things through to the end result. But this whole thing has forced me to look at myself in a different way. James, Peter and Sirius are all very accepting of… of my secret. But not everyone is like them. To a lot of people… my secret… makes me a monster."

Lily looked at Remus carefully. "I don't see how anyone could think of you as a monster," she said slowly.

"Trust me, it's completely possible," Remus said sullenly. "And not too much of a leap for those who know… who know what I am."

"And… what are you?" Lily asked slowly.

Remus looked down at his hands folded in front of him. When he finally spoke his voice was no more than a whisper, barely audible. "A werewolf."

Lily did her best to keep her face as calm a possible, not wanting to give away her shock. Luckily Remus wasn't looking at her anyway. Her mind was racing. She knew that this had not been outside of the realm of possibility; Remus did tend to disappear a lot with many vague excuses. Lily had begun noticing it more as she spent more time with Remus since they had both been appointed prefects. But it was still shocking to have it actually confirmed.

Lily took a deep breath and when she spoke her voice was calm and steady. "I do not think you are a monster, Remus. I can't imagine what you are forced to go through every month, but that does not change who you are when you are not transformed. You did not choose this and it doesn't define what kind of person you are."

Remus finally looked up at her and gave a strained smile. "You sound a lot like Sirius and James."

"Well then they certainly know what they are talking about," Lily said smiling back. "There are always going to be people who… well who are just plain stupid. Who will call you a monster and want to bring you down. But you can't let what other people think of you define who you are, Remus. If someone looks hard enough they can always find something to hate about another person. What's important is that you have close friends who understand that it's not your fault and it doesn't affect who you are as a person."

Remus looked at Lily as if he were seeing her for the first time. "Thank you, Lily," he said sincerely.

"Anytime, Remus," she said kindly. "If you don't mind my asking… who is it that Sirius told?"

Remus sighed heavily, looking back down at his hands. "Snape."

Lily nodded knowingly. "Yes, I can see that he might want to use that against you," she said quietly. She refrained from pointing out how much the Marauders had picked on Snape over the years. She knew that wasn't something Remus needed to hear right now.

"Dumbledore forbade him from telling anyone," Remus said. "It still doesn't change the fact that he knows though. It doesn't change how he looks at me now that he knows the truth."

"I know that must be painful for you," Lily said sympathetically. "But not everyone will be like that." She glanced down at her timepiece. "We should really get going, before we get in trouble."

"Yeah," Remus agreed. He stood up and reached a hand back down to help Lily to her feet. She smoothed out her skirt before they turned and started up the staircase, continuing their journey back to the Gryffindor Tower.

"Sirius still seems very torn up about the whole thing," Lily mentioned as they walked. She knew that Sirius could be thickheaded sometimes, but she also knew that he was a fiercely loyal friend. She could see how what he had done would eat away at him.

Remus nodded and was silent for several moments. "Yes, he is still very angry about the whole thing," he said slowly. "But I don't think that's all he's angry about."

"You think he's still angry at his parents?" Lily asked. Remus nodded. "Well I would imagine he would be after what they did to him."

"That's just the thing," Remus said. "He won't even tell us the whole story. We know what his father did to his arm, but it's so obvious that more happened than just that. Whatever it is really has him spooked. It's very strange for him to keep secrets from us."

Lily found this new news to be very troubling. She had just assumed that Sirius' strange behavior was because of whatever he had done before being suspended. It made a lot more sense that he was still reacting to what had happened over his suspension though.

Lily was still deep in thought as they approached the portrait of the Fat Lady. As they clamored into the common room at a glance it seemed to be empty, as expected at this late hour on a school night. But then a figure near the fire caught her eye. She recognized Sirius' still form. He sat on the floor in front of one of the low tables by the fire with his arms folded on top of a few pieces of parchment sitting on top of the table and his head resting on his arms. He was fast asleep.

"James and Peter must not have wanted to wake him," Remus said quietly, looking at Sirius as well. "I don't think he's been getting much sleep since he's been back."

"Why don't you head up to the dormitory," Lily said. "I'll wake him and send him up."

"You're going to try to talk to him," Remus stated.

Lily gave him a wry smile. "Well, it couldn't hurt."

Remus raised his hands in a defeated gesture. "Hey, if you can get him to talk, far be it from me to stop you, because I am out of ideas," he said. "You were able to get me to talk. Maybe you'll have the same luck with Sirius."

"One can only hope," Lily said, studying Sirius' deceptively peaceful figure. Remus walked by her without another comment and headed up the stairs to the dormitory. Lily crept up to where Sirius sat. As she lowered herself to the floor next to an adjacent side of the table she noticed that Sirius had rolled his sleeves up, probably because of the heat that was once coming off the dying fire. The reason she had not immediately realized this was because his top arm was wrapped with a white bandage from his wrist almost up to his elbow. Lily frowned, knowing what lay just beneath that bandage.

Slowly she reached out and gently shook Sirius' shoulder. "Sirius?" she said softly.

If didn't take much to wake him. Sirius' eyes immediately flew open as he jerked, almost violently, and shrank away from her touch as he blinked around, confused. "Huh?" he mumbled.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Lily said apologetically.

Sirius focused on Lily for a moment then gave a sigh of relief as he rubbed his eyes. "It's okay, Lily," he said. He looked around the deserted common room. "How late is it?"

"It's almost midnight," Lily informed him.

"Why are you up so late?" Sirius asked looking at her curiously, still blinking sleep from his eyes.

"I just came from rounds," Lily said.

"Ah," Sirius said with a nod. He started gathering up the parchment scattered over the table. "I should probably be getting to bed."

"Hold on," Lily said, placing a hand lightly on his arm – the one without the bandage – to stop him. "Sirius, are you okay?"

Sirius looked at her blankly. "Yeah," he said slowly, sounding unsure. "I just fell asleep while working on homework. Its not the first time."

"No, I mean…" Lily trailed off, trying to figure out how to phrase her concern. "You just seem off lately."

Sirius shrugged. "It's been a stressful couple weeks."

"Did… did something happen while you were home?" Lily finally asked bluntly.

Sirius gave a start. "Why would you say that?" he said defensively. Lily let her eyes fall to look at the bandage covering his arm. Sirius seemed to just remember that was there and hastily pulled down his sleeve. "Sirius… I ran into James and Remus a few nights ago… when they were coming back from taking you to the Hospital Wing. They told me about… that." She nodded at his arm.

Sirius' features turned dark. "Maybe they should have just posted it on a bulletin board," he spat, suddenly angry.

"They're just worried about you," Lily said sympathetically.

"I don't need anyone to be worried about me," Sirius said.

Lily sighed and sat back. "Sirius, you haven't been acting like yourself," she tried carefully. "You've been skittish. Quiet one minute, angry the next. All your friends want to do is help."

Sirius sighed heavily. "Help… Lily there is no help for me." Lily was shocked to hear the defeated tone in Sirius' voice.

Lily leaned forward and met Sirius' stormy eyes. "Try me, Sirius," she said seriously.

Sirius shrank back slightly, looking like a puppy who had been wacked with a newspaper too many times. "Lily… I just can't," he muttered.

Lily knew better than to push him too much. "Well, if you change your mind… you have a lot of people who would be willing to listen," she said after a pause.

Sirius nodded as he stood up and Lily followed suit. Lily frowned as she looked at him. His shoulders were hunched and his wouldn't meet her gaze. It was then that she realize that whatever had happened to him, it was very serious. She took a step toward him and almost expected him to take a step back, but he stayed where he was. Lily slowly wrapped her arms around Sirius, embracing him like she would embrace a little brother. Sirius tentatively returned the hug. After several seconds he pulled away and turned and hurried up the stairs to the dormitory.

Lily watched him go, feeling a sinking in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't even imagine what his parents had put him through to change him so much. She hoped that Sirius would realize how much her friends cared for him. She hoped that he realized how much his secret was destroying the person that he used to be, before that person was gone forever.


	15. Broken

**Author's Note: As always thanks to all my reviewers and to everyone who has favorited or followed this story. I'm so glad that you guys like it! It definitely gives me motivation to keep up with my updating, so please continue to review!**

_Chapter Fifteen_

_Broken_

Sirius couldn't get up the stairs fast enough. He burst into the dormitory, slamming the door behind him a little louder than he had meant to. He saw that Remus was just crawling into bed while James and Peters' curtains were both drawn already. Sirius quickly dumped his things on his bed before dodging into the bathroom.

He stood in front of the sink, gripping the sides for dear life, hunched over as if he were going to be sick. For a moment the thought he might be. Lily's kindness had triggered a string of very vivid and horrific memories of a time when he really could have used just a little bit of kindness. He could see that flash of red again. He remembered how every nerve in his body had screamed out in agony. He remembered the way he was almost reduced to tears in front of his parents. How he had woken up hours later all alone and had to drag himself up off the floor on the drawing room.

"Sirius?"

Sirius squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to disappear. Suddenly a hand came down on his shoulder and he flinched away from the contact.

"Sirius, are you alright?" came Remus' voice again as his hand dropped away.

Sirius forcibly pushed himself away from the sink, moving to the far side of the bathroom, still not looking at Remus. He felt his carefully built walls beginning to crumble against his will as the memories overwhelmed him. He didn't want anyone to see him like this.

"What's going on?" It was James' voice this time. The commotion must have woken him. Sirius cursed himself. Why couldn't he just disappear? If only he could Apparate he would have in a heartbeat. He wanted to be as far away from everyone as possible. No one should have to see him like this.

Suddenly he realized he was trapped. There was only one way out of this bathroom and James and Remus were blocking it. He felt like he couldn't get enough air and he could feel his muscles tense. He still hadn't even looked at either of his friends. He couldn't bring himself to. He was afraid that if they got a good look at him they would see just how broken he really was right now. Sirius Black wasn't broken or weak. Sirius Black was always defiantly strong. He didn't need his family he could take care of himself.

Sirius turned and hurried out of the bathroom, pushing past James and Remus with his head low. As he went for his bed, he noticed that even Peter was sticking his head out from between the curtains drawn around his bed to see what all the fuss was about.

"Sirius, talk to us," Remus implored. "What happened? Was it something Lily said?"

Suddenly the pieces fell together. Lily had said she was up late because she had just gotten back from rounds. Remus would have been on rounds with her, but he was not there when she had woken him. Remus must have sent her to talk to him.

"What, did you announce it to the whole school?" Sirius suddenly spat.

"No, of course not," Remus said, sounding surprised by Sirius' sudden anger. "Lily's the only one who knows, and that's only because she already knew a lot of the story. She knew about your suspension before we did and she was really worried about you." He paused for a moment, and then continued a bit darkly. "It's not like I told _Snape_ your secret."

Sirius knew that Remus had a point and he certainly deserved that comment. He had no right to be angry at Remus after what he himself had done only a few weeks before. But suddenly it felt like his emotions were wildly out of control and he couldn't seem to change how he was feeling.

"When are you going to get it?" Sirius practically shouted. "I don't need anyone to worry about me. I'm _fine_!"

"You are very far from fine," James interjected, stepping in front of Remus almost protectively. Sirius vaguely wondered if James was trying to protect Remus from him or if it was the other way around.

"How would you know?" Sirius snarled.

There were several moments of silence. He still refused to look at his friends but he could imagine confused looks on their faces.

"Well I suppose you are right," James finally said. "We wouldn't know anything, because you won't tell us what happened."

Sirius almost denied that anything had happened at all but he caught himself. He remembered he had already admitted that something had happened after his run on the grounds. They had cornered him in more ways than one.

"It doesn't matter," Sirius finally said, still sounding fierce. "None of it matters."

James stepped forward and Sirius retreated to the window between his and James' bed. "How can you say that it doesn't matter?" James demanded, a hint of anger in his own voice. "Sirius, whatever happened is tearing away at you. It obviously matters quite a bit."

"You don't understand!" Sirius said, almost desperately.

"Well then make us understand," James said firmly. He approached Sirius and Sirius found that he had no place left to retreat to as James reached out and grabbed his shoulder, turning him to face him. "Sirius, tell us what happened."

Finally after all this time the dam finally broke. Sirius couldn't hold himself together any longer and his willpower to keep his secret collapsed in that instant.

"What do you what me to say?" Sirius demanded furiously, finally looking at James, meeting his friend's concerned hazel eyes with his own stormy gray eyes. Remus and Peter were both standing a few feet behind James, watching the scene carefully. "You want me to tell you about how my own mother _tortured_ me? Do you want me to say that in what was probably only a few short minutes I felt more pain than I have ever felt in my entire life? Do you want to hear all about how she broke me? How I was reduced to tears at fifteen years old in front of my damned _parents_ of all people?" Sirius' tone faded from furious to desperate as he went on and suddenly he was aware that he was shaking.

James' eyes were wide with shock. "Sirius…" he said gently.

But Sirius was barely listening. He reached deep inside to hold on to the anger inside of him. If he let go of that he feared that the only emotion he would be left with would be the overwhelming despair over what had happened, and that was something he didn't want to be consumed by.

"Is that going to make it all better?" Sirius continued, rage in his tone, fighting the desperation. "Is it okay now that I have admitted that it happened? Don't you get it? Do you understand now? No one can change what happened and no one can change that _that_ is all I have to go home to. I'm stuck, I'm trapped and there's no way to get away from it." Suddenly he yanked the sleeve of his shirt up, revealing the bandage on his arm, not even registering the dark red spots beginning to soak through the stark white gauze. "It's in my blood, this is the kind of cruelty that is in my blood and I can't escape it."

"Sirius," James said more firmly. Sirius looked at him and tried to read his features but he couldn't tell what his friend was thinking. "Just stop for a moment. Sit down and just breath for a minute, you look like you're about to collapse."

But Sirius didn't like this idea. Instead he pushed past James. "I don't want to sit down," he growled. He couldn't let the memories and emotions overwhelmed him, he had to keep moving, he had to stay angry.

He headed for the door, not real sure where he was going to go but knowing that he had to get out before he made things any worse than they already were. But before he could reach the door Remus stepped in his way, blocking his exit.

"No," Remus said solidly, looking Sirius squarely in the eye.

"Get out of the way, Remus," Sirius snarled.

"No, Sirius," Remus said steadily. Sirius tried to push past him, but Remus grabbed him by the shoulders. "You can't just run away from this."

"Watch me," Sirius said, desperation leaking into his voice once again. He tried to pull away from Remus, but his friend was too strong. "Remus, let go!" he demanded. He could feel his anger crumbling away and he feared what would be left if that was gone. He struggled harder, but to no avail. "Let me go!"

Suddenly James was beside him. "Sirius, please, don't block us out now," he said, a note of pleading in his voice. "It's not okay that this happened to you. It never will be okay. But you can't just pretend like it didn't happen or else what's to stop it from happening again?"

And that was it. That was the emotion that Sirius had been fighting this entire time. Fear. He was afraid. He was afraid that it would happen again. And his fear is what made him feel weak. Everything seemed to drain out of him, leaving only fear and devastation behind. He slowly sank to the floor, only vaguely aware of Remus and James crouching down with him. Remus' grip loosened but Sirius had no fight left in him.

"Sirius, you are not like them," James said firmly. "You are not like the rest of your family. One mistake does not put you on the same level as your parents."

Sirius looked to Remus for confirmation. Remus was the only one who really had the right to pass judgment on his actions. Remus was the one he had hurt.

"James is right," Remus said, looking at Sirius and willing him to believe him. "It was a mistake and you feel sorry for what happened. That's what really matters Sirius. That in no way makes you anything like someone who tortures children and feels no remorse."

"I'm not a child," Sirius muttered. He could take care of himself.

He felt his arm lifting up and he mechanically turned his head, feeling suddenly detached from the scene. James was holding up his bandaged arm, examining the dark red streaks in the material.

"You're bleeding again," James said quietly, looking at Sirius with concern.

There was a short pause as Sirius slowly considered this new piece of information. "Please," he finally said, his voice sounding very small, much like the child he had just denied being. "Don't make me go to the Hospital Wing." He couldn't handle any more questions tonight, he couldn't handle any more concerned glances, he couldn't handle anyone else seeing how broken he was.

There was silence for a minute and James looked at Remus questioningly.

"Peter," Remus finally said. Peter had been standing back, obviously unsure how to react to the scene before him. "Would you go into my trunk and see if you can find a clean bandage?"

"Sure," Peter squeaked as he hurried away.

"Can you stand?" Remus asked, looking at Sirius a bit unsurely.

Sirius wasn't sure if he gave any indication of a yes or no answer, but suddenly he was on his feet and stumbling toward his bed aided by Remus with James close by. It was a week later, but he felt like the shock of what had actually happened was finally hitting him. It was hitting him hard. He sat down heavily on the edge of the bed, fighting the urge to curl up in a ball under the covers and hide from the world. Remus was carefully unwrapping his bandage and Sirius looked away, not wanting to see his family's motto that would forever be a part of him now, no matter where his life took him.

Sirius stared out the window at the dark grounds of Hogwarts as Remus wrapped his arm with a clean bandage.

"It doesn't look too bad," Remus said finally after he had finished. "Can you flex your fingers?" Sirius obediently flexed his fingers to show that the bandage wasn't cutting off his circulation, his eyes still trained on the window, his mind far away.

"Why don't you get some rest?" James finally spoke up.

Sirius looked up at him with empty eyes and vaguely nodded. He still felt terribly shaken by the whole ordeal and he couldn't imagine how he would ever get to sleep, but the thought of hiding under his covers sounded very appealing right now. He was still fully dressed but he simply didn't have the energy left to change. Instead he turned and pulled himself more fully up onto the bed and lay down, turning so that his back was to his friends. He was already regretting everything he had told them tonight. More than anything he just wished that he could forget.


	16. Discussion

**Author's Note: Whoo, I'm feeling very efficient with all my updating lately! (I have two other in progress stories, I'm crazy like that haha) Thank you reviewers! :)**

_Chapter Sixteen_

_Discussion_

James stood still for several minutes, watching Sirius pretend to sleep even though his muscles were still clearly tensed defensively, as if to ward off an attack. He studied the clean white bandage on Sirius' arm, waiting for the red to start seeping through. If that happened he knew they would have to force Sirius to go to the Hospital Wing. They couldn't just leave him to bleed all night. He breathed a sigh of relief when the bandage remained stark white. Perhaps the wound only opened up when he was worked up.

James glanced back at his vacated bed, having no desire to climb back into it and attempt to sleep. He glanced around at Remus and Peter and saw that they both looked wide awake as well. He knew they couldn't talk in the dormitory with Sirius still awake. He didn't want Sirius to get worked up again. He headed for the door and Remus and Peter both followed him down to the deserted common room. James immediately plopped himself down in an armchair in front of the cold fireplace. Remus pulled out his wand and quickly relit the fire before sitting in the armchair next to him. Peter carefully sat on top of a nearby table.

"Well that was… unexpected," Remus finally said lamely to break the uncomfortable silence.

"He said something about Lily," James said vaguely, studying the fire in front of him. "Wait, no, _you_ said something about Lily. Did she talk to him tonight?" He was still struggling to figure out what had happened to set Sirius off like that tonight.

"She was going to try to talk to him," Remus said. "We had a long talk during rounds tonight. And… well… long story short I told her about my condition."

James turned to Remus and raised his eyebrows. "Really?" he said, sounding only vaguely surprised. With Lily and Remus spending so much time together as prefects James figured it was only a matter of time before the truth came out.

"She's very smart, she knew that I was keeping a secret from her," Remus said. "She made some pretty compelling arguments and I just couldn't justify lying to her."

"How'd she take it?" James asked.

Remus smiled lightly. "Much the same way that you, Sirius and Peter have taken it."

James nodded. "Well, that's Lily for you," he said wistfully. He certainly hadn't expected anything less from her. She was perhaps the kindest person that he knew.

"I told her about what Sirius had done to get suspended too," Remus went on. "Well, she mostly figured it out on her own. But when we got back and found Sirius asleep in the common room she said that she wanted to try to talk to him."

"Yeah, after he fell asleep over his homework Peter and I didn't have the heart to wake him," James said quietly with Peter nodding in agreement.

"He hasn't been sleeping much since he got back," Peter spoke up. "I can hear him tossing and turning even all the way across the room."

James sighed. He knew they were all avoiding talking about what really mattered at the moment. Sirius' outburst had given them several details about what had happened to him while he was away. That certainly wasn't something they could just ignore.

"He said that his mother tortured him," James said darkly. He hadn't had the heart to ask Sirius for anything specific with the state he had been in. He knew that reliving it would only make it worse at that point, and Sirius was clearly had been having a break down already. But James couldn't help but wonder and imagine all the different implications that statement held. "You don't think… you don't think she would have used the Cruciatus Curse on him, do you?"

There were several long moments of silence.

"No, she couldn't have," Peter finally said quietly. "Could she?"

"Well, there's really nothing to stop her if she had wanted to," Remus admitted. "It is plausible." He shrugged.

James leaned forward and put his head in his hands. The thought was horrifying. Who could do that to their own child? They had learned about the Unforgivable Curses back at the beginning of the year in their Defense Against the Dark Arts class, and he had also heard his parents talk about them. He knew that there were people in St. Mungo's who were tortured to the point of insanity with the Cruciatus Curse. It would actually fit in very well with how Sirius had been acting since he had gotten back. But James was desperate for any other explanation.

In the silence that followed they were all aware of the squeak of a door and the padding of footsteps coming down the staircase. James glanced up in time to see Lily stepping into the common room, wrapped in a dressing gown. She looked over the three Marauders, looking concerned.

"Is everything alright?" she asked slowly as she approached the fire.

James sighed. "Don't you ever sleep, Evans?" he mumbled. It had been a very stressful night and he wasn't in the mood to relive it by having to tell Lily what happened.

"Looks like I sleep about as much as you do," Lily pointed out calmly.

"Sorry Lily," James apologized. "It's been a trying night." It actually seemed very natural that Lily had appeared at this moment. More and more lately she had become involved in the affairs of the Marauders. James was actually starting to think of her as part of their group as she continued to appear when each of the Marauders needed her.

"What happened when you woke Sirius earlier tonight?" Remus asked.

"Not much," Lily said, shaking her head slightly. "He was upset that I knew about the injury on his arm. But he didn't say much at all."

"Well he seemed pretty shaken when he came up to the dormitory," Remus said dully. "But he did let his guard down for a minute, even though it seemed like it wasn't intentional. He told us that his mother had tortured him."

"Tortured?" Lily said, sounding shocked, her eyes widening. "What do you mean by tortured?"

James shook his head. "He wasn't really in any condition to go into any detail," he said flatly. "He just left it up to the imagination. Unfortunately the imagination isn't very kind tonight."

Lily was silent for several minutes. Finally she walked forward and perched herself carefully on the arm of the chair that Remus was sitting in. "So what happens now?" she asked quietly.

James shrugged. "What _can_ we do?" he said. "Sirius said so himself, we can't make what happened okay or somehow make it go away."

"We can't just do nothing though," Remus said. "Remember what _you_ said? If we just pretend that it never happened what's to stop it from happening again?"

"I said that for Sirius' benefit, an attempt to calm him down somehow," James said tiredly. "This just seems… so far over our heads. If Sirius won't admit what happened to Dumbledore, then his parents will never see any consequences."

"Who cares?" James looked up sharply at Lily as she spoke. "You're going about this the wrong way. Yes, his parents should be punished for what they did to him. But right now you should be more worried about protecting Sirius rather than punishing his parents. His parents may be far over your head, James, but Sirius isn't."

"Lily has a point," Remus agreed. "Even if his parents never see any consequences we can still try to protect Sirius."

"We have two summer holidays left while we're here at school," James said slowly. "Obviously he'll stay here for Christmas, just like he always does. What if… what if he simply didn't go home during the summer?"

"Where would he go?" Peter asked.

"I could write my parents," James said. "I'm sure they'd let him stay with us. He already ends up at my place for half the summer anyway."

"Do you think he'd go for that?" Remus asked.

"Why wouldn't he?" James asked, taken aback by the comment. "He can't actually want to go back to his parents' house, especially after what they did to him."

"It all comes back to Sirius' pride, James," Remus pointed out. "I think he needs to come to that conclusion on his own. We can drop hints, but he has to come about the idea on his own or else he will just accuse us of treating him like a child." James opened his mouth to protest but Remus cut him off. "You know it's true, James."

James sighed. "I will give him until the end of term to come to that conclusion," he allowed, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. "But I won't stand by and watch him go off with his parents after we get off the Hogwarts Express just to save his pride."

"That sounds reasonable," Lily said, nodding.

James sighed, glancing up at the clock on the wall. It was after one in the morning and they had classes early the next morning. Lily seemed to think the same thing, following his gaze before standing up. "I should probably get some sleep," she said quietly, clearly disturbed by what she had learned that night.

James nodded, standing as well. "We should all try to get some sleep," he agreed. "The morning is going to come far too quickly."

The group was very somber as they parted, heading back up to the dormitories. As the Marauders entered the boys' dormitory Peter headed straight for his bed. James was drawn back to Sirius' bedside. His curtain was still open on one side and he appeared more relaxed than he had when they had left. It seemed that he had finally fallen asleep, the emotional exhaustion from the night had caught up with him. James leaned over to get a look at the bandage, relieved to find it still comfortingly white. It seemed the incident had passed. At least for now.

"We'll get him through this," Remus said quietly, standing behind James and looking over Sirius as well.

James sighed. "We can only get him through this if he lets us," he said dully.

Remus was quiet, obviously not wanting to admit that James was exactly right. They could not force Sirius to do anything that he didn't want to or help him deal with a problem that he wouldn't admit even existed.

As James climbed into bed his head was full of racing thoughts. He could only hope that he could somehow convince his best friend of the past five years to accept some help. He shuddered to think of what would happen if Sirius returned to Number Twelve Grimmald Place during the summer holidays, which were only a few short months away.

James took one last look at Sirius' bed as he reached for his own curtains. _Please don't be too stubborn, Sirius,_ he thought to himself. _Please let us help you._


	17. Dazed

**Author's Note: Thank you reviewers! You are all wonderful. :)**

_Chapter Seventeen_

_Dazed_

Remus did not sleep well at all that night. He kept on going over and over what Sirius had told them and imagining the many different and increasingly horrific implications of the word '_torture_.' For the first time he felt guilty for not trying harder to reach out to Sirius when he had disappeared for two weeks after the incident with Snape. Sure he was angry at Sirius at the time. Sure he tried to tell himself that he had no idea that he had been suspended and therefore probably couldn't have contacted him even if he had wanted to. But he still found himself thinking that there must have been something he could have done to prevent this. Lily had known the whole time that he was at his parents' house after all. Maybe it wouldn't have been as difficult as he thought to have figured out where Sirius was if he had just tried. Was there some way he could have kept this from happening?

_If I hadn't been a werewolf to begin with…_

Remus did his best to shake off this thought. That wasn't a road he really cared to go down right now. That wasn't going to help anything. Remus reminded himself that with Sirius growing more and more rebellious over the years, it was extremely like that this would have happened eventually anyway. Perhaps it was even better that it happened during a two week suspension rather than over the three month summer holidays.

By the time morning came about Remus had only gotten a few short hours of sleep. He felt almost as run down as the day after a transformation. At that thought he reminded himself that his next transformation wasn't all that far off. It was hard to believe that a month had already almost passed.

The dormitory was silent as he slowly dragged himself out of bed and started getting ready for school. This wasn't unusual. Remus was usually the first one up; the other three Marauders were more night owls and hated early mornings. This particular morning everything seemed a little extra quiet though. Peter was silent as he climbed out of bed as Remus finished getting ready, his face still somber from the events that had occurred the night before. Remus finally decided that he better start trying to wake the other two or they were all going to miss breakfast.

"James?" Remus said as he approached James' bed. There was a low moan from the other side of the curtain. Remus pulled the curtain aside and found that James was buried beneath his blankets with his head shoved securely underneath his pillow, his hands thrown up on top of the pillow to keep it in place. "Bad night?" Remus said dully.

James groaned again before pulling the pillow off of his face. His features were drawn and there were bags under his eyes. "I'm sorry, was I supposed to sleep last night after all that?" he mumbled sarcastically.

Remus sighed as he picked up James' glasses from his bedside table and handed them to him. "I didn't sleep much either," he said softly.

"How about we have the Marauders annual ditch day today?" James said as he sat up and put his glasses on.

Remus cocked an eyebrow at him. "We've never had a Marauders ditch day," he said slowly. Sure James and Sirius had ditched out on classes before, but all four of them never had.

James shrugged. "What better day to have the first annual ditch day than today?"

Remus gave a humorless laugh. "You know we can't do that," he said. "We've got McGonagall's class first. She'll come up here and track us down."

James sighed. "Yeah, I know," he said flatly. He brought his knees up and rested his arms lazily on top of them, his posture drooping in defeat. His gaze wandered over to the closed curtains that surrounded Sirius' bed. Remus remembered they had been open when he had gone to bed the night before. "He must have closed them at some point during the night," James said quietly. "I got up a few hours ago and looked in to make sure he still wasn't bleeding from that… from that wound. It looked like he was asleep."

"I think last night took a lot of out him," Remus said. "Perhaps his exhaustion from everything finally caught up with him."

"Think we should wake him?" James asked quietly as he shifted to let his feet hang over the edge of the bed. "Or should we just let him keep sleeping."

As much as Remus thought Sirius needed to get some sleep he knew better than to think it would be that easy. "I don't think he'll sleep long even if we do leave him here," Remus said. "And I don't really think he should be alone right now. Classes might be a good distraction for now."

James nodded in agreement. He heaved himself out of bed and took a step toward Sirius' bed. "Sirius?" he called through the curtain. "Sirius, it's almost time for breakfast."

It was so silent that when James finally reached up and pulled the curtain aside Remus halfway expected the bed to be empty. Sirius was curled up on his side with his back to them, his blankets pulled up under his chin. He seemed like a very small child at that moment. He let out a low groan as light flooded in to his previously dark space and he seemed to tense into an even smaller ball in an attempt to get away from it.

"Sirius?" Remus tried.

They heard Sirius sigh heavily before rolling over and pushing his blankets back. He was still wearing his clothes from yesterday. He didn't so much as glance at Remus or James as he slowly climbed out of bed, grabbed some clean clothes from his trunk, and the trudged to the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind him.

James sighed. "Any idea how to deal with this?" he asked, making a gesture that seemed to encompass the entire world.

Remus shook his head slightly. "Getting him to admit that his mother… well what he told us last night, it was a good step," he said. "I think we need to give him a little space now. We can't push him too much."

"The summer holidays are right around the corner, Remus," James said, a hint of worry in his voice.

Remus shrugged. "I'm just as lost as you are," he pointed out. "I'm just guessing here. But I think if we push him too much he's just going to shut down even more. You are certainly welcome to try though."

James rolled his eyes slightly. "No, I suppose you're right," he said reluctantly. He glanced around the room. "Where'd Wormtail go?"

"I think he's pretty spooked about what happened last night," Remus said. "He already headed down to breakfast."

James simply nodded, not seeming too concerned by this piece of information. They had bigger things to worry about right now.

Sirius finally trudged out of the bathroom and James grabbed his things and went in to get ready. Remus studied Sirius carefully as he tossed his things back in the general direction of his trunk, not seeming to even notice that half his things missed and fell to the floor next to his trunk. He seemed to be in a daze and wasn't quite focusing on anything in particular. He sat down on the floor and pulled on his shoes and Remus watched him struggling with the laces as he tried to tie them. He had seemed off ever since he returned from his suspension, but now it seemed like his mind was somewhere else altogether. It made Remus very nervous.

James walked out of the bathroom as Sirius was struggling to tie his tie around his neck. James shot a confused look at Remus who just shrugged. James dropped his stuff in his trunk before carefully approaching Sirius.

"Hey Padfoot," he said as casually as he could. Sirius' eyes wandered in James' general direction but he didn't quite look at him. "Need some help?"

Sirius stared blankly for several seconds, and then dropped his hands down to his sides. James took this action for consent as he stepped in front of Sirius and began to fix his tie. It was clear that James was trying to catch Sirius' eye, but Sirius was staring intently at a spot on the wall just over James' shoulder. Remus felt even more troubled as he watched all this. All along he had thought for sure that if they could just get Sirius to admit what happened to him things would get better and they'd be able to help him get passed it. But so far it seemed that he was even worse than before. Remus could only hope that the shock of it all would wear off eventually.

After James had finished with his tie, Sirius turned and grabbed his school bag before heading out of the room without a word.

"Yeah, we probably shouldn't push him," James reiterated as he hurried to grab his own things. Obviously he also thought that Sirius was looking especially fragile after the events that had unfolded the night before. Remus nodded as they hurried after Sirius, catching up to him just as he was climbing out the portrait hole.

They headed down to breakfast in silence. It quickly became clear that their timing was not ideal though. As they descended the stairs down into the Entrance Hall a group of Slytherins were just coming out of Great Hall, obviously already finished with breakfast. At almost the same time James and Remus drifted closer to Sirius, protectively. He was in no condition for a confrontation. Sirius didn't even appear to notice the group as they passed. That is until a very familiar voice called out.

"Looking a little ragged there, brother."

Sirius immediately tensed and spun around to look at his brother, Regulus. His stormy eyes blazed with anger, the first sign of real life that he had shown all day.

"Shut it," Sirius growled dangerously, his hand moving toward his pocket where his wand was stored.

"Come on, Padfoot," James tried, jerking his head toward the Great Hall, trying to diffuse the situation before it escalated.

Sirius was still for several seconds glaring daggers at his younger brother, who simply looked back at him coolly, before he started to slowly turn toward the Great Hall.

"Mother and Father send their love," Regulus called sarcastically.

Sirius whirled back around and whipped his wand out of his pocket. Remus moved to try to stop him, Sirius wasn't quite in his right mind and could be very dangerous if he started fighting now, but it wasn't his voice that he heard shout the curse half a moment later.

"Stupify!" James shouted.

Regulus clearly had been expecting retaliation from Sirius, so it threw him off when the curse came from James instead. The curse hit him square in the chest and he went down hard.

"Mr. Potter!" came a very strict and surprised voice from the Great Hall behind them.

James audibly groaned as he turned around. "Professor McGonagall!" James mimicked with the same tone the professor had used. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Twenty points from Gryffindor," Professor McGonagall said from the doorway of the Great Hall. "And detention, Mr. Potter. And it'll be another detention if you are late for my class this morning." She must have noticed that the Marauders hadn't been to breakfast yet and were quickly running out of time.

"In my defense, he bounces well, Professor," James said lightly, gesturing to Regulus who had already been revived by one of his fellow Slytherins as was stumbling to his feet.

"Another word, Potter, and it'll be forty points," Professor McGonagall warned.

James gave Professor McGonagall a salute as he clapped his hand over his mouth. Professor McGonagall gave him a disapproving look, but didn't say anything else. Technically he had followed her instructions, even if he was clearly mocking her. Remus couldn't help but think that this whole situation had finally caused James to snap a bit as well. Normally he would never mock Professor McGonagall. At least not right in front of her.

The group of Slythrins had moved off and Professor McGonagall exited the Great Hall and headed for her classroom. The three Marauders hurried into the Great Hall to see what they could scrounge up for breakfast before they had to run to Transfiguration. It was several minutes before Remus noticed the small smile playing on Sirius' lips.

"That was a good one, Prongs," Sirius said.

James looked at him in surprised for a moment. It was the first thing he had said to them all day. Then James grinned. "Well worth a detention, I think," he said.

Sirius nodded. "He had it coming," he agreed, his smiling growing. "The look on his face was priceless. I just wish I could have got a hit in too."

"You can have a turn next time," James told him with mock seriousness.

Remus smiled at the two of them. It seemed that James' antics had finally broken through to Sirius. It was nice to see him smile and joke after they had watched his whole world shatter the night before. Remus just hoped that somehow they would be able to keep it this way.


	18. Transformation

**Author's Note: Sorry for the delay guys! I usually like to get out a chapter a week, but I hit a bit of a block trying to get from point A to point B in this story. I know where I'm going, just still trying to figure out how to get there. I'm liking how this is unfolding though. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, each and every review makes me smile and makes me want to work harder to keep up with this story. Please continue reviewing! :)**

_Chapter Eighteen_

_Transformation_

Over the course of the next week James watched Sirius carefully. James could clearly see that Sirius' defense mechanism to deal with what had happened was to desperately try to pretend that everything was normal and nothing had changed. The rest of the Marauders allowed Sirius this fantasy, as none of them had the heart to bring up what had happened with his parents again. Also, a bit selfishly, they all found it easier to deal with the slightly arrogant, prankster Sirius rather than the devastated shell of a person he had depicted in the hours after admitting what happened. None of the fifteen-year-old, happy-go-lucky pranksters of Hogwarts really knew how to deal with such a depression.

However as the days passed James would check the calendar and he began to feel more and more nervous. Final exams were in just a few weeks and after that the students would be heading home for the summer. Four long months. Usually James would be looking forward to the holidays. It was a time to relax and not worry about classes or homework or exams. He would sleep in everyday and play pranks on the neighbors. He would visit his friends and they would visit him and they could get into all kinds of mischief outside of the school walls.

This year he did not feel the same excited anticipation he usually did though. He felt dread as each day passed. How long could they continue to go along with Sirius' charade that nothing was wrong? Eventually their time at school would run out and where would Sirius go? Back to his parents? James was determined not to let that happen. But how could he convince Sirius to leave when his best friend wouldn't even admit there was really a problem? It was a thought that kept him up late a lot of nights. And by the sound of the tossing and turning coming from the other beds in the dormitory at night James could tell that he wasn't the only one being disturbed by similar thoughts.

To anyone who didn't look at him too closely, Sirius seemed to have returned to normal. He had thrown himself back into pranking Slytherins – with the one notable exception of consciously leaving Snape alone – and making smart comments from the back of his classes. But his once carefree grin didn't quite reach his stormy eyes. It made him look a bit wilder than usual. Just slightly more unhinged if you really looked hard enough.

It was hard to believe that only a month had passed since the night where all this began. With everything that had happened since it seemed like so much more time had gone by.

It was time for another one of Remus' transformations. Suddenly this seemed like a touchy subject between the Marauders. Remus being a werewolf had been a very normal part of all their lives since they had learned his secret at the end of their first year. They kept the secret, but when it was just the four of them the subject had never been taboo. Until now.

James knew that they had to go with Remus for his transformation. They were all worried about Sirius, but they couldn't forget that Remus had been greatly affected by the events just one month ago as well. Remus' greatest fear was being looked at and treated like a monster. The three other Marauders had all been exceptionally accepting of Remus' condition, even more so than most decent and understanding people would be. But James knew that having even one person treat him like he wasn't human, especially at this school that had accepted him in when others would not, was hurting him more than he would admit right now. And when Remus' emotions ran high, the werewolf became more energetic. He would need his friends to help him through this transformation.

The Marauders were all gathered in a secluded corner of the common room, working on homework. Well, Remus and Peter were working on homework. James was doodling absently while Sirius was staring blankly out the window, his mind obviously very far away. As James glanced up at him he couldn't tell if he were thinking very hard about something or trying very hard to think of nothing at all.

Remus sighed, glancing at the clock up on the wall. He began to gather his things together. "I had better get going," he said quietly.

"We'll see you later, Moony," James said with a smile, just like he always did. Usually Sirius would have joined in, but he hadn't appeared to have heard them.

Remus paused, looking unsurely between Sirius and James. He leaned in. "You know, you guys don't have to come this time," he said quietly. "I'll be fine."

James could see why he would be concerned. Sirius' stability was very much in question these days. One minute he could seem perfectly normal and the next he could be angry and then another second would pass and he'd be quiet and introverted. It was getting harder and harder to predict what might set him off and in which direction. But James figured that all they could do for the moment was try and keep things as normal as possible. That's when Sirius seemed to function the best, when everyone else was acting normally around him.

"Are you kidding?" James asked. "It's the highlight of our month. Why would we skip it?"

James meant for the question to be rhetorical, but Remus answered anyway. "Do you think he's up for it?" Remus asked, his eyes darting toward Sirius. He said it even quieter even though Sirius didn't look like he was paying any attention to either of them, though Peter was watching the two of them intently.

"He wants normalcy," James said quietly with a shrug. "It'll probably do him some good to run around anyway. It could get out some pent up energy."

Remus paused, conflicted. "Just… keep an eye on him," he said nervously.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure he comes back with all his limbs attached," James said lightly with a reassuring smile. "Now get going, you don't want to be late or Madam Pomfrey will have puppies."

Remus just nodded as he finished gathering up his things and hurried away. Another twenty minutes had passed before Sirius turned, looking around curiously.

"Where did Moony go?" he asked.

"He went to get ready for his time of the month," James said easily, glancing up at Sirius. "He said goodbye, didn't you hear him?"

Sirius shook his head. "I guess I was distracted." His head started to turn back toward the window, but then it seemed to hit him what 'Remus' time of the month' meant and he turned back to James, sitting up in his chair with a small spark of life in his eyes. "Are we going soon?"

James looked out the window and smiled. "Calm down, Padfoot," he said lightly. "The sun is only now starting to set. We probably have another hour before it gets dark. You know how Moony likes to get there early."

Sirius sighed impatiently as he sat back in his chair. James couldn't help but smile. He liked seeing Sirius act so normal, even though the logical part of his mind insisted that if Sirius continued to pretend like nothing bad had happened things would not turn out well. Sirius' apathy could turn out to be very dangerous. But for now James just contented himself with entertaining his friend, reminding himself that they still had weeks to deal with Sirius' denial. Anyway, they had another Marauder to take care of tonight.

As the next hour passed Sirius became more fidgety. James felt himself becoming fidgety as well, anxious to get back to some sense of normalcy after everything that's happened.

"Come on," James finally said, a hint of excitement in his voice as he look out the window at the darkening lawns in front of the school. "Let's get going."

Sirius had his things packed up in an instant and was hurrying up the stairs to deposit them in the dormitory. James laughed lightly as he and Peter moved to follow him.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Prongs?" Peter asked quietly, glancing at him unsurely.

"Don't worry, Wormtail," James said. "It'll be just like any other full moon, just a bit of fun. We could all use a bit of fun."

Peter didn't seem to be comforted by this, but there wasn't any time to dwell on it as they entered the dormitory. They quickly deposited their school books and hurried to catch up with Sirius. The three Marauders slipped out of the common room as discreetly as possible, knowing that the late hour made it odd for any students to be leaving the Tower. Luckily the Marauders already had a reputation for breaking the rules to pull their pranks, therefore if anyone did notice them leaving it wouldn't seem disturbingly out of the ordinary.

They took a very familiar path down through the school and exited through a discreet side door.

"You're going to be okay, right Padfoot?" James asked as they set off across the lawn, looking at his friend carefully.

Sirius looked at him and cocked an eyebrow. "Yeah, of course," he said slowly, confused. "Why?"

"Well your concentration hasn't been the best lately," James pointed out. "I don't want you to get halfway through your transformation and get stuck, half dog and half person."

Sirius snorted. "I'm fine, Prongs," he said, a bit snippy.

"Okay," James said, allowing himself to sound just a bit doubtful. This was part of his plan. Now that he had voiced his concern, he knew that Sirius would try even harder to focus, just to prove that he could. Sirius was stubborn that way but James was using that to his advantage. He didn't want to take any chances of anything going wrong tonight.

Peter went first, swiftly changing from a boy to a rat, scuttling along in the grass toward the Whomping Willow. James hung back a bit as Sirius trotted after him, swiftly transforming into a large, black dog without any difficulty. James let out a sigh of relief as he went to follow his friends, feeling his own changes ripple through his body as the familiar sensations of changing from a boy to a stag flowed through him.

Suddenly he was walking tall on four legs, jogging easily toward the Whomping Willow. He quickly caught up with Padfoot and neither of them hesitated as they approached the tree, knowing that by the time they made it there it would be frozen as Wormtail perched on the knot at its base. Sure enough as they came within swinging distance of the violent tree the branches remained immobile and they brushed right passed them. Padfoot dodged down the tunnel first while James carefully stepped down after him, weary from one too many times of hitting his antlers hard on the low ceiling.

The tunnel was dark but by now they were all used to that. Padfoot led the way with Prongs picking his way behind him, listening to his footsteps. Wormtail scurried down by their feet, knowing that neither Padfoot nor Prongs could see him well and skillfully avoiding the falling paws and hooves. This was all routine to them by now and it was nice that everything could feel normal again.

As they reached the end of the tunnel they all paused, listening carefully for noises coming from the shack above them. They learned the hard way that it wasn't a good idea to be surprised by a werewolf. There were some vague scrapping noises, but none loud enough to be coming from right above them. Moony must be up on the second floor as usual. That was where Remus had started going to transform, trying to keep the werewolf as far away from the trapdoor as possible. Padfoot glanced back and Prongs bobbed his head in approval. He glanced down and could just make out Wormtail's small shape in the dirt.

Padfoot jumped onto his hind legs, bracing one of his front paws up against the side of the tunnel, grabbing the lever for the trap door in his jaws and pushing it open, quickly climbing through. Prongs didn't hesitate, jumped up into the shack. He spotted Wormtail on the floor before kicking the trapdoor closed again. The whole thing only took about eight seconds. They were getting better at it.

Padfoot was clearly eager as he usually was, which was a relief to James. Normalcy was what they were going for tonight. The large, black dog bounded up the crumbling steps, looking for the werewolf that lurked above. If James could have laughed he would have as he heard the growling grow louder up above him as Padfoot taunted the beast. Padfoot came running back down the stairs, a werewolf in tow, growling furiously and nipping at his heels. Padfoot ran for Prongs, who stepped forward, bending his head and using his strong antlers to push back the werewolf. Moony fell backwards at the jab but then came right back at him. He hadn't been this aggressive since the first couple times they had visited. Padfoot had turned and was on him though, snapping at the werewolf's feet, causing him to step backward.

Eyes glared at the two of them. Angry eyes full of fury and hate. Nothing like the eyes of the kind, studious boy that they had known for five years. _Remus? Remus are you in there?_ James thought to himself. There were some nights where the werewolf would calm and James would think that he could almost see him, almost see his friend reflecting out of the eyes of the beast in front of him. Begging him to understand, begging for forgiveness. _It's okay, Remus. We're here. You're not going to hurt anyone. You're not going to hurt yourself. It's just one night and then you will be free again, my friend. Just one night. _

_One night every month for the rest of your life._

What had Remus ever done to deserve this hell?


	19. Lost

**Author's Note: Thank you reviewers! You're awesome! :)**

_Chapter Nineteen_

_Lost_

Final exams were upon them, forcing the students of Hogwarts to abandon the nice weather on the lawns of the school for the dusky library and crowded common rooms as they frantically studied the things they were supposed to have learned all year. The Marauders were no different. They always avoided the crowds by gathering in a deserted hallway up on the fifth floor with textbooks and parchment scattered around them on the floor. It was the one time to the year that the Marauders could be found quietly studying.

"One subject at a time, remember Wormtail?" James laughed, watching Peter try to read three different textbooks at once.

"I'm never going to remember all this!" Peter declared dismally. "I'm going to fail all my exams this year!"

"It'll be fine, Pete, it always is," Remus pointed out calmly. Peter was the weakest link in the Marauders when it came to academics but they always managed to help him pass his exams. "Put down Charms and Transfiguration for now. We have Potions first. Focus on that."

Peter did what he was told, closing all but his Potions textbook. Sirius was watching the scene that was so familiar to him. It was just like any other year. But this year he just felt so detached from it all. He always did very well on his exams but this year he just couldn't bring himself to focus on them. He wouldn't be surprised if he finally got some low marks this year. He found it very hard to care much about that right now though.

He was doodling in the margins his Charms textbook. Charms had always been his best subject; he never needed to study much for it. It had always been something that just clicked for him. So he wasn't quite sure why he had that particular textbook open now. He sighed quietly to himself. He hated that he still felt off even after weeks had passed since the incident with his parents. He was thankful that ever since his outburst and breakdown in the dormitory, the subject of his home life had appeared off limits to the rest of the Marauders. He was glad they weren't pressing for more information.

"Sirius?" James said loudly, with an air of having repeated himself several times, waving a hand to get his attention.

"Huh?" Sirius said, looking up from his textbook where his doodles had drifted to overlap the text.

"Do you have any notes on that potion we did last week?" he asked. "I spilled mine all over my notes and can't read them anymore."

Sirius sifted through some of the parchment in front of him, not seeing any Potions notes at all. "Uh, I don't think so," he said. "Which potion did we do last week?"

"It was a poison antidote," James said, looking at Sirius strangely.

"Oh, right," Sirius said vaguely. He sifted through some more parchment but still didn't see anything resembling notes on any kind of potion. "Sorry, mate. Moony probably has them."

"He asked me first, I told him I left them up in the dormitory," Remus said.

"Oh… right…" Sirius said as if he actually remembered hearing that. He sighed and rested his chin in one hand as he stared back down at his Charms textbook.

"Are you alright, Padfoot?" James asked.

"Just tired," Sirius said, rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

"Have you been having trouble sleeping?" Remus asked carefully.

_Yes. _

"No," he said out loud. He abruptly stood, not liking the direction the conversation was going. They were getting dangerously close to the one subject he desperately wanted to avoid. "I'm going to run back up to the dormitory and see if I can find those notes."

"Do you want company?" James asked, starting to get up.

"No, I'll be right back," Sirius insisted as he started off. He heard his friends speaking in low voices as he rounded the corner, but he paid no attention. He didn't want to hear what they were saying about him.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but after walking for a while suddenly Sirius stopped and looked around, slowly realizing that he was far from the Gryffindor Tower. He looked down an adjacent corridor and saw the painting that hid the school's kitchen. He couldn't get much farther away from the Tower if he tried. He let out a frustrated sigh as he ran a hand through his hair. He glanced around, trying to get his bearings. This was getting ridiculous. He knew this castle from top to bottom, he knew it better than his own house. How could he have gotten so turned around?

He turned and started heading back in the direction of the Gryffindor Tower. He didn't make it too far though. He didn't even notice the person coming up behind him until it was too late.

"_Petrificus Totalus_!"

His limbs snapped together and he quickly toppled forward, hitting the floor hard with a thud. His mind was reeling from the attack, suddenly remembering a very different attack that he also hadn't seen coming until it was too late. Although he was frozen by the full body bind, inside he was panicking, his heart racing and his mind not able to comprehend what had just happened.

"Hello, Black." It took him several seconds to recognize the voice since he couldn't turn and look at who was speaking and his mind was in too much shock to think very clearly. Snape. "Fancy seeing you here without your friends or your _pet_." The only answer Sirius was able to give was a grunt of anger. "I wonder how long it'll take them to find you down here." Sirius listened to the footsteps approach him. Next thing he knew Snape's foot came down hard on his shoulder. Sirius managed a hiss of pain, wondering if Snape remembered his Quidditch injury from last year where a Bludger had dislocated that same shoulder.

Without another word Snape left him lying there, clearly ecstatic to finally get one up on him. Sirius struggled against his invisible binds, even though he knew it was useless. His mind was racing. How long _would_ it take for someone to find him? All the students were holed up in the library and their common rooms studying for exams. If his friends would just check the Marauders Map they would be able to find him very easily, but how long would it take them to realize that he was missing? He let out a frustrated groan, trying to contain his panic. He didn't like being restrained like this, not after the torture he had been through. Even though logically he knew that his parents were not there, nor would they mysteriously appear at any point, it panicked him to feel so helpless to protect himself. He needed some kind of control to keep his sanity.

Sirius wasn't sure how much time had passed before he finally heard footsteps echoing through the corridors. He desperately wanted to make some kind of indication that he was there, but the curse was still holding strong. He could only lay there and hope that someone would notice him.

"Sirius?" Sirius wanted to cry out in relief to hear someone say his name. "_Finite_!"

Sirius gasped and finally pried his arms apart, immediately pushing himself up off the floor, ignoring the sharp stab of pain that flew through his shoulder at the action. Everything about him was tense as if waiting for another attack.

"Sirius, are you alright?"

Sirius looked up at Lily Evans. He mutely nodded as he continued to gasp for breath as he sat back on his feet. He looked down at his hands, which were trembling. "I'm fine," he finally said quietly.

"What happened?" Lily asked, crouching down next to him. Her eyes got big. "Oh, your nose…" She reached into a pocket and pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to him. Sirius held the cloth up against his throbbing nose, pulling it away to find that it was stained with blood. He hadn't even noticed before, he had been too panicked.

"Snape," Sirius said darkly. He felt his nose gently, relieved that it didn't appear to be broken. "He snuck up on me and cursed me."

"Oh Sirius," she said sympathetically. "Is anything else hurt?"

"He stepped on my bad shoulder before he left," he muttered as he slowly rolled his shoulder back, grimacing slightly. "I don't think he did any real damage though."

"What were you doing down here anyway?" Lily asked curiously.

Sirius was silent for several seconds, his mind a blank. What was he supposed to say, he got lost? It sounded so ridiculous.

"Just went for a walk," he finally said.

Clearly Lily didn't believe him, but she didn't say anything about it. "Can you stand?" she asked instead.

Sirius nodded, finally starting to calm down from the ordeal. He stumbled to his feet on his own accord, not wanting any help. Lily stood with him and silently they started walking toward the Tower. It suddenly hit Sirius that he had been near the kitchens and he could have told Lily that he had just been down for a snack. That would have been much for believable. If only he was thinking a little more clearly.

They were both quiet for several minutes, though Lily kept on glancing over at him, clearly something on her mind.

"Are you getting ready for exams?" she finally asked lamely.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, we've been studying all day." Well, he'd at least been staring at his textbooks all day.

"Summer holiday will be coming up soon," she said slowly.

Sirius did his best to shut down the emotions he had associated with the summer holidays. He had never much cared for the holidays, he had always much rather been at school with his friends, even with all the classes and schoolwork. But this particular holiday seemed even more daunting than ever. He had done his best not to think about it ever since his suspension.

"Sirius? Did you hear me?" Lily asked, shaking his out of his thoughts.

"Yes," Sirius said stiffly. He couldn't think of anything else to say, so he left it at that.

Thankfully they were approaching the Gryffindor Tower. As they entered Sirius was able to quickly duck through the crowds after muttering a quick thank you to Lily for her help. He hoped she didn't take offense to his quick disappearance, but he knew what she wanted to talk about and he desperately wanted to avoid it. He dimly remembered that was exactly what he was doing when he had wandered away from the Marauders.

Up in the dormitory Sirius saw that James, Remus and Peter had all returned. He wondered vaguely how long he had been gone.

"Where were you?" James asked as Sirius shut the door behind him.

"I went for a walk," Sirius said simply with a shrug.

"What about your notes?" James asked.

Sirius looked at him strangely, not sure what he was talking about. "My what?"

"Your Potions notes," Remus spoke up. "You said you were going to go find them. That was an hour ago."

"Oh, right," Sirius said as he went to his bed. He opened his truck and started pushing things aside, looking for something that might resemble his Potions notes.

"You know we're going to have to talk about what happened eventually," James spoke up carefully.

Sirius didn't look at him, staring down at his truck even through he had stopped looking through his things as James had spoke. He took a deep breath.

"Was that blood on your shirt?" Remus asked.

Sirius automatically looked at his shirt sleeve, but it was clean. He sent a questioning look at Remus, who pointed at his chest. Sirius pulled his shirt out and looked down at his, seeing a few small spots on the white fabric. It must have been from his bloody nose.

"It's nothing," Sirius dismissed. He pulled out a clean shirt from his truck and quickly began to change. He tossed the dirty shirt away. As he went to shrug into the new shirt he winced as he had momentarily forgotten about his hurt shoulder.

"Sirius…" James said, looking at him critically.

"Snape snuck up on me," Sirius admitted truthfully. "He used the body bind curse on me, and I face planted. Then he stomped on my shoulder."

"Fat git," James spat.

The conversation quickly turned to Snape and the Slytherins and potential pranks that they could pull in order to get even. Sirius was relieved. He still had two more weeks to put off worrying about what would happen when he left school. More than anything he just didn't want to think about it.


	20. Revenge

**Author's Note: So sorry this chapter took so long! I hit a bit of a snag when I realized that since it's their fifth year the Marauders would be taking their O.W.L. exams. If you would remember Order of the Phoenix, Harry witnesses one of Snape's memories where he is tormented by the Marauders after their O.W.L. exam. I went back and forth over whether or not to include that in this story… I actually started this chapter several times and then kept changing my mind. In the end, turns out this chapter is loosely based on that scene from Order of the Phoenix and I borrowed a few lines directly from the book. Keep in mind, though, that this plot is not going to be completely canon, even though I borrowed the characters and I borrowed the base for this scene, this is still my world that you have entered. ;)**

**Please review and tell me what you think! I'm sorry I don't get to respond to ever review that I get but I do read each and every one of them and they give me great motivation to keep up with this story!**

XxXxX

_Chapter Twenty_

_Revenge_

"Well that wasn't so bad," James commented as the four of them walked out of the Great Hall. They had finally finished the last of their examinations. They were now following the massing students heading for the ground, grateful for a chance to finally get out of the castle. There was an air of excitement that ran throughout the students as the summer holidays were almost upon them.

"No, not bad at all," Remus agreed.

"I don't think I did well on that last exam," Peter mumbled worriedly. "I've never been very good at Transfiguration."

"Wormtail, you're an Animagus," James laughed. "How can you not do well in Transfiguration?"

"You know I struggled with that," Peter muttered moodily.

Remus shook his head and then glanced at Sirius who was hanging a few steps back as they walked through the front doors of the castle. "How did you do, Padfoot?"

Sirius shrugged. "It was okay," he said, noncommittally.

James frowned. It was so out of character for Sirius to not gloat his academic abilities. What he wouldn't give to go back in time and somehow be able to fix this. Classes were over. Examinations were over. There was only a few more days before the Hogwarts Express would take the students back to London. They were running out of time to make things right.

The sun shown brightly as they walked across the lawns, causing students to shrug out of their outer robes and many gathered around the Great Lake. The Marauders gave a wide berth to the rest of the students and went to sit under a tree a little ways away.

"What could you possibly be studying, Moony?" James asked as Remus pulled a textbook out of his bag. "Exams are over!"

"Just checking over some of my answers," Remus said as he began flipping through his Transfiguration textbook.

"Why? You'll have the results in a week," James pointed out.

"Well I'm not as practiced in Transfiguration as you lot," Remus said with a laugh.

"As yes," James said, digging around in his pocket. "You are more adept at Defense Against the Dark Arts, Moony."

Remus snorted a laugh as he began reading through the chapter. James finally found what he was looking for: the Snitch he managed to steal from Madam Hooch earlier in the year.

"Where'd you get that?" Sirius asked.

"Nicked it," James said with a shrug, glad to get any kind of reaction from Sirius. He was restless without Quidditch and it was nice to practice again. He passed the time by letting the Snitch go and catching it again. Wormtail was in awe but as he glanced over Sirius appeared bored, hardly paying attention. Any other time he might have joined in and competed with James to capture the Snitch, even though he was a Beater on the Gryffindor team.

After a few minutes Sirius appeared to get annoyed. "Would you knock it off?" he muttered.

James sighed. "If it bothers you," he consented. He grabbed the Snitch and tucked it back in his pocket. He glanced around the grounds, trying to think of a way to cheer Sirius up. All he wanted was for Sirius to act normally again. He spotted Snape sitting a little ways away by himself and an idea slowly dawned on him. "Here's something to cheer you up," he said quietly.

Sirius looked at him strangely. James nodded over at where Snape sat. Sirius followed his gaze then raised an eyebrow back at James. "What do you mean?" he asked slowly.

Remus had looked up from his textbook and had seen what was going on. "James," he said with a hint of warning in his voice.

"Just a little bit a fun, Moony," James assured him with a mischievous smile. They had pranked plenty of other Slytherins over the past few weeks, but they had avoided Snape out of courtesy. James knew that tracking down a werewolf had not been his intention that night and Sirius certainly had been out of line with his idea for a cruel prank. But now Snape was the one out of line when he had attacked Sirius. He had no right to do that, Sirius had already been punished for what he had done. In fact he had been punished far more than he deserved. James couldn't just let that go.

Just then Snape stood up, still consumed by the parchment he was holding. James stood up and after a moment of watching him carefully, Sirius did as well. As James looked at him he saw a ghost of a spark in his eyes. James smiled bigger.

"Oy! Snivellus!" James called as he passed. Clearly Snape was on guard for an attack. He must have figured something like this would happen after he had attacked Sirius. His wand was instantly out, but he wasn't fast enough. "Expelliarmus!" James cried.

Sirius immediately joined in, flicking his wand and sending Snape flying off his feet before he could scrambled to retrieve to his wand. Snape was cursing furiously and James was aware that they were beginning to draw a crowd. It was time to put on a show. He flicked his wand again and suddenly Snape was hanging upside down in midair. This gained some laughs from the spectators, but what really got to him was the familiar bark of a laugh that came from right next to him. He looked over to see Sirius smiling.

James stepped up closer to Snape. "You can't do this," Snape hissed frantically, struggling in midair.

"Actually it looks like I can," James said easily, smirking.

Snape's eyes wandered over to where Remus sat, his eyes still glued to his textbook despite the demonstration that was going on just a few feet from him. "You wouldn't want me to let _slip_ your _secret_, would you," Snape threatened in a low voice so that only James could hear.

"I dare you," James said slowly in a low and very dangerous voice. "You wouldn't dare go against Dumbledore." Snape glared but didn't have a response to that. "Remus has done _nothing_ to you and you will _not_ hold this over his head." He paused as Snape's eyes shifted to Sirius and James could see his train of thought. "You got your pitiful, cowardly revenge on Sirius, you have no excuse left."

"_Coward_!" Snape spat. "You are the coward!"

"At least when _I_ cursed you, you had your wand out and you were facing me," James spat. Snape glared as he continued to struggle, obviously having no come back to that statement. James casually flicked his wand and Snape tumbled to the ground. "Keep your abnormally large nose out of our business, Snivellus."

James turned and made to walk away when Sirius shouted his warning. "OY!" he shouted, but it was too late. Snape had retrieved his wand and as James whipped back around he felt a burning pain streak across his cheek. He was only vaguely aware of Sirius shouting a curse. When he looked back at Snape he was back down on the ground with large, pussing boils sprouting all over his face. "You alright, Prongs?" Sirius asked, looking at him with concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine," James said, though he wasn't really sure. He carefully placed a hand on his cheek, feeling the gash that had opened up, sending blood streaking down his face.

"Let me see," Remus said. He had approached James and Sirius upon seeing the blood. James lowered his hand to allow Remus to get a good look at the wound. "It's not too bad," he assured him. He pulled out his wand and waved it near James' face. James felt a cooling sensation spread over his cheek. When he reached up again his flesh was healed.

"Thanks, Moony," James said.

"What a slimy git," Sirius spat at Snape who was still writhing on the ground a few feet away.

"Leave him," James growled. He turned and started back up toward the school and Remus, Sirius and Peter fell into step with him.

"Bloody prat," Sirius raged as they walked. "He always waits for his opponents back to be turned. Bloody coward. He knows he can't win a fair fight."

As James looked over at Sirius he couldn't help but smile. This was the Sirius that he knew. He reached over and clapped Sirius on the shoulder. "He got what was coming to him, mate" he said.

Sirius smiled back. It wasn't a strained smile, but a genuine smile that James hadn't seen in a long time. "I got your back, Prongs."

James knew that their deadline was almost up. It was only a few more days before the students would be sent home for the summer. They would have to deal with Sirius' home situation soon. Uncomfortably soon. But for now it was just good to see his best friend smile.


	21. The Plan

**Author's Note: Hey guys, so I wrote this chapter while I was sick and on cold medicine, so I hope it's not too bad! But I didn't want to keep you guys waiting too long after the last long wait for an update. And I know there were a few complaints (or at least one) about how short the last chapter was, so I made an effort to make this one longer. Thank you so much to all my reviewers, you are the reasons I keep updating! :)**

_Chapter Twenty-One_

_The Plan_

The end of the year feast was a time for celebration among the students and staff of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The Great Hall was decorated in blue and bronze to honor Ravenclaw for winning the House Cup for the third year in a row. The students were all chatting merrily as they filled their stomachs to the bursting point, discussing plans for their summer holidays and looking forward to a break from classes and homework.

Every year the Marauders had been the most enthusiastic when it came to the end of the year celebrations, usually pulling some sort of grand final prank of the year during the end-of-term feast that would earn them several detentions to start off the beginning of the next year. Every year up until this year that is. This year students and teachers alike kept glancing curiously at the end of the Gryffindor table where the uncharacteristically subdued Marauders sat. Their heads were hung as the four quietly picked at their food, not so much as glancing at each other, each lost in his own thoughts. It was a very strange sight indeed.

As dessert appeared on the table Sirius noisily let his fork fall to the table. "I'm full," he mumbled as he stood up, not looking at any of his friends. "I'm going to go finish packing." He turned and headed out of the Great Hall.

James sighed as he watched him go. He turned back to look at Remus. "The train leaves tomorrow morning, Moony," he said.

"Yeah, I know that," Remus said, shooting James an annoyed look.

"What's going to happen?" Peter asked timidly, glancing at the two of them. "Is he going to go back to his parents tomorrow?"

"No," James said immediately. His tone was firm, but as he continued he sounded more unsure as his gaze fell down to study his plate. "No, he can't…"

"He seems to think he's going to," Remus pointed out, earning him a glare from James. Remus gave him an incredulous look and James sighed, putting his fork down.

"I'm not very hungry," he mumbled. He ran a hand through his hair. "Well, we're out of time. We have to talk to him about this."

"He's not going to want to," Remus said.

"Well what are we supposed to do, just let him go back there after what they did to him?" James demanded.

"Hey, I don't like it any better than you do," Remus shot back. "I'm just trying to be realistic."

James snorted, but he couldn't argue. He knew that Remus was right. "I'm not hungry," he repeated. "I think I'll just go up and try to talk to him."

"Do you want us to come too?" Peter asked.

James paused, thinking for a minute. "Why don't you guys wait a little bit before coming up," he said. "Maybe he'll be more receptive if he doesn't feel ambushed."

Peter and Remus nodded in agreement.

"Good luck," Remus said as James stood up.

James nodded, looking down at Remus without humor in his eyes. "Thanks," he said flatly with a heavy sigh. "I'm going to need it."

James trudged through the deserted corridors of the school, all the occupants currently in the Great Hall enjoying the feast. James felt a little annoyed for not being able to enjoy it with the rest of the school. It was always such a good time, the end of the year feast. None of this was fair. None of them should have to deal with this.

Up in the Gryffindor Tower James quickly crossed the vacant common room. It was a little eerie feeling like the entire castle was suddenly empty. As he walked up the staircase to the dormitory it was so quiet that James wondered if Sirius had come back here at all. Perhaps he had wandered off again. But as he pushed open the door he quickly spotted his friend sitting on the window ledge between his and James' bed. He didn't appear to notice James' entrance as he was staring out the window at the darkened lawns of the school. The trunk at the foot of his bed was still open and his things were still scattered around the room. Clearly he had no interest in packing.

"Padfoot?" James said carefully. Sirius jumped, obviously not expecting anyone to come back yet.

"Hey, Prongs," he said, glancing at him.

"Are you alright?" James asked as he approached.

Sirius shrugged. "Sure," he said without any enthusiasm. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I thought you said you were going to pack," James pointed out, motioning to the half empty trunk at the end of the bed.

"I still have time," Sirius said shortly.

James sighed as he sat on the edge of his bed. "You know that summer holidays start tomorrow," he said slowly.

"I am well aware, Prong," Sirius said, a hint of exasperation in his voice.

"Well… what are you going to do?" James asked.

Sirius shot him a truly confused look. "What do you mean?" he asked. "Just like the rest of the school I will be boarding the train in the morning and going back to London. I don't have much of a choice about that."

"Yes, and then what?" James prompted.

"Well and then I will be going home," Sirius said, just a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"Is that such a good idea though?" James asked.

Sirius cocked an eyebrow. "What do you propose, Prongs?" he asked. "It's not like I have anywhere else to go."

"You could come to my house," James said bluntly.

"I'm sure I'll come visit just like every other summer," Sirius said.

"No, that's not what I mean," James said. "What if you just didn't go home this summer? I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind if you just stayed with us instead."

Sirius just looked at him for several long minutes. "Not that I don't appreciate the offer Prongs… but why?"

It was James' turn to stare. "Sirius, you can't honestly _want_ to go back home."

"I haven't _wanted_ to go back home since my first year at Hogwarts," Sirius said. "That certainly hasn't changed."

James sighed. He had always known this. He could remember the night before they had returned home for the summer that first year. Sirius had been bouncing around the dormitory with his endless energy, not interest at all in packing like the others. At first it hadn't seemed like anything out of the ordinary. Eventually Sirius had admitted that he was putting off packing because he wasn't looking forward to going home after the Howler he had received the day after he had been sorted into Gryffindor. Over the years James had learned a bit about what Sirius' home life had been like. He knew about Sirius' parents and how they didn't get along because of their differing beliefs about Pureblooded witches and wizards. Never once did Sirius voluntarily return home for the Christmas holidays. But James was suddenly painfully aware that he had had no idea just how bad Sirius home life had been over the years. He wouldn't be surprised if something like this had happened before and Sirius had just not said anything.

"Well you have another option," James said. "You are always welcome at my house, my parents have always said that."

"Your parents are great, Prongs," Sirius said with a light smile as he thought of them. It had always been clear when he visited that Sirius had been fond of James' parents. "But a week here and there over the summer is a little different than three whole months."

"You know they won't care," James said. "Especially if we explain to them the situation."

"And what situation is that?" Sirius asked, a hint of anger in his voice, his eyes darkening.

James sighed. He didn't understand why this was so difficult. "Your arm, Sirius," he said. "I know you've been very careful to keep it covered the past few weeks, but I'm sure that scar is still there. And I know that wasn't even the worst of what happened. That's not right. Your parents can't treat you like that."

"No one can know, James," Sirius said a bit fiercely, shoving himself off of the window sill and stalking past James. "Do you know what my parents would do to me if they found out that I told anyone about that?"

"Okay fine," James allowed reluctantly. He knew he had to deal with one problem at a time and getting Sirius to agree to not go back home was more pressing than getting him to talk about what happened. "We don't have to tell them exactly what happened. We can bend the truth but still get them to understand that you can't go home."

"My parents aren't just going to let me walk away," Sirius said, his voice growing quiet. "They feel like they own me. I am their property."

"Let's not give them a choice then," James said. He hadn't been planning on asking for the Blacks' permission anyway. "The platform is crowded enough, you could just leave with me and my parents and your parents won't even know until you are already gone."

Sirius was silent for several minutes, deep in thought. Then he slowly started moving around the room, gathering his things and tossing them thoughtlessly into his trunk. James was anxious, but didn't dare speak, leaving Sirius to his thoughts. He had done everything he could. He didn't know what more he could do to convince Sirius to leave his parents. He had hoped that Sirius would be eager for any ideas that would keep him away from his house. He couldn't quite understand his hesitation. Here James was handing him the answer to his problem and he wasn't jumping for joy.

"Just promise me that you'll think about it tonight," James finally said, unable to take the silence any longer.

Sirius looked at him, his eyes unreadable. "I'll think about it," he agreed.

James sighed. "I don't want you going back there," he said, his voice quiet. "I don't want to see you hurt like that again."

"It was a mistake," Sirius said almost automatically. "I won't let that happen again."

James looked at Sirius, hardly believing what he was hearing. "Sirius, it shouldn't be about you letting or not letting it happen. You shouldn't have to protect yourself like that in your own home, from your own parents. It's not right and it's certainly not fair."

Sirius shrugged. "It's my life, James," he said. "It's something that I've always dealt with."

James was silent for a moment. "How many times have they hurt you?" he asked quietly, trying to meet Sirius' eyes as Sirius did his best to avoid him. Sirius turned back to his trunk, seemingly going to ignore the question, but James wasn't about to let him off that easily. He stood and approached Sirius, grabbing him by the shoulders and forcing him to look at him. "How long has this been going on, Sirius?" he asked seriously. "Since first year when you were sorted into Gryffindor? Before that even?"

Sirius gave him his famous defiant stare down. "I can take care of myself," he said harshly as he shoved James away, breaking his grip as he turned and went back to packing. But that had pretty much confirmed James' suspicions that this was not the first time it had happened. He couldn't understand how Sirius had kept this such a secret for so long. And he couldn't understand why he seemed to determined to continue to keep it a secret.

Only a few minutes later Remus and Peter returned to the dormitory and James knew that the conversation was over. There wasn't much else he could say anyway. The four boys finished up their packing and got ready for bed, their last night in the dormitory before heading back home in the morning. Remus managed to corner James alone in the bathroom as Peter and Sirius each crawled into their beds.

"How did it go?" Remus asked, clearly dying to know what had happened.

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Not terrible, but not great either," James admitted. "I told him that he could stay at my house this summer and I got him to promise to at least think about it. He still seemed hesitant though and I really don't understand why. I really thought that he'd be eager to get away from his parents."

Remus was quiet for a moment. "Well, it's probably a safe assumption that this isn't the first time this has happened," he said finally. "If it were I would expect that Sirius would have had a much harsher reaction to it, especially if his parents had never laid a hand on this before. For all we know this kind of thing could have been a very normal part of his entire childhood. Maybe it was worse this time, but he might still have a hard time wrapping his head around the idea that this isn't how parents are supposed to discipline their kids."

"But he knows it's not normal, that's why he's trying to hide it," James insisted.

Remus nodded. "Yes, but it's a much more complicated situation than just that," he said. "And if Sirius were to agree to leave his house and essentially hide from his parents that would be him admitting that he couldn't handle them. Sirius doesn't want to appear weak."

"Yeah, I suppose," James admitted. "What do you think the odds are of him coming to his senses by tomorrow and simply leaving the platform with me and my parents?"

Remus shrugged. "I honestly don't know," he said. "We can always hope that he will realized that his parents don't have control over him, but there is a chance that he will view running away as appearing weak."

James sighed again. "I just don't want to worry about him all summer," he said. "What if they do something worse to him this time? They might feel more confident since they got away with what they did to him last time."

Remus nodded. "There's a good possibility of that," he said. He looked grim. "We can try talking to him again on the train tomorrow.

"Yeah, I guess," James said. He rubbed his eyes under his glasses. "My head is spinning from all of this. Come on, let's try to get some sleep."

The two returned to the dormitory and quietly climbed into their beds, drawing their curtains around them. It would be a long night for all four of the boys in the dormitory. There would be a lot of tossing and turning, each one restless with his own thoughts. Tomorrow was they day they had all been dreading. By the time tomorrow ended there would either be relief or anguish. Everything would either be fixed or things would begin to fall apart even more than they already had.

As James stared at the ceiling, he could only hope that there would be four boys returning to this dormitory September first and that all four boys would be unharmed. All he hoped for was the safety of his friends.


	22. The Decision

**Author's Note: Hey guys! I tried not to keep you waiting too long, I know I'm a little over my usual one update a week rhythm, but it's been a very crazy week. As always thank you reviewers, you guys are most wonderful. This chapter is starting to lead into some more action, so I hope you enjoy it! Please don't forget to leave a review and let me know what you think! **

_Chapter Twenty Two_

_The Decision_

Sirius wasn't sure exactly when he had fallen asleep, but his did not rest peacefully that night. He was plagued by nightmares of the drawing room in Number Twelve Grimmald Place punctuated by his own screams of agony. A nightmare based on very recent memory. He woke several times throughout the night in a cold sweat. His mind was racing with too many thoughts and he was quickly beginning to feel overwhelmed by this whole thing.

It had shaken him how much James seemed able to guess about his home life the night before. He had always downplayed his parents and things that they did while he was at school. He avoided speaking about them at all if possible. Hogwarts was his safe haven, he did not want to ruin that by disproving his illusion that nothing outside of these walls mattered.

Thinking back, he couldn't remember a time when his parents had been kind to him. Even growing up he would not have described them as warm people. Even when he was young he had frequently had this feeling that he was simply born into the wrong family. He had his father's chin and black hair, his mother's stormy grey eyes, but other than that he could never find many similarities between him and his parents, or most of his other relatives for that matter. He had always felt out of place with simply his enjoyment of life and his wild sense of humor. He liked to have fun. Growing up this had been pointed out as being odd, but when he had finally been accepted into school and was able to leave his home he had found that he didn't seem as odd as his parents had made him seem.

For his entire life his parents had been sticklers for discipline. They were proper Purebloods and wanted their children, even their toddlers, to be as proper as the adults. It wasn't unusual for him or his brother or cousins to be dragged about by their ears when they were misbehaving or even smacked around a bit. He noticed that his cousins and his brother learned quickly what their parents expected from them and simply complied, therefore they were disciplined less.

Sirius just wasn't like the other kids around him in that way. It got to the point that the problem wasn't that he didn't understand what his parents wanted him to do. As he grew older he knew exactly how they wanted him to behave, and he could pull out his "proper Pureblooded child" act any time that he wanted. He was actually exceptionally good at it when he tried. It just wasn't much fun and that tended to bother him.

Sirius knew that he was a great disappointment to his parents. That fact had been bluntly stated to the entire school by a Howler from his dear mother the day after he had been sorted into Gryffindor first year. And there was some small part of him that wished he wasn't such a disappointment to them. But at the same time after spending just one year at school he felt more comfortable with himself and who he was than he had in the whole ten years growing up at Number Twelve Grimmald Place. He had a close group of friends and he finally fit in somehow. He belonged somewhere. And he didn't have to change who he was in order to gain this feeling.

He knew that James and Remus and even Peter all meant well. They were looking out for his best interests, which was more than he could say that his family had ever done for him. The offer to stay with James and his parents was so tempting. When Sirius had first visited James during the summer holidays he had been shocked by the family dynamic. His mother had this warm smile that lit up the room and his father loved to crack jokes. It was the polar opposite of the house that Sirius had grown up in. Mrs. Potter gushed about James' good grades over an evening's turkey dinner while Mr. Potter discussed professional Quidditch teams with the boys. Those trips were the most enjoyment that Sirius ever got during the summer holidays. He never wanted to leave.

So what if he didn't? What if he went right from school to the Potter's and then back to school? Could that really work? Could it really be that simple? He just had such a hard to wrapping his head around it.

Morning came too quickly and he still didn't have any answers. He was woken by the sounds of movement around the dormitory. After listening for a moment he could determine that he was the last one in bed. He knew he had to get up, he knew that he couldn't pretend that he could simply lay here until classes started up again in September. However it seemed like such an impossible task just to get out of bed and face what was to come.

"Sirius?" It was James' voice coming from just the other side of the curtains surrounding his bed. "Are you awake? We have to leave for the train soon."

Sirius sighed into his pillow. "I'm up," he mumbled. He rolled over and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to rub the sleep from them as he forced himself up into a sitting position. He reached over and swept his curtains aside to find that his roommates were conspicuously busying themselves with getting ready to leave, a little more so than usual. Obviously they were all trying to give him some space. He hated feeling like they saw him as so fragile.

With a great effort Sirius dragged himself out of bed, grabbing some clean clothes as he headed for the bathroom. He changed and headed back out into the dormitory. He looked around as he finished tossing his things into his trunk, taking in all the details of the room. This room had felt more like home than his bedroom at Number Twelve Grimmald place ever had. He would be counting down the days until he could return.

"Ready?"

Sirius was snapped out of his thoughts by Remus' voice. He turned to find that the other three Marauders were all standing by the door, looking back at him expectantly. Sirius sighed heavily. Was he ready? No, he wasn't. Did that matter at this point? No it didn't. Time had run out. It was time to leave, whether he wanted to or not.

His shuffled forward, dragging his feet as he followed his friends out the door. The doorknob felt heavy in his hand and the click of the door closing behind him seem to echo loudly in his head. He was hardly aware of descending the spiral staircase and joining the rest of the mob of Gryffindors as they flowed out of the Tower and into the corridors, all heading for the Entrance Hall. They joined Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and Slytherins as the mass invaded the front lawn, every student heading down to the Hogsmeade station to catch the Hogwarts Express. At one point Sirius even caught the briefest of glimpses of his brother in the crowd.

The Hogwarts Express waited patiently for each and every student to board. The Marauders headed directly to the back of the train, finding that their usual compartment was occupied by first years. James quickly kicked them out and the Marauders settled themselves in for the long trip back to London.

As the train jerked forward, an uncomfortable silence fell over the compartment. It was very odd for the Marauders to be so quiet. Sirius turned to stare out the window, his elbow resting on the edge of the window and his chin resting in his hand. He watched the scenery outside slowly pick up speed and turn into a green blur.

The trip between London and Hogwarts was always a long one, taking up the majority of the day. They would always leave early in the morning, and by the time they arrived the sun would have set. They had hours to kill, and Sirius wasn't looking forward to spending it in complete silence.

"How about some Exploding Snap?" Sirius spoke up, turning to look at the rest of the occupants in the compartment. They all seemed surprised by this request, but James quickly remembered himself and went through his bag and came up with his deck of Exploding Snap cards.

After a few rounds the atmosphere in the compartment was starting to feel significantly lighter. Sirius still noticed the occasional worried sidelong glance from the other Marauders, but he did his best to simply focus on the game. Some small part of him knew that this was foolish. He did have a decision to make, he should be thinking about what he was going to do when he disembarked the train. This wasn't something he should be putting off, especially since it was painfully obvious that time was running out. But he just didn't want to deal with the reality of the situation. Not just yet.

The morning passed slowly. Finally they heard the old lady with the sweets cart making her way down the corridor. She finally made it to the end of the train and as usual all the Marauders loaded up on as many sweets as they could carry.

Sirius was sitting back in his seat with his feet up on the seat across from him, chewing on a licorice wand. Remus and Peter had set up a game of wizarding chess on the floor and Peter was already losing badly. James was sitting in his seat diagonal from where Sirius sat, going through his new batch of Chocolate Frog cards. Overall everything felt fairly normal.

Sirius was staring out the window, but out of the corner of his eye he kept seeing James glancing over at him. At first he tried to simply ignore it, but after a while it became too annoying. Sirius sighed loudly and deliberately turned to look at James.

"I'm right here, you know Prongs," Sirius said. "If there's something on your mind, just say it."

"I was just wondering if you had put any thought into my offer," James said, raising his eyebrows at him. "You haven't said anything about it all day…"

Sirius was quiet for a moment. Remus and Peter were still intent on their game, but Sirius could tell that they were only half paying attention to it as they waited to hear his response.

"It just… it just can't be that simple," Sirius finally said reluctantly.

"Yes it can be," James insisted. "You could just walk away from that life, Sirius."

Sirius was quiet, not sure how to respond to that. Could he just walk away from his entire life? Well he supposed it really wasn't his entire life anymore. Hogwarts was his life now. Going home was just an annoying side track he had to take once a year for three months. It didn't even really feel like he lived there anymore. He wasn't like the rest of the students at school. He didn't spend nine months away and return home for three months. It was just the opposite for him. He spend nine months at home and was forced to leave for three.

"Well… somehow I don't think they'd miss me…" Sirius said slowly.

"So you'll do it?" James said, his tone guarded.

Sirius sighed. He couldn't think of a real good reason not to. He was almost an adult anyway. He should be able to make his own decisions. "Yes, I suppose I will," he said with a shrug, trying to make it sound like no big deal.

James grinned and Sirius didn't miss the contented smiles on Remus and Peter's faces as well. "Good," James said with satisfaction.

And with that it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of Sirius' chest. He felt truly light for the first time in what felt like months. It seemed like things might actually work out in his favor. How nice it would be to never return to Number Twelve Grimmald Place ever again.

The afternoon was much more normal in the Marauders' compartment. Loud games were played, jokes were told, pranks were planned. The sun was setting as they reached London and for once Sirius didn't feel dread. He was actually starting to believe that this summer was going to be a good one.

As they reached the platform the Marauders went about gathering their things and joining the river of students out in the corridor, all anxious to get off the train and rejoin their families. Sirius was impatient as they waited their turn to exit the train. Finally the Marauders made it off the train and onto the platform crowded with parents reuniting with their children. There was a bit of chaos as per usual as everyone searched for their family members.

Remus and Peter both spotted their families rather quickly and bid their farewells, promising to write in order to plan to meet up over the holidays.

"Come on, my parents are usually over here," James said with a smile and he started off.

Sirius went to follow him but suddenly a hand came down hard on his shoulder, holding him in place. His entire body went cold. James glanced over his shoulder and then stopped and spun around, taking in the sight in front of him.

"Sirius," a steady voice said. "Come now, we haven't got all evening."

Sirius turned slightly and looked up into the face of his father. He felt frozen in place, unable to think. He looked over at James who was still standing just a few feet away, looking slightly horrified by the turn of events. He had been hoping that James would know what to do, but he seemed to be at as much of a loss as Sirius. Nobody had for a moment considered what to do if Sirius' parents had found him before they could find James' parents.

"I… I…" Sirius stuttered, hating how he suddenly sounded like a little kid. Wasn't he better than this? "I was going to go over to James'…" He let the thought hang, feeling silly.

"You may visit your friend later in the summer," his father said coolly, not considering the request even for a moment. "Now is the time to be with your family. Come, your mother and brother are waiting."

Sirius glanced over and spotted Regulus standing with their mother a little ways away. His mother had this bored yet disgusted look on her face that she had perfected over the years. Sirius felt his stomach drop just at the sight of her as his muscles tensed. He hadn't seen her since she had used the Cruciatus Curse on him.

The hand on his shoulder tighted almost painfully, and Sirius knew that he was trapped. His father wasn't going to let him walk away and he couldn't make a scene out here on the platform. Even if he did have the courage he knew that it would only cause more trouble later.

"I'll talk to you later, James," Sirius said, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Sirius…" James said, looking torn.

"I'll see you," he said as he turned away from his friend.

As he walked next to his father to where Regulus and his mother stood he suddenly felt like a condemned man. He was looking at three whole months trapped in that house with parents who truly loathed him. He had always dreaded the summer holidays, but this time there was a new sense of fear that came along with it. He seriously wondered if he would be able to survive this. Could he last another three months of "discipline" in his parents house? Or would this finally prove to be too much for him?

His choice had been taken away from him. He cursed himself for not thinking this through more, for not figuring out how to avoid being seen at all by his parents. James' Invisibility Cloak would have done the trick, why had none of them thought of that?

Now it was too late. Now he had to face his fear. He could only hope that he would come out the other side in one piece.


	23. Home

**Author's Note: Reviewers are awesome. That is all. :)**

_Chapter Twenty-Three_

"_Home"_

Walking up to the front door of his childhood home had never brought Sirius warm feelings or ant sense of safety or security like it did for most people. This particular time brought a whole new sense of dread though. His feet carried him along the familiar path even as his mind screamed for him to run. It was almost as if he weren't in control of his own body.

His mother approached the door first. As she opened it there was the familiar creek of the hinges, an ominous sound. Regulus walked in just after their mother without hesitation, his head held high in a haughty way, so obviously feeling superior. Sirius grudgingly followed in their steps, acutely aware of his father close behind him, seeming almost like a prison guard. There was no possibility to run. He couldn't even hesitate on the threshold for fear of his father coming up behind him. It was unnerving.

The house was the same as always. As much as he hated this house, he knew every inch of it. The lights were dim and there was the vague smell of mold. The entire house had a closed off feel to it, like it didn't have any connection to the outside world.

Regulus followed their mother down the hallway, heading for the kitchen. Sirius had no desire to be included in the family moment that he knew was about to occur. He knew that Kreacher would have dinner on the table. The family would sit down to the meal and eat in a tense silence, the only noise being the scrapping of silverware across the plates. After passing most of the meal in silence their father would demand details about the school year as if asking about the headlines from the Daily Prophet. Regulus would drone on about his Pureblooded friends and their aspirations as Sirius would sulk in silence, not bothering to offer up any details about his own school year. It was a ritual that Sirius was very familiar with and wanted no part of.

As Sirius turned and headed up the stairs instead, he knew very well that this simple act would be looked at as rebellious. The Black family was fixated on it's routine and Sirius was blatantly ignoring the routine. Somehow though, he just didn't care. He wasn't about to sit at that table and pretend that nothing at all had changed.

"Where do you think you are going?" came his father's voice.

Sirius stopped in his tracks on the stairs but did not turn around. "To my room," he said flatly.

"It's dinner time," Mr. Black stated simply.

"I'm not hungry," Sirius replied in the same tone.

"Are you feeling well?" his father asked. There was no trace of concern in his voice and he might as well have been commenting on the mundane weather.

"Not terribly," Sirius said after a pause. There was a silence that followed that rattled Sirius down to his bones. He could almost feel his father's gaze burning into the back of his skull but he still refused to turn. After a few long moments Sirius found his feet as he continued to ascend the stairs, careful to keep his gaze straight ahead. The silence followed him consuming his surroundings. As he passed the drawing room he refused to even glance at it not wanting to remember what had occurred there.

Finally he made it to his room. As he closed the door firmly behind him he took a deep breath. He felt a little more at ease in this space among his brightly decorated walls, but he knew he still was not safe. It was only a matter of time before his solitude would be invaded. He approached his bed and fell down onto it. It wasn't nearly as comfortable as his bed back at Hogwarts. Nothing felt quite right to him here. He just didn't belong here. He never had before, but that fact was so much more potent now.

He lay quietly on his bed simply watching the time go by. It seemed to be moving particularly slowly. He mentally counted the days until September 1st. It seemed especially far away.

Sirius knew that his peace wouldn't last, but he still winced to himself as he heard the heavy footsteps coming up the steps.

His father did not knock or ask permission to enter, he simply tossed open the door to the bedroom. However Sirius noticed that he did not actually enter the room. He hovered in the doorway for several long minutes, gazing around at his walls with distaste. Sirius felt a spark of pride to know that he was able to cause his father to not want to enter his room.

"Sirius," Mr. Black finally said.

"Father," Sirius responded flatly from where he lay on his bed.

"I do not appreciate your attitude," Mr. Black said, his voice dangerous low. "There is no excuse for skipping a family meal."

"My attitude is not new," Sirius responded automatically, studying the canopy over his bed.

"True," Mr. Black agreed darkly. "I did hope that you would come back from school with a new… perspective though."

Sirius clenched his jaw at the thought. Had his father really believed that?

"Sorry to disappoint," he muttered mostly to himself. He left it at that. He wasn't feeling particularly chatty.

There was a tense pause. Mr. Black shifted like he was going to enter the room, but then rethought it. He sent another disgusted look around the room and Sirius smirked to himself. He still had some power left.

"We only do what we feel like is best for you," Mr. Black practically spat. "The path you are on is going to lead you down a bad road. We are only trying to do what's right by our children, we are _trying_ to bring you and Regulus up right."

Sirius couldn't help but scoff. "Doing what's right…" he echoed vaguely. He looked over at where his father stood. "Do you really believe that judging a person by the family that they happened to be born into is what's right?"

"There is a right sort of person," Mr. Black declared. "You come from such a long line of proper Pureblooded witches and wizards. You need to respect tradition, you need to respect your heritage."

Sirius snorted a laugh, looking back up at the canopy above his head. "Being born into the right family didn't do much for me," he pointed out. "It shouldn't be much of a jump to figure that perhaps being born into the supposed wrong family doesn't define a person."

"We are superior!" Mr. Black practically shouted.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say," he said flatly and sarcastically, hoping that would be the end of the conversation. Of course he wasn't that lucky.

"What we do, we only do for your own good," Mr. Black said, glaring.

"Well then just stop!" Sirius finally exploded. He sat up and glared defiantly at his father. "I get it, you tried so hard and I am a massive disappointment. Just accept me as a failure and forget about me. Disown me, I don't want to be a part of this family!"

"You _are_ a part of this family!" his father shot back. "Whether you like it or not!"

Suddenly his father's wand was out. Before Sirius could even consider responding Mr. Black had waved his wand and a searing pain went through his arm. He cried out and clutched at his arm as he rolled over on his bed, putting his back to his father.

"_Toujours Pur__," his father spat at him from the doorway. "You will do well to remember where you are from, son."_

_It took Sirius several minutes before he rolled over to realize that _his doorway was empty. His arm was still burning painfully and he bit back hard against cries of anguish. He bit the inside of his mouth as he forced himself off the bed and stumbled to the door. As he reached for his door he spotted a figure in the hallway. He froze for a moment, tense before he realized that the figure was too small to be either of his parents. That left one person.

For a moment Sirius' eyes met his brother Regulus' eyes. His brother was hesitating outside his own bedroom, having just spotted sirius. For a moment Sirius couldn't see the arrogant, haughty person he had grown to know over the past few years. For just a split second Sirius saw his younger brother who used to be afraid of the dark and looked up to him. A moment later Regulus' guard was back up and he disappeared into his room, shutting his door firmly behind him.

With an effort Sirius managed to shut his own door. He stumbled back to his bed, yanking back his shirt sleeve. His scar, which hadn't given him any trouble in weeks, was gleaming up at him, shining red with hints of blood, a few droplets escaping down his skin. His hand was clenched in a fist as he resisted to urge to claw at his own arm. His mind was in a panic. He was gasping for breath through this intense pain. What could he do, how could he make this pain stop? Surely it couldn't continue until his father came back. Surely there was something he could do. The pain was intensifying and logical thought was slowly leaking out of his brain as he failed to come up with any sort of action to take.

Sirius lost all track of time and he concentrated everything he had on not crying out. He refused to give his father that satisfaction. Eventually he was vaguely aware of the pain lessening. Or was he simply getting used to it? As it looked down at his scar he saw that it looked less angry. It had to be wearing off, it just had to.

Finally he was sure of it, the pain was fading away. He took a deep breath trying to steady his nerves. He looked down at his arm. _Toujours Pur __glared back up at him. How had his life come to this? What had he ever done to deserve this? _

_Suddenly he thought back to his days spent visiting the Potters over the years. It was so different from his own house. There was such a light feeling in that house. Even when James was in trouble, he never truly feared harm from his parents like Sirius did. Sirius had witnessed several lectures after him and James had pulled pranks while he had been visiting. Mrs. Potter would be cross while Mr. Potter tried to pretend that he wasn't amused by what they had done. Those were parents who truly did mean well. _

_Sirius dragged himself off of his bed. He went over to his window, seeing that it had started to rain outside. It was pitch black out, and the light from his room reflected off the glass back at him. He stared at his reflection. He could hardly recognize himself. There was a look in his eyes that was not natural to him. This was not who he was. _

_He looked back down at his arm. The pain had diminished to a dull throb. __Toujours Pur. __That was not him. That was not a saying that would ever define him. He wouldn't let it. He had to take control of his own life. _

_"I can't stay here," he said quietly to himself. _

_That fact rang clearer and truer than it ever had before. He knew what he had to do. He knew that he would not be here for the summer. Some part of him would die if he stayed here and he feared be may never get that part of him back. He would escape. He would get out. He would save himself. _


	24. Escape

**Author's Note: Hi guys! I hope you don't find this chapter too awkward, I was traveling this past week so the majority of this was written while sitting in airports during layovers so my mind was kind of all over the place. Please let me know what you think. I was reflecting on the fact that this story kind of went in a different direction than what I had originally planned when I started this… but I hope you guys like where this is going! And as always, thank you to everyone who has reviewed! You guys are the reason I work so hard to get chapters up in a timely manner. :)**

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_Chapter Twenty Four_

_Escape_

It was five days after James had returned home and he still could not stop thinking about his best friend. There had been a plan, everything was supposed to have worked out and Sirius wasn't going to go back to his parents' house. After all the pranks they had pulled at Hogwarts over the years the Marauders were very good a planning. So why had this plan not worked out? Why had none of them taken the time to really think it through rather than just assume it would be as easy as walking away?

James spent his time sulking in his room, only coming out for meals in which he did his best to seem cheerful but his parents saw right through his act. However for once when his father inquired as to what was bothering him James brushed him off. He had always been able to confide in his father, but with this situation he didn't know what was okay to say and what wasn't. He knew that Sirius didn't want anyone to know how his parents really treated him. But by keeping this secret for him was James doing more harm than good for his friend? This problem seemed so far over the heads of a small group of fifteen-year-old boys. Eventually James had to wonder if it would be best to get an adult involved.

On the second day of vacation James had written Sirius a letter. He chose his words carefully, feeling as if he were writing to a prisoner, he kept in mind that the letter might be intercepted by Sirius' parents, even though he had given his owl specific instructions to deliver the letter directly to Sirius' bedroom. He kept the letter simple, inquiring as to when Sirius would be coming to visit him and mentioning that early in the summer might work out better than later. If James could just get Sirius over to his house then they could go about working on how to keep him there for the entire summer and this time they would think things through.

James figured he would give Sirius a few days to respond, perhaps up to a week if he could muster up the patience. If he still didn't hear from him then he would consider going to his parents with the problem. He knew that Sirius wouldn't like that idea, but he felt like he didn't have much of a choice. Leaving Sirius in that house for the entire summer just seemed out of the question. He had to do something.

As he lay in bed that night he couldn't help but go over the scene at the train station in his head, criticizing everything that he had done wrong. James had been stunned when he had turned to see that Mr. Black had suddenly materialized at Sirius' side, holding him in place. It boggled his mind how Mr. Black had found him so quickly. Sometimes it took as long as a half an hour for James to find his parents in the chaotic crowd of students, parents and younger siblings. Both Sirius and James had been frozen in place; obviously neither of them knew what to do. James chastised himself once again for not thinking through the plan more.

What had shaken James the most about the encounter was the look on Sirius' face. He was frightened. He was truly afraid of his father. It was a raw fear that James had never before seen in Sirius and by the time that James' mind was about to process through the shock of the whole situation Mr. Black, along with Sirius, were both lost in the crowd.

James liked to think that overall he was a good person. He liked to think that he wasn't afraid to stand up for what he believed him. He aspired to be an Auror after graduating Hogwarts after all. But in that moment when Mr. Black had led Sirius away James felt like nothing more than a weak child. Cowardly, even. He should have somehow been able to stop this whole thing from happening. He should have been able to protect his friend.

It was a little after midnight and James felt terribly restless. Finally he decided to get up to fetch a glass of water. It wasn't that he was really thirsty, it was more he just needed to do something, anything. He tossed his covers aside as he slid out of bed, grabbing his glasses from his bedside table as he passed. He wandered down and hall and down the stairs. The house was still; his parents had retired to bed hours ago. Outside crickets chirped, masking the silence. It was a quiet night. James followed the very familiar path to the kitchen. His mind was elsewhere as he got himself a glass of water out of habit, leaning up against the counter in the kitchen as he sipped at it.

After a few minutes he placed the half full glass in the sink. He retraced his steps back into the living room, intending to head back up the stairs and return to bed, though he had no hope of getting much rest until his owl returned with a response from Sirius. He had one foot up on the bottom step when something caused him to pause. He wasn't quite sure why he stopped. There was no noise to speak of. Just an ominous feeling that suddenly overcame him. He glanced around him, but nothing had changed. He was about to shrug off the feeling as a result of sleep deprivation – he hadn't slept through the night since returning home – when he heard a distinct clunk come from outside.

The logical thing for James to do was to go wake his parents. Clearly there was someone lurking outside their house and with his father being an Auror and his mother being an avid supporter of Muggles and Muggle-borns as she frequently wrote articles about in the Daily Prophet, he knew that Dark Wizards may target their family, especially with the growing tensions in the outside world. James wasn't quite sure why he didn't wake his parents but a moment later he stood at the front door, peering out the window onto the dark lawn.

He could make out a dark figure making it's why up the walk, dragging something large and heavy behind him. James made to reach for his wand before he realized that he had left it upstairs. Again, logic did not enter his thoughts. Upon finding himself unarmed he should have backed away from the danger. Instead he reached out and threw open the door. The light from the room behind him flooded out onto the walk, causing the figure to raise his hand to shield his eyes from the sudden intrusion. It only took a moment for James to recognize the person who stood before him.

"Sirius?" he said in disbelief.

"Hey Prongs," came Sirius' tired voice, sounding slightly winded.

"What are you doing here?" James asked, still trying to get his mind around what was going on.

"Fancied a visit," Sirius said simply. "Think you could give me a hand with this?"

James suddenly remembered himself as he stepped outside and hurried down the porch steps. Sirius was dragging his entire school trunk behind him. James reached over and helped Sirius pull it toward the porch.

"How did you get here?" James asked. Usually when Sirius came over he used the floo network.

"Knight Bus," Sirius said.

Clearly Sirius was intent on giving him as little information as possible, which frustrated James. But he would never send Sirius away. Instead he was content with getting him inside, relieved that he was away from his parents' house at least, and deal with the growing number of questions later. Together they dragged Sirius' trunk up the porch steps and into the house.

James turned to close the door behind him and when he turned back to Sirius he gave a violent start as he got a good look at him in the well-lit room. Sirius was wearing the white dress shirt that was a part of his school uniform, which was not unusual since his parents insisted on "proper dress" while he was home. Sirius didn't even own any casual clothes until the first time he had visited James the summer after first year. However the white fabric of his shirt was spattered with angry red stains, stemming from his right sleeve that was almost completely covered. Suddenly the questions couldn't wait.

"Sirius… what happened?" James demanded, his eyes wide as he openly stared.

"Nicked myself shaving," Sirius said dryly as he sat heavily on top of his trunk.

James stared blankly for a moment, slow to comprehend the joke in his shock at Sirius' current appearance. His knees felt weak and somehow he found himself on the nearby couch. "What really happened?" James implored.

Sirius sighed heavily. "I don't want to talk about it tonight," he said flatly. "Can I stay here?"

"Of course," James said immediately. "But Sirius, you look like you belong in the hospital right now."

Sirius waved his left hand dismissively. "I managed to stem the bleeding with a spell I looked up in my Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook and the dizziness has passed," he said. "I'll be fine. I just want to get some sleep."

James pictured Sirius gushing blood as he casually flipped through his school books. Were there any lengths that Sirius wouldn't go to in order to keep this secret? This was quickly getting out of hand.

"Sirius, I really need to know what's going on," James said steady.

There was a short pause. "I just… I ran away," Sirius said slowly, his eyes staring off to some faraway place. "I told my parents exactly what I thought of them and that I was leaving and never coming back."

"I assume they didn't take it very well," James said, eyeing Sirius' condition.

Sirius barked a laugh. "That's putting it lightly, Prongs."

James nodded. He knew that he would need to get the whole story, but that could wait until morning. He knew that it had taken a lot for Sirius to stand up to his parents like that.

"Come on," James said, standing up. "You can sleep on the floor in my room tonight. Just leave your trunk here. It's late, we'll deal with everything in the morning."

Sirius nodded, slowly heaving himself to his feet, swaying slightly on unsteady feet. James watched him carefully, ready to catch him if he started to fall, but after a moment he seemed to get his balance. They headed up to James' room and as they entered James found his wand on his bedside table. He picked it up and casually waved it, causing a mattress along with pillows and blankets to appear on the floor near the foot of his bed like he always did when Sirius' visited.

"Here," James said as he dug through his bureau for a moment. He pulled out a clean shirt and tossed it over to Sirius.

Sirius caught the shirt and then hesitated, as if self-conscious. James turned and started to get situated back in his bed, granting Sirius a hint of privacy. Sirius quickly unbuttoned his shirt, shrugging out of the bloodied shirt and tossing it to the floor. As he pulled the clean shirt over his head James glanced over. He had assumed that the blood had come from the previous wound on his arm where Toujours Pur had been carved. Although it seemed like some of the blood may have come from that, James was startled to find four long gashes along Sirius' side, almost like claw marks from a very large animal.

James stopped himself from saying anything, turning away before Sirius could notice that he had been looking. The scars looked scabbed over probably from the spell that Sirius had used, so Sirius didn't appear to be in any immediate danger from the wounds. It was a conversation that could wait until the morning after they both got some sleep. For now Sirius was safe. And for now, that was enough.

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**Author's Note: Don't forget to review!**


	25. The Truth

**Author's Note: Thank you reviewers! :)**

_Chapter Twenty-Five_

_The Truth_

As the sun shone on his face through the window the next morning, Sirius blinked wearily. It took him a minute to realize where he was. This was not his bedroom at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. Neither was this his bed in the dormitory at Hogwarts. Looking around the sight was vaguely familiar from the several other times he had visited his best friend. He was at the Potter's house in Godric's Hollow.

He rolled over, feeling a dull ache in his chest. Despite the events from the evening before, last night he had slept more soundly then he had in weeks.

_Sirius had laid low for several days in his parents' house. He had sulked about just as he always did and he did his best to avoid the rest of the family. He didn't bother with any family meals and for the moment it seemed his parents were content with pretending that he simply didn't exist, which was fine by him. In fact, that was exactly what he was hoping for. _

_Even though he knew what he had to do – he would leave this house for good – the plan was slow to come into focus. He didn't bother unpacking his school trunk, knowing that he had to be ready in a moment's notice. He just had the wait for the perfect moment. He knew from experience how difficult sneaking out without his parents knowing could be. They seemed to have more protection and alarm spells than the Ministry of Magic. Not to mention Kreacher always lurking about. _

_He was walking up the stairs, heading for his bedroom when his opportunity finally presented itself. _

_His mother was already in a rage. Her screeches could be heard throughout the house, though as Sirius paused and listened curiously he couldn't quite hear the words she was spewing. Suddenly there was a loud bang. Sirius gave a start at the noise, which was unfamiliar to him if he wasn't on the receiving end of it. Who was she attacking? Surely not her husband. Was it Regulus? He hadn't earned a punishment since before he started at Hogwarts; he was always the perfect son in their parents' eyes. _

_Unable to stop himself Sirius wandered closer to his mother's rage. As he poked his head into the room he found a very curious sight. His mother was completely alone in the room, but from the way she clutched her wand as well as the stench in the room clearly she had burned something. Against his better judgment Sirius cleared his throat to make himself known. _

_His mother whirled to look at him, a fury he had never seen before in her eyes. She jabbed a finger angrily in his direction. "_You_!" she spat. "You will be no better! Blood traitor in my own house!"_

"_Excuse me?" Sirius said a little too politely. This certainly wasn't news to him but the cause of this particular rant was still a mystery. _

"_I just heard from your Aunt Druella," his mother hissed. "It seems your filthy cousin has run off with a _Muggle_!"_

_Sirius raised his eyebrows, finding it humorous that they were suddenly his relatives rather than her sister and her niece. As he surveyed the room he suddenly found where the source of the burning smell was coming from. She had blasted his cousin Andromeda off of the family tapestry. "Well, good for her," Sirius said with a smile that he knew was sure to send his mother over the edge. "I'll have to send her my congratulations."_

"_You should send her poor, dear mother condolences!" his mother shrieked. "My poor sister is bedridden because of this heinous thing her daughter has done. Such a disgrace to this family to have so many children who can't understand how important family is!"_

"_Perhaps it is the other way around, mother," Sirius drawled easily. He leaned against the doorway casually and crossed his arms over his chest. "Perhaps it is us who are disgraced to have such an awful family who cannot let go of old, outdated ways."_

_His mother stalked toward him and Sirius immediately straightened up but made no move to reach for his own wand, though he eyed her wand still in her hand wearily. Deep down he knew where this was going. And deep down he knew it had to be done. _

"_You are wrong, boy," his mother hissed in his face. "You have picked the wrong side of this war. Because that's what this is going to be. A war. The Dark Lord Voldemort is gaining power and soon he will be unstoppable. He will destroy the world of _Muggles _and then true witches and wizards will be able to take their rightful place as the superior race in this world." She leaned in even closer and Sirius did not so much as flinch. "And I hope that he will capture you and torture you himself for being a blood traitor to such an honorable family."_

"_He'd have to catch me first," Sirius said in a low voice, meeting his mother's eyes. "He'd have to catch me… before I got him."_

_That did it._

"_HOW DARE YOU!" his mother screamed, her rage soaring to all new heights. "You ungrateful, unworthy shame to your family!"_

_Sirius laughed in her face, suddenly feeling liberated. Somehow he knew this hell was almost over and he knew that his parents would no longer control him. He could almost sense how near his freedom was. "Actually, mother, it's this family that shames me!" _

_When his mother screamed the curse he couldn't even make out what she had said. He was suddenly thrown backwards out of the room, hitting the wall in the hallway hard. It took him a moment to comprehend the pain running through his side and the sudden wet feeling of his shirt. He looked down to see that he was covered in red. _

"_I don't want you in my house," his mother hissed. _

"_And I don't want to be in your house," Sirius spat back. He shoved himself away from the wall. At this point the pain barely bothered him. He'd had worse. "I'll do us both a favor and just get the hell out!" _

_He turned and started up the stairs. As he reached the top he began to notice the dizziness and the dark spots clouding the edges of his vision. As he entered his room he pulled out his wand before he realized he didn't know what kind of spell to cast. Remus had always been the Healer of the group. He winced as he tossed open his school truck and dug around for a moment. He came up with his Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook. He forced himself to focus through the dizziness as he quickly flipped through the pages, finally coming upon a fairly simple healing spell. _

_After healing himself he knew he had no time to waste. He had to leave while his mother was still too angry to stop him. He yanked his trunk along. As he entered the hallway he was only vaguely aware of the door across the hall from him slowly closing, concealing the occupant. He didn't have time to stop and think what Regulus was thinking. Surely he had heard the entire exchange. If the house hadn't been so hidden he suspected the neighbors would have heard it as well. But Regulus could take care of himself. Sirius wasn't worried about him._

_He allowed his trunk to bang loudly down the stairs behind him. He didn't care about secrecy. He would not sneak out of this house with his proverbial tail between his legs. He was proud of his rebellion. He was proud to be rejected by this family. _

"_Sirius."_

_The low voice reached him just as he was reaching out for the doorknob. He paused, his hand still outstretched. He didn't turn around. _

"_Father," he returned. _

"_If you walk out that door right now, you will no longer be a part of this family," his father said in a low and dangerous voice. "You will never be welcomed back into this house again."_

"_Then we are on the same page," Sirius said, still not looking at him. _

_There was a tense silence. Finally Sirius grabbed the doorknob, flinging the door open. Without a backward glance he walked out the door, half expecting some sort of attack while his back was turned. But none came. As he closed the door behind him he felt an enormous weight lifting off his shoulders. He had done it. He had left The Most Ancient and Nobel House of Black. For good. _

_As he walked away, just before the house melted back into the houses around it, Sirius could just make out the sound of a small bang coming from deep inside it. And he smiled. He knew that his name would no longer appear on the family tapestry. And he was glad for that. _

After he had finally left it had only taken him a few minutes to decide where to go. Surely James wouldn't turn him away, even at that late hour. And he had been right. Now as he lay there going over the events from the night before he felt a wave of relief wash over him. He knew that he would never return to that house again, and that was comforting.

He noticed James shifting in his own bed. Sirius sat up and watched him as his eyes blinked open. James yawned and stretched before reaching over to his bedside table and grabbing his glasses. As he slipped them on he jumped a bit at the sight of Sirius sitting on the mattress on the floor. Sirius smirked.

"Didn't mean to frighten you, Prongs," Sirius said.

James shook his head slightly. "No, sorry, just forgot…" he mumbled, his voice still full of sleep. He yawned again. "Did you sleep?"

"Yeah, I slept fine," Sirius said. "Better than I have in a while."

James nodded as he slid to sit on the edge of his bed, looking down at Sirius. "So are you going to tell me what happened?"

"I ran away," Sirius said with a shrug. "What else would you like to know?"

"How about where those gashes on your side came from?" James said bluntly, looking at him critically.

Sirius sighed. There was no point hiding it. "A parting gift from my dear mother," Sirius confirmed what James had probably already suspected. "Very minor compared to what she did last time."

James looked at him for a moment, apparently surprised that Sirius was being so straightforward about this. "And… what did she do last time?" James asked slowly.

Sirius paused, looking down at the floor. "The Cruciatus Curse," he said finally, very quietly.

James just stared, his mouth open, for several minutes as Sirius sat there silently, letting the information sink in. After keeping this secret for all this time Sirius felt strangely relieved finally letting it out. It wasn't like before when he had accidentally let parts of his story slip and he immediately felt dread and regret. He was no longer controlled by his parents. He wouldn't be returning to their house. Ever. Keeping secrets for them just didn't seem to matter anymore. He was free.

"Are you serious?" James finally said.

"It's not much of a joke," Sirius said dryly.

"Why… why didn't you tell us?" James finally said. "Why did it take this long?"

Sirius sighed. "I don't know," he mumbled. "It just felt like… somehow they controlled me. If it was a big deal, then I thought that maybe it would make me… weak."

James slowly shook his head, a look of shock still on his face. "Sirius, there are grown men driven mad by the Cruciatus Curse," he pointed out. "It's not something you should have had to deal with alone."

Sirius shrugged. "It's over now," he said, believing it for the first time.

"I can't believe your parents would stoop to that level," James said. "Who does that to their own child?"

"My parents are a special kind of malevolent," Sirius said flatly.

"Yeah, no kidding," James agreed. "Sirius… I had no idea that it was that bad."

"It wasn't always _that _bad," Sirius said. "But it never had been particularly pleasant."

There was a short pause.

"Well," James said finally. "What's the plan now?"

Sirius paused, looking at James carefully. "Well you know, I don't mind the floor," he said slowly, smiling lightly. "Just tell your parents I'm a stray dog. I could even look the part."

James laughed as he hopped out of bed. "You know that won't be necessary," he said. "My parents are more fond of you than they are of me sometimes."

Sirius chuckled as he got up and followed James out of the room. They headed down the stairs, hearing voices coming from the kitchen. It was late in the morning; James' parents probably had been up for hours already. The light voices floated up through the house, Mr. Potter had a humorous tone, Mrs. Potter laughed. It was a noise that was not heard in the House of Black.

"'Morning," James said, walking into the kitchen with Sirius in tow.

"Good morning, James," Mrs. Potter said. She turned to look at her son and gave a start. "Sirius?" she said, surprised. "Darling, when did you get here?" She gave him a warm smile and Sirius couldn't help but smile back.

"Sirius?" Mr. Potter said confusedly as he turned to look. "Why, how are you boy?"

"Fine, thanks sir," Sirius said with a nod, grinning.

"Did we know you were coming?" Mr. Potter asked, glancing at his wife. They were confused, but not angry. Never angry.

"No, I thought I would just drop by," Sirius said.

"Sirius was wondering if he could stay here," James spoke up.

"Of course," Mrs. Potter said without hesitation. "You are welcome here anytime, dear."

"I was wondering if I could stay a bit longer than usual," Sirius said slowly, feeling a little unsure. Sure James' parents were nice people… but what he was hoping for was a lot to ask.

"How long were you planning on staying?" Mr. Potter asked curiously.

Sirius hesitated. "A few weeks? A month? All summer?" he said quickly.

"All summer?" Mrs. Potter said, sounding surprised.

Mr. Potter just looked at him for a moment, as if sizing him up. "You're welcome to stay as long as you like," he said slowly. "But what do your parents think of this?"

Sirius couldn't help but snort a laugh. "I think they're a bit relieved to be rid of me, actually," he said.

Mr. and Mrs. Potter were quiet for a minute. They exchanged glances and Sirius couldn't tell if the looks on their faces were reluctant or just concerned. Either way he could feel his stomach falling. Maybe this wouldn't work out after all.

"I could make up the guest bedroom," Mrs. Potter finally spoke up.

Sirius smiled cautiously. "I don't mind the floor, Mrs. Potter," he mentioned.

"Nonsense," Mrs. Potter said with a casual wave of her hand. "I won't hear of it, Sirius. You will not spend the entire summer sleeping on the floor in James' bedroom."

"So… I can stay?" Sirius said hopefully, exchanging a grin with James.

"Well of course you can stay!" Mrs. Potter said as if it were obvious. "Now, dear, I was just making up some breakfast, so have a seat."

James and Sirius both sat down at the table, smiling despite themselves. As Mrs. Potter went back to fixing breakfast, Mr. Potter joined the boys at the table. He looked at Sirius with a serious expression.

"It takes a lot to walk away from a family like that," Mr. Potter said. "Are you sure you are ready for the consequences of your actions?"

Sirius sat up a little straighter. He had learned a lot about the consequences of his actions over the course of the past few months. "I never really belonged in that family," he said firmly. "I know what I did won't be taken lightly. But I also know that what I did was right."

Mr. Potter nodded and smiled. "Well then," he said as he leaned back in his chair. "Welcome to the family, Sirius."

Sirius grinned. "Thank you, sir."

He knew that never in a million years could he convey his gratitude to Mr. and Mrs. Potter, not to mention James. As breakfast was served and light conversation and jokes floated around the kitchen, Sirius felt more at ease than he had in a very long time. He knew that eventually he was bound to have an encounter with some part of his family. He knew that his rebellion wouldn't be taken lightly. And he also knew that his mother's words about Lord Voldemort were more than just petty threats. They were well protected from the outside world in their school, but news about the tensions between haughty purebloods and Muggleborns still managed to infiltrate the walls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and they were obviously getting worse.

He supposed his mother was probably right. There was a war coming. And he felt ready for it. He had chosen his side and he was prepared to fight for what he believed in.

**The End**

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_Author's Note: Thank you so much to those of you who stuck with this story! I hope you liked how a wrapped it up. This story actually ended up going in a much different direction than I originally anticipated, but I am pleased with out it turned out. Please keep an eye out for other Marauders fics that I will be posting in the future. Thank you for all your support! Please leave a review! Cheers! _


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